Posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 1:52:10
Friends - I've been fighting to keep my head above water. Many of you have been so kind with your posts and compassion. I'm losing this war. This cancer called depression is overtaking me and I have no more strength. I am alone. I have seen too many doctors, been on too many medications.
I'm down to 75mg Effexor XR. Trazadone & Ambien for sleep - but I just have horrific nightmares and wake up with every muscle tensed.
My life is devoid of life, pleasure, desire, want, need, etc. I can remember saying to myself when I first was diagnosed with depression when I was 20 that "I didn't want to still be suffering when I was in my 30's..." I'm 32 now.
There are no more answers. There is nothing for me. I'm not where I wanted to be in life. I'm just suffering.
I'm not making a difference in life. I wrote my parents again to tell them I most likely won't last much longer.
My life has gotten consistantly worse to a point of no return. I can't turn back time and I haven't the strength to battle biology. The only way out is, well, you know.
I don't think God likes me. Do I beleive in a God? I've been kicked too many times when I'm down like this and...I cannot bare it any longer.
I'm not writing this for sympathy....I just know you all understand.
I want to be free of these chains....
free, free
Thanks all
Jerry
poster:jerrympls
thread:404047
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041012/msgs/404047.html