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Re: New to Board: Frustrated with Lamictal katia

Posted by BarbaraCat on May 22, 2004, at 17:43:47

In reply to Re: New to Board: Frustrated with Lamictal BarbaraCat, posted by katia on May 22, 2004, at 14:51:14

Wow, what a story! It hit me because I've been there and done that. The mania in me takes a very intense and mystical flavor. I look at myself in the mirror and my eyes look wild and dilated and I feel pressured to explain what I'm 'sensing' about people and events. It becomes very electrically charged. The weird dark energy is very palpable and so is the incredible Light. This is difficult for others who aren't in my head space and just wanna have a normal good old time. It's frustrating as hell for me because I end up feeling misunderstood and alone and just trying to understand, explain myself and feel included in an alien and hostile world. The weird thing is that I become very opened and attuned to very powerful psychic phenomena and talents that usually lie dormant. A window opens up and the chaos is mixed with incredible focus and soaring insights. But this is a typical boring trait with bipolars, right?

But not so fast... the voices, hallucinations and psychic phenomena also look alot like classic delusional schizoprehia. Which would be fine with me and explain alot EXCEPT for the fact that most of the 'delusions' are remarkably accurate and not delusions at all. This schizoid-ness is what makes me consider an anti-psychotic. But the whole complex is so unpredictable - something that 'visits' me from time to time and then leaves. It's cyclic nature suggests bipolar and the psychosis puts it into the mixed states bag. But I tell ye, I was getting these 'spells' with potent bipolar meds, so it's beyond my ken what it is or what to do. Yes, I'd probably consider Seroquel as the next step if I started feeling a mixed state coming on, mainly for the sleep.

I'm hoping the St. John's and healthy lifestyle and detoxing from mercury will build my strength, trust and give courage to learn the lessons but NOT allow the fear to beat me down. For me, it comes down to having enough energy and finding a fulfilling way to use it. Love and support to us all in this long strange trip we're on. - Barbara

> A friend of mine is taking Zyprexa (or was). I saw him at a party two weeks ago and I thought "god he is acting very strange - soooo intense over the top not making sense looks aged, etc. He's always been a wild card, in and out of rehabs, arrested for drugs, always has something business like going on and is still successful regardless of his criminal/drug record. I asked his cousin, "what's wrong w/ ****? "Oh, didn't he tell you about his spiritual awakening of his heart chakra two weeks ago?" Uh oh. Oh boy.
> Thirty minutes into the party, it hit me. "my God, **** is manic!". I need to ask him if he's ever considered that he might be bipolar. But self-disclosure is yet another characteristic of mania. And so during the party he announces, after having been asked if he talked to his father lately (just conversation stuff), he replies, "My Dad's just worried if I'm taking my meds! I apparently got this bipolar dx a couple weeks ago and I agreed to take this zylexa (zyprexa) stuff for ONE week and then stop to show them I'm not. I finally feel good after been depressed all my life and they're trying to medicate me! I've had a spiritual awakening and I don't need medication!" blah blah blah. It was classic. It was so classic that I questioned my own BP dx because this was a classic bipolar case. He wasn't sleeping without xanax and only little then even on zyprexa. he was drinking like a fish saying it helped calm him down.
> Anyway, it was interesting to see such a classic case with regard to symptoms, behavior, denial etc.. I talked to him til the morning hours about my past year and dx. he's very adament about not taking meds, he quit Zyprexa and he said "see! I feel even better now w/o it! more energy, etc.". He's still swinging up and he's making not a lot of sense. I could see the faces of the people at the party when he was talking w/ them - strained, tense, wanting to get away, not understanding. It's awful to see and he doesn't realize and won't listen to me or anyone. The best thing I can do and have done is tell him "if it is bipolar, what goes up will come down and it's a scary transition and call me if you need to talk". But of course, he's just calling me to talk talk talk about everything and is exhausting me!
> anyway sorry to go on. But i was really curious why the dr. had him take zyprexa to start and not lithium?
> Would you take zyprexa if you start to go into a mixed state? I still take Seroquel every night for sleep; not trying to give it up anytime soon.
> It works! and i'm sleeping and can't go back to insomnia thank you very much!
> Barb-go to that website and start there for info. That's all i have as well.
> Keep in touch.
> Katia




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