Posted by BarbaraCat on May 23, 2004, at 13:02:01
In reply to Re: New to Board: Frustrated with Lamictal » BarbaraCat, posted by katia on May 22, 2004, at 18:46:51
Has your friend been getting worse over the last year or this is the normal cycle for him? It sounds like there's a definite biochemical problem, perhaps food allergies, something that's affecting his ability to reason and further destabilizing him.
Something I've seen over and over in people who are naive to their mood disorders is that they are unprepared for really bad times. There hasn't been enough self-examination or compelling need otherwise to educate themselves. It's about making hay when the sun is shining and putting those ducks in order for a rainy day and blah blah. Then when the illnes hits and reasoning goes out the window, at least there's something in place to call upon to remind oneself - 'oh yeah, I recognize this and need extra help right now'. It's like practicing anything or exercising - pumping 'sanity muscles' when you can. Sounds like his sanity muscles are flabby. It's impossible to reason with someone who has lost their clear reasoning ability and may also be physically exhausted.
I find that as long as I'm not drinking I can usually pick up cues from my environment and either adapt or shield myself and withdraw from further aggravation. If I get into a weird place and my thinking gets more muddled, there's nothing I can do. Alcohol becomes my manic rocket engine fuel. It takes over and that's when I do things I later regret. As I look back over really embarrassing dumb-ass things I've done, alcohol or other brain inflaming substances were always involved. It's like this little devil jumps in and just loves to cause trouble. 'Feeding the pain body' that Eckhart Tolle talks about.
It sounds like your friend needs some kind of intervention because he's in deep pain but doesn't have the ability to sort things out and make proper decisions. I can't imagine what that would look like because it's not up to you to take this one on for him. You end up in the position of a 'savior' for that person and a dumping ground for their projections. It can very draining to be around someone who is in a very trying place but refuses to acknowledge their own accountability or necessity to do whatever it takes. Perhaps he has a family member or priest, someone who's willing to take on the responsibility of finding help for him. Proably the only helpful thing you can do for him is help him locate this person or agency since he seems to trust you. But having a person latch on to you when they can't or won't help themselves becomes parasitic.
I had a friend like that who drove everyone away, mainly because of her constant blaming and bitterness about how her life sucked. She soured every event, every gathering, by spewing out this black-hole energy. Yes, she ran around trying everything to get better but was so invested in being right and so addicted to her rage and refusal to look at her own stuff that even her therapist called me (she'd put me down as her 'emergency contact') in desperation and eventually told her he could not help someone who refused to help themselves. She was calling me at all hours and badly needed help but refused to work with it. Even knowing how horrible and lonely it can be, I had to pull away because her sickness was being dumped onto me and sucking me dry. A true psychic vampire. I wonder what's become of her. I believe it would have to take bringing her down to her knees to unravel that hard knot of hatred and obstinancy.
I have gone to the yahoo groups site and am waiting to get an email back with my membership info for the forum. I need to rattle their cage again. I've been looking at the sensitiveperson.com website and finding it very interesting and helpful. Yep, I recognize moi in those pages. If we could channel and focus this stuff and move beyond the highly sensitive pain part, Yowza! Take care, galpal. - Barbara
> Yes, the frustrating lonely part of it is real. I had a real "heart to heart" with him that night and he said that no one understands him, but it's very real and just because people don't get it and understand him doesn't mean it's bipolar. He is very alone. I know people are avoiding him, he told me. He said when I call you ARE you going to answer the phone when you see it's me? Other people have told me to call them if I need to , but don't pick up the phone, etc...
> He thinks he is *just* misunderstood. And he is. People don't understand mania. But he doesn't understand that it also IS mania. It even took me 30 minutes of talking to him and shaking my head thinking "he's acting so strange I don't want to be around him" before it occured to me - MANIC!
> INteresting to see how this all plays out. I tried convincing him of Lithium for the anti-aging/brain regenerating qualities as he's in to stuff like that. But if I try and persuade at all, he wants to cut off the conversation and questions whether we can be friends because he doesn't want to hear this "nonsense" about medication and his need for it from a friend.
> I've never seen such a classic case. I've been reading about it over the past year. I'm definitely NOT like that. I have flavors of it and small tendencies , i.e. BPII, but that to that degree has never been me.
> But then again, it's so hard to remember and sort out what's me and what's the BP. I've had powerful mystical experiences too.
> All the best-
> p.s. have you checked that other website out?