Posted by Ima on August 31, 2003, at 16:41:38
In reply to Re: Lamictal Survey, posted by fluffy on August 31, 2003, at 15:45:35
Boy am I glad people are more togeather today than I am. I just reposted you because I forgot to include your name in my last response. Thanks for catching it
> From what you describe, it sounds like BPII (my formal diagnosis). And it also sounds like you have the agitated depressions---if severe, called mixed states (esp. if there is suicidal ideation). But "normal" depressions can be marked with irritability as well.
I dont really have suicidal ideas much any more. Some of that might be from a desire to prevent my kids from going through anything like the trauma I went through. Love does sometimes find a way. And I love those sweeties a bunch. So much that even if it comes up on the radar (which as I said very rare for me now days) it gets shot right down. My heart goes out to people who feel more alone in their struggle. I feel the lonliness at times, long stretches of it, but I homechool and I dont get as much time to dwell on it. Something very immediate about kids.
Now my poor hubby, that relationship provokes my destructive thinking sometimes. I truly know we are from different planets. He has been in enough denal about my illness for both of us. When Im drowning in the void, and really taking it out on him, the more I try to communicate it to him, the more screwed up it gets and I feel really tempted to go over the edge and not come back.
My mom is probably classically depressed,(Ive never known her to be manic except maybe when she married my father) and I learned from her the tedency I have to just keep going.
My dad left when I was 3 and he might be BP. He was the radical, the black sheep.
> I'm quite certain that my dad is also BP. He exhibits a terrible temper--snapping at people for nothing, is physically abusive, camps out in his room for days at a time sleeping, and at other times is jolly.
Forgive me if I sound insensitive but I hope im not as bad as your Dad. I know there are times my kids feel Im off my rocker about little things. Wanting to make even those times abate is a motivating force for me to get help. And of course it is not so easy for moms to lock themselves in their room. I cant even go to the bathroom with out interruption!
> And you are absolutely correct in getting another psychiatrist.
Do you mean am I set on this? Yeah, i feel like even without the oversights the last one just wanted to give me the newest med comimng down the pipe.
Psychiatrists can be arrogant, stupid, insensitive and misinformed just like other people.
No, I think their worse;) (except for you dr. bob:)The next will have to have at least a better sense of humor. To pdocs have a sense of humor?
I sincerely hope that the new pdoc works out, and works WITH you until you feel you've gotten closer to answers regarding your current situation.
Lots of hugs and thank you, thank you
If you feel like reading my full story (meds, some personal history, but MAINLY my really insensitive psychiatrist!!) here is the url from earlier in the thread:
I will check it out.