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Lithium Survey BarbaraCat

Posted by katia on August 31, 2003, at 16:36:22

In reply to Lithium Survey again, posted by BarbaraCat on August 31, 2003, at 14:05:46

Hi Barbara,
In the range of MS, my pdoc wanted to start me on Depakote first. I wanted Lamictal b/c of the AD qualities. He was wary b/c of the rash and wanted to at least try one of the "tried and true" other MSs first, knowing, as I, that it's probably going to be a long process of trial and error.
He never really mentioned Lithium except to say that that is normally for the classic BPI. But the more and more my lenses come off my blinding vision over the years, the more I am SO waking up to the fact that I'm BP. And I'm wondering if not BPI, due to my "mixed" states and due to a very odd but wonderful time I had for a brief period when I was 17/18. I always just regarded that time as a time when I was just with it and up and tuned in to the beauty and thrill of life. I never slept; and could never understand why people slept so much. I was always raring to go. It felt like I was constantly on some euphoric drug making me inhale deeply life's richness and beauty and feel giddy and exhilarated just to be alive. I was wild to say the least - wild. My senior suplerative was "the wildest student". I was so confident, NOTHING or NO ONE could have told me differently. Just now, in the past few months, looking back, I think I was manic. Because soon after in the autumn after a wonderful summer meeting first boyfriend and living at a beach, changing job per week and house per week, I started college. And somewhere I began crashing hard. terribly hard. I lost tons of weight and only ate rice and a glass of milk. Woke up at 6 every morning staring off outside, afraid, nervous, wondering what went wrong in my mind. I had it all together; life was good - great! I wanted that back. What do I do wrong? etc...

Since that time, I've experienced more the tired but wired, irritability - more dysphoric/mixed with underlying chronic depression throughout. I got a few moments of wonderful goodness though!
So that's why I'm thinking that I may even be BPI. who knows! who really cares???? just give me something that works!

I had another TERRIBLE TERRIBLE night last night - no alcohol involved. A cloud was following me all day and I kept trying to avoid it with yoga and then a movie, but by 9:30 it caught up to me and I tumbled. I was sobbing and in agony. you know the agony and sobbing that you feel you're almost regurgitating from the center of your soul? And every movement is painful? I felt soo alone and felt NO ONE loved me and that if my family weren't alive, I'd kill myself. The tornado came and the tornado left again. I went to bed and slept for 11 hours. (BTW, this is the first night I've taken all of my depakote 500mg at night). I couldn't wake up 'til past noon. It's ridiculous.

So we'll see how the Depakote works. If we abandon it, I'm insisting on Lamictal to start and then adding Li. if needed.
So there you go! BTW, give me an example of a classic BarbCat mixed state.
Katia


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