Posted by fluffy on July 26, 2003, at 11:39:27
In reply to Re: Mild Bipolar - moodstabl-- lamictal, posted by Dali on July 23, 2003, at 13:34:46
Hi Dali--
You are asking the big questions. I think all of us had them when first being diagnosed bipolar. It's a really life altering thing. Suddenly you're being told that you are not "normal". I wondered what "normal" could be. And I wondered if I would even want that. Could I be normal and still be me? Would being stable swipe my creativity? At times, I still wonder these things. But I've been feeling normal lately, and I can honestly say it's so much better than feeling panic stricken, fearful, suicidal, and unfocused. Looking back, I can see how my disorder caused so many problems for me. I drank too much, engaged in stupid sexual encounters, had trouble completing tasks, said really dumb and overly assertive things to people who had a huge impact on my career as an artist, etc., etc...
I won't sugar coat this for you. You are in the most difficult stage of this junk. Working to find stability and the right meds, wrestling with yourself and self-worth, and wondering-- "just who the hell am I anyway?" It was the most taxing and frustrating thing I've ever had to do. And normal folks aren't really good at understanding this philosophical struggle. I found a lot of support on this board, and I still do. The most important thing that someone instilled in me was that it gets better. And with a lot of hope, some disappointments, some relapses, unsuccessful drug trials, and most importantly patience, it HAS GOTTEN BETTER! (I'm currently feeling loads better on 200mg Lamictal) It's so hard to hang on during this time.
You should read all you can on bipolar disorder...discount the super negative accounts, they'll get you nowhere. A book that helped me a lot was "An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Jamison and "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide" (I think that's what it was called). It may feel silly to do this, but maybe find a support group in your area if there is one.
Remember--it gets better. You won't lose the good parts of you. Hang in!
Katy
poster:fluffy
thread:9730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030723/msgs/245525.html