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Re: hanging in there Lorraine

Posted by shelliR on October 9, 2001, at 23:05:31

In reply to Re: hanging in there shelliR, posted by Lorraine on October 9, 2001, at 9:30:49

> Hi Shelli:
> > > >It just seems with effexor, if my body hates it enough to throw it back up, I can't see it helping me. That's how I see both valium and nardil.
> Shelli, I'm just saying effexor did take away my depression for 2 years and aside from the weight gain and sexual impairment, I really had no side effects--this from the side effect queen. I think the weight gain could be counteracted by adding Wellbutrin or a stimulant, but my pdoc at the time wasn't very adventurous. Still, we are all different and you need to choose a drug that you and your pdoc think may work. What do you mean about Valium and Nardil? Have you given up hope on the Nardil? Has it been 5 weeks?

No, I haven't given up hope on nardil. I was worried that I keep going back to nardil because it is my security drug, not because it is effective anymore. But when my doc thought it was best to go further with it and raise it to 60mg, that felt like it made sense. Play it out until I'm sure it doesn't work. But that means totally medicating myself with atarex and valium to sleep through the night. Since the one time I had gone up very high on valium (30mg), then got off it, I have been conscious to try not to get it higher than 15mg a day. And 10mg have been to assist sleep. Now I am up to 20, and I still woke up after three hours (it's such a strange thing--it's always been after three hours, no matter what time I go to bed). And it took about 1 1/2 to fall back to sleep with 5mg more of valium. I am not worried about getting off; I do think my pdoc should be helping me find something better to help me sleep. But if the nardil kicks in at 60mg, then I have think he'll work on my sleeping with me. He likes to deal with only one change at a time. At least no additions of new drugs. He's very methodical that way.
> >
How did you manage to make it to Monday? What were your coping strategies? Distraction?

It was so hard on Saturday. It's hard to explain how much I hurt. It's so physical I felt like I couldn't stand it. But once I got through Saturday, Sunday was much easier. I had a sitting Saturday morn and it was okay, but knew my insides were not doing well. Then after, I caved in. I can't distract when I feel that awful. I took valium and sleep it off as much as I could. Sleep has always been the best way for me to handle it when I feel pain that intensely.

> It's great that your therapist was able to get you in so quickly and it sounds like it helped a bit anyway.

It was my pdoc that got me in. I cancelled my therapy Monday, in case that was the only time I could get in to see my pdoc. (you know, 24 hour notice or you pay.) The bad thing about my pdoc is how short a time he sees you. The good part is that he'll fit you in everyday if you need to go. I actually ended up seeing both of them yesterday, because he had a non-conflicting time open, and my therapist hadn't given away my hour. (I could add that I don't see it as humanitarian that she would even consider giving away my hour if there was a possibly that I could be there, but that's another issue.)
> .

> I could have sworn that you said in defense of your therapist when thinking about making a shift that you couldn't tolerate or didn't have patience for those who were too touchy feely, although I don't think you used this expression. Well, perhaps I misread that or maybe it's just one more indicator that I am losing more grey matter than I want. (I did not confuse you with elizabeth though, in my mind, elizabeth can't tolerate therapists period.)

I think you're referring to my statement that I seem to do better with quick thinking therapists, rather than feeling types. But I meant that in the Myer-Briggs way, not as a statement on physically touching.

> I hope things brighten for you

Today was better. I worked all day and met all work goals. That is always gratifying. (and did the treadmill, although fairly slowly.) And the depression was under control. I also keep reminding myself that I am very premenstrual (can tell by how swollen my body is, how much I am crying, as well as time of the month). Considering that Monday I was 90% sure that I had to go into the hospital today to stay alive, I made quite a shift.

Glad you are doing well.





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