Posted by Lorraine on October 9, 2001, at 9:30:49
In reply to Re: hanging in there » Lorraine, posted by shelliR on October 8, 2001, at 11:21:41
> > >It just seems with effexor, if my body hates it enough to throw it back up, I can't see it helping me. That's how I see both valium and nardil.
Shelli, I'm just saying effexor did take away my depression for 2 years and aside from the weight gain and sexual impairment, I really had no side effects--this from the side effect queen. I think the weight gain could be counteracted by adding Wellbutrin or a stimulant, but my pdoc at the time wasn't very adventurous. Still, we are all different and you need to choose a drug that you and your pdoc think may work. What do you mean about Valium and Nardil? Have you given up hope on the Nardil? Has it been 5 weeks?
> > > I made an emergency appt with my pdoc for today. Saturday I came as close to suicide as I have ever been. I was making a list of what money I owed to which people who didn't get their pictures to leave for whoever found me. It was so scary, but I kept thinging about my parents going through my stuff, etc.
Shelli--I'm really sorry that you ended up in this dark place. You seem to be on a bit of a roller coaster--just a few days ago you had had a string of good days and were feeling pretty optimistic it seemed. Plus, weren't you forgetting something--the tickets to France and so forth? (dark, dark humor--hope it's ok). How did you manage to make it to Monday? What were your coping strategies? Distraction?
> > >Anyway, I am still alive and things are not as black, more very dark gray.
It's great that your therapist was able to get you in so quickly and it sounds like it helped a bit anyway.
> > >
> > > Yes, the choices are awful. Be depressed or be obese and non-sexual.
> > I agree with you here. As for the "I'm tired of trying", my son's pdoc would say "so what, keep moving." Not very sympathetic, but his point (which should appeal to you because of it's lack of touchy feeliness) is that some of the things we think when we are depressed are not useful. In fact, he believes that you should pretty much ignore any thoughts you have while you are depressed or anxious and just work on altering your mood. Once your mood is in place, the thoughts will follow. Anyway, I am playing with this concept. When I think a depressing thought, I note it and file it away. I think it helps.
> It's Elizabeth who doesn't hates the touchy feeling types. I loved my last therapist, and she hugged me often. But she couldn't provide enough structure for me to work the areas that needed to be worked on. But I certainly didn't leave because of the hugs.
I could have sworn that you said in defense of your therapist when thinking about making a shift that you couldn't tolerate or didn't have patience for those who were too touchy feely, although I don't think you used this expression. Well, perhaps I misread that or maybe it's just one more indicator that I am losing more grey matter than I want. (I did not confuse you with elizabeth though, in my mind, elizabeth can't tolerate therapists period.)
I hope things brighten for you