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Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. » Lorraine

Posted by shelliR on September 12, 2001, at 22:21:30

In reply to Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. » shelliR, posted by Lorraine on September 11, 2001, at 13:10:13

Hi Lorraine,
> Back from my vacation, and *not* relieved.
> That's a good sign:-0
> It definitely is insecurity, not lonliness.
> Yeah, I rarely, rarely get lonely. Insecurity about being alone?
Thinking something is wrong with me because none of my relationships worked out and not even certain that I want to try again. The old shame thing again.

> I love the Santa Fe area
> Me too. I wasn't wild about Sedona though.

Did you go to Arizona on the same trip? Interesting. I've never been to Sedona, but many people have told me it's very magical. What was it that you didn't like about it?

I don't love Santa Fe or even Taos per say; I love the weather, I love the tremendous range of visual art, and I love driving out there: total overwhelming beauty in every direction.. And I do like the friendliness, especially the curtesy in driving. I mean, you signal, and people actually let you change lanes. And it completely awesome to realize that one woman (Mable Dodge) encouraged artists to come out there--really at that time in the middle of nowhere. Of course O’Keefe, but also Willa Cather and D.H. Lawrence among others, even from Europe.

On the topic of art, I would miss the general lack of culture there, not much music, independent film, concerts besides the opera. It is increasing, but it feels pretty much a void after all the access in D.C. and the closeness to NYC. I actually don’t go to NY very often, last went for the Edward Hopper exhibit; he’s probably my favorite painters of all time. At last, we have one or two direct flights a day which makes it now much much easier to get there and back without wasting two days. Maybe next year my sister and niece will come with me, if I go back. My sister and I can't spend too much time together without getting on each others' nerves. (hey, you want to meet me in santa fe next summer? :-) )

> but it just gets too darn cold. Plus not the right population for my work, I don't think, although one of my clients moved out there and he manages Winton Marcelis. So I might have a in with the rich and famous. :-) You know, Ophrah, Jane Fonda, Julia Roberts, etc. HA.
> I don't know--the tourists might be interested, but it might entail a different work schedule or mailing prints when done. There is a ton of foot traffic.

I don't see it as a good place for my type of work. They would have to be quick, tacky pictures, because I don't think people on vacation would find it important to spend several hours with a photographer while on vacation. I know , I wouldn't. I can't particularly envision mountain pictures in the same way I have seen beautiful beach pictures. I love simplicity. My niece once had a school picture done in what looked to me like the alps behind her. Very bizarre background for a school photo. I always wonder: "what are these photographers thinking?" Are California school pictures as strange?

> It's what I think is the next obvious step. I started Nardil at 15 mg and, of course, like it very much. (I know I'm not supposed to be able to tell, but I do feel a slight boost and I do feel more hunger than usual.) So as usual I'm optimistic. I guess that's fine--this random walk through pharmacology. May as well be optimistic.

I think nardil is a great antidepressant, and since you obviously respond to MAOIs (based on your parnate experience), I think you *should * be very optimistic. And since your body is so sensitive, you probably are perceiving some AD effect.
> Anyway, I realized after my appointment that I never asked him about taking an antidote. . He did check that I had a BP cuff, but that's about all. There is a more than minute chance for me to have a hypertensive reaction So I went back in again, caught him in the hall, and he told me that I should watch for my diabolic BP going above 110. I have never even paid attention to that number, and I didn't get the opportunity to ask him why. Also, he said he didn't want me to take a nifedipine-type antidote and I should call him and go to the hospital.
Shelli-- I was in genuine pain, excruciating headache, intense throbbing at the base of my skull--I still have slight remnants of it. I would be very uncomfortable without the antidote. So you call him and he acalls you back in fifteen minutes or worse it's half an hour and you are in the emergency room and they are making you wait. It just seems to happen very quickly and I know elizabeth had a bad experience in the emergency room. I'm aware of the controvery re the antidote. There is actually a good discussion of it in the tips section--a rebutttal to the concerns that I thought was pretty convincing. I think that doctors follow standard medical procedures until it's their head and then they take the antidote. (Isn't that a vicious thought?)

Well I saw my pdoc again today, because I have plummeted down in the last two days and we were talking hospitalization. Again. I am now pretty sure it has to do with the horror of yesterday piled up on top of my depression. I couldn’t trace it though, until I read a post from Anna (sweetmarie) saying how she had definitely experienced a downward plunge, after the news. And she’s in the UK! Monday I was fine; Tuesday afternoon I was seriously contemplating suicide and today woke up severely hopeless. I have to start working again Friday—it was supposed to be today, but there was luckily a cancellation due to the airports closing and the client being out of town. I am very shaky and not sure that I can handle work.

Anyway, I did get to talk to my pdoc about the antidote. His feeling is that I will not have an immediate reaction. Sort of like last time, if I do have a reaction—where it went up to 168 and then back down within minutes. That it takes a buildup of a drug combination to get you into the stoke range, and if you pay attention to the signals, you will not get there. I am trusting him on this because he has no reason not to be completely frank with me. My friend had several hypertensive reactions with bad headaches and it was pretty scary how long they took to get to her at the hospital. I took her there once after she had a reaction to ale and was appalled. But her BP also never went over 170. I do have a blood cuff with me now at all times, until I am passed any danger point, and it if comes down to it I would not feel self-conscious bypassing triage and walking right into the ER and demanding attention.

> > > >He said to start with 15mg tomorrow; I think I'll start with 7.5 or less.I >thought the lowest dose was 7.5 mg and my pharmacist told me that I could not split the tablets--he could be wrong, but you might want to check.

Too late, I already took a split pill. It’s not time release so I can’t imagine why there would be a problem. The lowest dose is 15mg. Today a whole pill, no problem, but I will continue to keep watch, especially because I will raise it on Friday to 22.5mg then Sunday to 30mg. And I have very much in mind that a buildup over several days might cause a problem. That was the case with adrafinil. It took several days until I felt a reaction, but didn’t have any physical signs and didn’t have a BP cuff. I am very hopeful that there will be no problems.

>It is a very good point--whether the antidote itself makes you ill.
That is the impression in my reading and also from my pdoc.

So day three, any more news? When are you going to raise your dose and do you have any idea of how high you are intending to go? I started on 45mg (well, within one week, if I remember right), but generally through the years I have kept my dose at 30mg because of sleep disturbances which were minimal at 30mg. I also had very strange and scarey experiences not adjusting to natural light changes (especially from inside to outdoor sunlight) when I had been on 45mg for about six months.

Were the schools closed in California? They were closed, of course, in NY, but I was suprised that the D.C. and Philadelphia schools were closed. Maybe out of respect? I don't really understand why; I'll have to go back to the metro section of the Post.

BTW, before the horror of yesterday, how was being alone all day, with the kids in school?

Take care, Shelli




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