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Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. » shelliR

Posted by Lorraine on September 9, 2001, at 12:46:15

In reply to Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. » Lorraine, posted by shelliR on September 9, 2001, at 0:11:21

Hi Shelli:

> > [re atypical depression] People without atypical depression may develop insomnia instead of over sleeping. Atypical includes symptoms of rejection sensitivity, over-eating, and a generally heavy feeling or "leaden paralysis".
> Well, let's see. oversleeping-yes; overeating-no;
> leaden paralysis-um, does horrible pain in the chest fit under leaden paralysis?

I think by leaden paralysis they mean heaviness in the limbs. Elizabeth is the one who turned me on to the concept of atypical depression. It is useful to know because atypical depression apparently responds to MAOs well.

> > >[re vacationing alone] And I don't think many friends would come here with and let me spend about a third of my time watching the US Open. The funny thing is I always come here during the US open; I would feel guilty watching so much and not working if I was at home, plus as I said it sort of connects me while I'm here.

Only a very good friend would allow you to do this--but those are the only friends worth having anyway. With my husband, it took a while for us to learn that we don't have to do everything in tandem. It's harder to work out with friends b/c you are not around them so much I think, but it is the evolved way to relate. While you watch the US open, I'll be at the art galleries....

> > > When you went to the depression groups, did the people seem interesting and depressed, or just depressed? (excluding the other babbler)

Great question. I would say--it is a group of 25+ people--that of that group there are maybe 3 or 4 people that I might want to know. I've only gone 3 times so those 3 people may shift. If it turns out that there is only 1 person worth knowing, then I am a very lucky person anyway. What I need is to be in the "advanced" group, but there isn't one. My husband thinks I join these groups so that I can be a care-giver for those more needy, but what I would love is a group where people have already done a lot of intensive work and are stuggling with the day to day issues. Even the people that I don't want to befriend have some interesting points. Like a woman brought up the need for structure in our lives and talked about that. That is an important issue for me.

> > > Well, that makes sense, but you could also say you want to wait to start nardil until all the residual effects are gone. That's why I'm confused.

Yeah, ok, but a crick in the neck can take weeks to go away.

> > > Another important factor is that I don't even have a clue what to try next, except to go back to nardil with oxy. Suggestions would be *greatly* appreciated. No antipsychcotics or tricyclics. I think I've tried every mood stabilizer.

I'd be curious what elizabeth thinks of a Nardil and Desipramine combo.

> > >Have you tried a muscle relaxer for the stiffness? (not a benzo, a real one :-)

Aspirin work for the pain and Valium is a muscle relaxant.

In closing, Shelli, a little tennis gift for you, --a poem about Venus Williams by Al Letson Jr., who read it aloud at a Slam Poetry contest in Los Angeles and was kind enough to send me a copy of it.

The Second Planet From a Star
by Al Letson

I am waiting
for Venus Williams
to save me.

Like some
great Masi-Amazon warrior
stepping out the foliage
of the jungle,
to open green fields
outlined in white,
with sword in hand.
Prepared to do battle
using breath of flame.
spiting words like....

"I didn't come to play
good tennis,
I came to win!"

singing like Medusa's hair
flailing against gravity
as tennis racket
hits the full moon
across the net,
and I'm stretch back
20 years
to an uncoordinated
painfully skinny kid
holding a tennis racket in hand
sweat saturating the grip
as the coach on the other side
of the court hollers


That's when I feel her slender fingers,
wrap around my shoulder,
and gently push me aside.

Eyes of marble and onyx
stare down the little man
across the net
and…… SERVE!

"Hummin' cummin' atcha'"

A little green globe
zooming through the atmosphere
narrowing in on it's target,
and at 100 miles per hour,
man, you better hit or get hit!

And he decides to get hit

And I'm standing on the sideline
Screaming "15 LOVE!"
and don't know what the hell
I'm talking about.
as the goddess of love
stretches her statuesque arms in the air

and SERVE, and SERVE, and SERVE!!!

Calling forth hail stones
shaped like tennis balls,
to rain from the sky
pounding into his premature balding head
while he's screaming at the top of his lungs


and when she does,
she rocks back and forth
left to right,
waiting for the volley
that will never come.

Standing over the bully-coach.
I'm sayin'
"Who's playin' like a girl now?
Who's playin' like a girl now!?!?!"

and when I turn around,
she is gone.
The second planet from the star
we know so well.
flung back into the cosmos, where she belongs
leaving me to fast forward
twenty years,
back to the Future
to a man
slightly uncomfortable
with his height, weight,
and lack of athleticism
watching her on the TV screen,
as my daughter crawls on the floor
before me,
making me think of her.

Every time Venus whacks
another ball into the Stratosphere,
I'm caught up in the fact
that my daughter will face
obstacles I will never have to see
just because of her sex.

At that moment,
At that instant,
overcome by memories of an event
that never even happened,
I wanna grab my daughter up in my arms
and tell her,
tell her,

"Baby, these flawed genes
I pass down to you,
May not have the stuff of
Venus Williams, or Mia Hamm.
You may not write novels
like Edwidge Danticot,
Or Joyce Carol Oats.
You may never see the moon so close
you can almost smell it,
that you could taste it,
like May Jamison.
But wherever your talents lie
It will be beautiful,
and you will be beautiful
for who you are
and all.

And if they ever tell you,
"your playing like a girl"
Be proud.
And know that you will win
woman. "





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