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Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. Lorraine

Posted by shelliR on August 20, 2001, at 21:32:38

In reply to Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. shelliR, posted by Lorraine on August 17, 2001, at 23:56:27

> Shelli:
> I do feel for you on this Parnate trial stuff. I figured out once that if I just kept trying drugs sequentially for the full trial period, I might well be dead without anything working. So I've become pretty insistent that some positive effects occur quickly. Anyway, when I read all of your posts in one sitting last night, it looked like it wasn't clear to you what was causing the problem (are we ever?) Sounded like maybe it was having two periods so closely spaced together and PMS in between? At one point I thought you said you felt the depression had lifted and if it weren't for the PMS stuff.... Well, it's very difficult to sort this stuff out with my own body, but at some point you made a determination that the Parnate wasn't doing it for you. Good luck getting in early. It must be terrible to be between meds. Course for me now, I suspect that I'll just pick up on the old Adderal and Neurontin combo if I need to quit Parnate. That combo really did tide me over.

I looked back at my notes last week, and I never felt any anti-depressant effects from parnate--but I wasn't really expecting any so fast. I had sickness in my stomach and was really tired which I first attributed to PMS, but when it continued after I got my period, I realized then that it was the parnate. So I went down again to 10mg, felt okay, but raising to 15 made me sick again. Then I gave up after 8 days altogether, 5 days at 15mg It's hard to know when to give up, but almost everyone who succeeded with parnate, had that little blip at the beginning of energy and good feeling. And I have to take into account that my body does not seem to adjust to AD side effects. Yes, this may have been the first time, but it is hard, because my business is busy and I'm supposed to go to New Mexico around Labor Day. Have tickets, arrangements, all put into place. It's much different to do a trial when you are working--it's that added, I got nothing done *again* today. I took off ten days from work earlier this summer, and some of these same customers were involved then, also (now pictures are to be ready, then I was changing appointments.) Not that it doesn't suck either way--it feels crummy to feel bad, job or no job, I know. It's the responsibility part, and I try to convince myself that I am not building rocketships, but still it's hard to disappoint people and break promises.

I didn't go away this weekend. I felt too depressed and defeated, but at least I did get a bit of work done. But only a bit.

> > > >so I don't mean it lightly when I say I don't have DID, although other patients in the hospital often just think I'm in denial as did my last therapist.
> Wouldn't you expect have strangers recognize you if you had DID or at least memory gaps? I don't know, my hunch is that you know yourself better than they do.
The wording of the DSM-IV makes it possible to fit or not fit yourself into the category if you have alters. They use very vague wording and never mention not having co-consciousness--just memory gaps. And memory gaps are never firmly connected to the present and I have lots of memory gaps in the distant past. The definition was a compromise between the hard-core definitions and some of the weaker, more open definitions.

re writing:
> Sometimes I do have the urge. The problem is that I would like to write a longer work and my moods haven't stabilized to the point where I want to make the commitment to the process. For instance, I have an outline of a book--it was outlined last January, but I haven't been able to do any work on it at all. The poem was published in "On the Bus", which is edited by my teacher Jack Grapes so getting it published wasn't that hard. I had some more poems in progress. You've inspired me to turn back to them:-)

Is it a novel that you have outlined?

>re therapist:
> Have you ever asked her directly to be supportive at these times? To say, "I know we have a lot of issues to work on but right now, I just need your support to get through this period?"
she knows that I felt she was was not being supportive; she sees it differently. I didn't go today, and I'm not sure about Thursday. After that I can't just keep canceling; I'll have to start again, or terminate for now. I'll see how my pdoc session goes tomorrow. I'm blocking out right now how much I like her and how much she's helped me in the past, I don't see any way to comfortably relate to her when I am going through these med changes.

> > > >It's mainly letting people down on the job front.
> Think of it as a bout with the stomach flu?
yes, a recurring one, with no sure time frame.

Tomorrow I'll see my pdoc and talk about going back on nardil and using that as my base. Then maybe add either concerta to the nardil or try buprenorphine (if I can tolerate it) with nardil, or stay with oxycontin with nardil. Those are the three things I see for now because I'm not willing to make any more big changes this late in the summer.

> > >
> > > Just back today from North Carolina.
That was a long way for just a few days.
> I'm in and out of town until the kids are back in school--a couple of weeks from now. Vacations are an effort for me though, I must admit.
The travel, or the vacation itself?

What is your eleven year old daughter like? I have a wonderful 14 year old neice, but she is now, of course, fully emersed in being a teenager. Friends, boys, clothes, the whole thing. She's a pretty happy, confident kid, a complete extrovert. Foreign to me, but I'm happy that things are good for her and that it doesn't seem like such a hard age to her.
> PS Today Parnate was good to me.
I think it's going to be good for you; you have all the right signs. I hope so





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