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Re: Sincere apologies. It IS rough.

Posted by grapebubblegum on May 23, 2001, at 12:06:59

In reply to Sincere apologies. It IS rough., posted by arabella on May 22, 2001, at 0:21:08

I hear everything that every one of you are saying. I tried to broach this admittedly somewhat embarrassing subject in another thread but it died out fast. The only thing I don't agree to was someone's statement along the lines of "if it just means that you take longer then that should just make things better anyway."

Let's start over (forgetting women of past generations who for whatever social reasons intervened in their marriages didn't enjoy sex) and remember that women and men are almost completely analogous, physically and orgasmically, when it comes to their most private regions. Sure, the sizes and exact placement of tissue is different but we are really made of the same stuff just proportioned and creatively arranged a little differently. We even share the same hormones, just in different amounts. I'm sure that our emotions in the sexual arena are very similar with some variations that create differences in the nature (but not necessarily the AMOUNT of our sexual drives, etc...)

But let us also forget the oversimplified stereotypes that men are too quick and any woman would be happy with a partner who takes "a lot longer"; I can say from experience that some men, for whatever reason, take too long, and if you think an hour of whacking sounds painful, imagine whether a female would really enjoy an hour of attempting to reach orgasm from her male partner.

Let's also forget the stereotype that "brilliant" authors like John Gray portray when they say that women need an hour of direct stimulation before they can achieve orgasm. Ok, I am being a little mean here, but like the previous posters, I am tired of the misinformation and stereotyping that goes on out there, as well as the inequity in addressing sexual issues for men and for women (i.e., thinking male orgasms are every man's god-given right but that female orgasms are a nice bonus that they can easily live without)

Let's get real here. Both partners in a loving sexual encounter would like to experience the culmination of the encounter and both would like their partner to experience that, too. A caring partner would be concerned at the lack of ability on the part of themselves OR their partner to achieve that.

Now... To go over some of the earlier subjects discussed: I also have trouble seeing how Viagra (an erection facilitator if I understand it correctly) could resolve anorgasmia.

I guess my dose of SSRI's has never been that high or I am not quite as affected by it as some of the previous posters but the way I have explained it to my doctor (yes, it was embarrassing but she didn't press me for embarrassing details so I put it this way) is that I have experienced anorgasmia with a partner but not "by myself," but the "by myself" requires a lot more effort than I would like to expend in front of a partner or that I would ask a partner to expend, if you know what I mean. Meaning that the anorgasmia with a partner is relative to the fact that I have a limit to how much I am willing to share with a partner.. while on my own, I have gone the extra mile just to get the physical release that women (yes, really just like men, if they are healthy sexuality-wise) need as much as men do.

With a partner, though, when I have not taken SSRI's, I have been EASILY, (quickly, and with no manual stimulation required) and multi-orgasmic, so I know it is most definitely a medication side-effect issue. Therefore, my point is that the SSRI's just basically raise, to varying degrees from person to person, your orgasm threshhold. I have also found (by the "do-it-myself" method) that the quality of orgasms is not as nice. In some senses, an orgasm is an orgasm, but perhaps because it takes so much work and senses are dulled somewhat by SSRI's, it just ain't the same.

For this reason, and I am not faulting those of you who have found pharmaceutical shortcuts around SSRI-induced sexual dysfunction, because whatever works for you and makes you happy is what you should do,

I am SO IRKED by having a hampered sex life, since I have a new and wonderful fiancee, that I am ready to hang up SSRIs for good and do whatever it takes to find anything that helps me ward off the panic attacks that are my primary psychological complaint, if I need medication at all.

Currenly I'm ramping down the Paxil and taking very small amounts of Clonazepam (12.5 mg three times a day, believe it or not, has a strong beneficial effect on me). I can tell you that it took TWO DAYS ONLY of cutting my Paxil in half from 20 mg to 10 mg per day to restore my orgasmic function with my partner. Just adding in my $.02 worth. Sorry it was so long; looks more like $2.00 worth. :o/




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