Posted by arabella on May 23, 2001, at 23:47:57
In reply to Re: Sincere apologies. It IS rough., posted by grapebubblegum on May 23, 2001, at 20:03:57
Grapebubblegum: I'm reaiiy glad you've found some relief through the use of/switch to Paxil. I don't mean to sound competely ignorant, but isn't Paxil also an SSRI? I've heard of people's symptoms abating by just switching to a different SSRI but that's never worked for me.
I saw my doctor and he told me I could go off the Zoloft, and in fact, all medication at some point if thtat's what I really want but I was dissapointed to hear him say that he wouldn't prescribe an antidote to the anogasmia - specifically not Vialgra because, he says, the FDA, says the drug is, "not for women".
So that was that, even though the half-life of some SSRI's are quite long and it'll be a while before I "get my lags back" so to speak.Unfortunately, When I asked him about my newly diagnosed obcessive-compulsive disorder and agoraphobia, he said SSRI's are the only things that work for OCD and I'm already on Klonopin which helps with panic disorder, which he said is at the root of my
agorophobia and there's nothing specifically designed for that particular ailment - except maybe SSRI's, which I told him just make me more depressed and YES! volotile and do seem to disturb my sleep - or make my being awake half the night seem appealing (then I'm truly alone) except that I sleep the morning away and feel like a toatal loser.So I've fallen into the tiger chasing tail, snake consuming itself, dragon chasing revolving door of meds and at this pint, despite my fear of going manic, I am far more concerned at the possibility that I've been on certain of thse meds so long they really just don't work, or we keep raising the dose and I'm experienceing the rebound effect or I'm just dependent on them when I should just be toughing it out with my psychotherapist, a process that yes, has caused me to be aware of things occurring for the first time - or at least in a new enough way
- for me to be like, hey, I don't think all my problems are med-related.I've become anorexic - without any of the accompanying symptoms one would expect like body image obcession etc. It's just plain aversion to practically all food except peanut butter or soy cheese sandwiches (plain - no veg.) on spelt bread. Cereal with protien powder to help maintain my weight, bananas, milk for coffee, and high protien shakes.
usually after going all day without food - sometimes eating as late as 1a.m. because I feel I really have to. And I've been considered a healthy eater to a fault by everyone I know.
Since beginning psychotherapy for the firest time in all my 40 years, I've remembered things about my childhood that are pretty
creepy and have to do with my mother.
Hence, I've been dissociating, something I've probaby done all my life to varyng degrees, but this time, I have an intimate witness. I know I've cried uncontrollably for periods when trying to tell him about my childhood memories but later learn that not only have minutes passed, but hours. The same is true of my recent fits of anger. I don't remember
what I've said or even done (Smoking? At the Reservoir??)and have just recently become in time with how good I am at blaming, where previously I just passively felt guilt and anger (unexpressed) until I blow up and that isn't ever productive. Now I 've started to realize what how absolutely insensitive and mean I can be to others where I've always played the vitctim. I guess I'm starting to see I really don't live in a bubble which arrows can penetrate
but can't be slung from.And the OCD, that's really different from hypomania. It really is OCD - the obcessive compulsiveness differing in content and context from day to day, week to week.
It's funny how easy it is to trick myself or diquise what's going on by using subtle variations,
But as hard as the psychotherapy is, and the
hard it is to see and try to understand the meaning of the real and unreal world of my mind - and the difference, though usually it makes no difference if either or both tap a very real emotion - for the first time I really do feel like I might be able to live without meds someday , and treat myself/be treated more holistically, and give myself a break rather than take more pills when I have real things to be unhappy about.
I want things to change, but I hope someday to paraphrase one of us by saying, "how I learned to stop taking pills and love it"I've done it before. I lived med free for ten years after the worst mani episode of my life and six months in a state hospital. I guess that scared me "sane", "Straight" - however you want to put it but essentially meaning able to roll with the punches and still love life, love myself.
I'm sorry I babble so much but this is the most
caring, sharing forum and I just stumbled into it. Don't blame me too much if I stumble around in it a lot. I'm still new to sharing with others dealing with similar issues.
But thank god/s you're all out there and thanks Dr. Bob.
poster:arabella
thread:16213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010522/msgs/64063.html