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Sincere apologies. It IS rough.

Posted by arabella on May 22, 2001, at 0:21:08

In reply to Re: How I learned to stop worrying and love the pill.., posted by Bob on December 12, 1999, at 19:45:05

I do apologize for that last part of my posting.
I really get carried away sometimes.
But I have to say, eperienceing any type of sexual dysfunction especially when it's from
meds "You have to take" is extremely difficult to deal with and I'm not sure women are always included in the equasion. Yeah, we're advertised as the partner the impotent male wants to please but when is a females inability to climax made an issue. I never see
anything on t.v. - not that I watch it a lot, but I have seen those viagra and natural potency formulas advertised a lot when I do watch.

Do we ever see images of a sad woman, a woman kicking the side of a tree, tearing her hair out from the frustration, feeling like a failure, like part of your life has been taken away from you (and its a big old chunk for me)
because she can't climax? MY partner isn't happy about it. I used to lie - say It was wonderful. Now, I'm almost too truthfull.
The last time we made love we were in that
post-coital haze still and I admitted that it was really great, (which it still can be sans climax, but not all the TIME) and I had those flutters, like tiny climaxes beginning, beginning and then just dying on me. Now that was a special moment. I felt so bad about what I said - it was like not only reporting on my responses to
my boyfirend, but I'm sure it also sounded
like a selfish commentary on how we did translating into how HE did. Sometimes he feels like I do when I let it get to me : "why bother? I can't please her, it's supposed to be
special, and she ends up frustrated which she'll ultimately take out on me."

And I do. I feel so deprived, like part of a limb has been cut off. I'm sorry, but sex is important to women too. We're not all just vessals. a lot of us really want to participate,
have orgasms, not just moan and shout "you're the best". There is someting about the
complete release, shooting star feeling of
the experience, I understand why the French call it "The little death".

It's so wierd. my mother thinks I'm a nymphomaniac simply because I really enjoy sex. It's a generation gap thing or something.
She wasn't particularly fond of it and as a seventy year old widow, she has had no desire to get into a relationship with a man
for the past 12 years "because there are all thse older men out there taking that Viagra
and that's all they want."

Anyway. It is rough. It's rough when I want to
break up with my partner off 8 years because we're both so unhappy. There are other isssues but this one has a red flag next to it.

It's rough when I go out and compulsively spend money I don't have or blow up at
a complete stranger every once in a while
especially at the health food store when the service is lousy and in there are 3 shelves devoted to herbal and vitamin formulas
to increase male potencey and "stamina" and sex drive and like half a shelf made up mostly of soy products to help women with their
periods or menopausal symptoms.

It's rough when I stay up half tthe night after making love because I'm still unsatisfied and
my partner is asleep and I get up and read or write just to push the feelings months of this
have produced - a plethora of feelings, too numerous to name. And when they're that numerous, they're hard to untangle and we carry the threads with us everywhere we go.

So how can these antidepressants be said to be "working" when the side effects are so devastating?
It isn't fair.

Can my doctor really prescribe viagra for me?
would that be bending the rules - or even breaking them? He once told me he couldn't prescribe it precisely because it wasn't FDA approved for women.

I'm seeing him at 11:00 so I'd better get some sleep. It was good to read all the comments
and feel the sensitivity in the mean's postings.
It's good to know there are men out there who are unhappy with the sexual side effects of certain drugs because they really want to make love - not just be able to "perform".

God. I tried getting myself off tonight (last night now) for a good Hour because I was almost sure it would happen - I kept getting that feeling, you know, so close. Like if I could just make it happen ,more often like, practice, see, I'd be able to achieve orrgasms with my partner. But no go. I finally gave up. And there were a lot of other things I could have been doing. But was it a waste? No. Any stimulation that increases my SensiTivitty, that starts the
brain at least trying to connect with the body and free up that block is worth feeling kind of foolish for.

Boy am I going to be insistant when I see my doctor tommorrow. I just can't make these kinds of trade offs anymore. I'm 40 years old, still youthful and in good shape (despite my chronic pain condition ) and even after 8 +
years I still love sex with my partner, still find him incredibly attractive and still have those cravings, get "you know" - "randy" is the most delicate way I can think of saying it right now - though threre have been times when my sex drive was non-existant.

I don't want to wait any longer. Why don't the peeople who come up with these drugs hear our cries? Men AND woman need a healthy
sense off thier own sexuality. Sexual dysfunction distorts that and in doing so, distorts other parts the individuals psyche,
physicality and ultimately personality and overall mental health.

Tirade over. I hope I didn't offend.

E. (arabella)




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