Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: Life on Meds...and kids

Posted by dove on September 27, 1999, at 10:31:29

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...The Beast, posted by Molly on September 20, 1999, at 20:11:11

The idea of passing the 'Beast' down to our children is something I clearly see as accurate and evident in my life. I am a mother of 5 children, just diagnosed with bipolar and adhd and a smidgen of OCD and Anxiety. I have been suicidal my entire life, always felt that something just wasn't right. I know that there are at least 4 generations affected by the same combination of mental illness. My father, all my grandparents and great-grandparents on my Dad's side, cousins and uncles/aunts on my Dad's side are all affected. They all believe it is normal and will not recognize that it isn't.

I did hand it down to 3 of my 5 children. I never wanted to be a parent, felt I was too off-balance and psycho. I didn't want to put any children through what my Dad put me through. All my pregnancies have been unplanned, though my husband prefers to call them 'surprise presents' from heaven. I felt so different when I was pregnant, the suicidal thoughts abated and I felt like there was hope somewhere, somehow. After giving birth, the depression and emotional fluctuations returned with a vengeance. I spent so many hours (days/weeks/months) hating myself, crying and truly believing that my children would be blessed if I ended my life and set them free.

I only received help in the last month and most likely I am running on pure hope as I write this. My children did me a great service, they made me see myself in a real light and I sought help, defying generations of nay-sayers. I am sad to see these traits inflicted upon my lovelies and maybe with any wisdom or foresight I would have had permanent birth-control in place. But, I would be without these beautiful creatures, who have taught me so much about love, acceptance, uniqueness and mental illness.

I know many people think it is morally wrong to have children when there is a history of mental illness but I disagree. The beast is powerful, it is hard to recognize just as it is hard to annihilate but the fight is finally worth it to me. This due directly to having children and the desire to free and heal them. The future scares the living-daylights out of me but at the same time I now have hope and so do my children.

This board is sooo unique and a lifesaver, it educates, shares the pain and the joy and feels like a family. I am so grateful for finding ya'll and I thank you for the honesty and openess with which ya'll share (and the opportunity to share my heart). Thanks.




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