Posted by DMK on October 22, 1999, at 7:50:35
In reply to janey's a poet but she don't know it ..., posted by Bob on October 21, 1999, at 23:51:36
Hi...
I'm not really adding much to the thread, but I wanted to say that I feel ugly all of the time, too. My friends & my doc disagree, but I think they're either lying or mistaken. I'm a male, but I'd uch rather be underweight (as I have been) than overweight (I think I'm fat but people don't agree with me there, either. Well, my friends don't. Acquaintences feel compelled to MARVEL at "all the weight" I've put on.)
I think the comment above about listening to "your own" standards and not other people's is important, except that I don't seem to HAVE my own standards! (and if I ever do, they always turn out to be "wrong"!) Even on the rare occassions that I buy new clothes, I'm so paranoid that I look stupid in them that I watch the faces of people on the street to see if they're staring/laughing at me. (Of course, my looking at them makes them look at ME, which just makes things worse.)
On a "good" day I get get myself angry enough to think that I'm "inflicting" myself on the world just by leaving the house, and that displaying my ugly self is my way of "standing up to them" or something.
But I almost never look in mirrors (there's one particular public bathroom where, when I wash my hands, I stand over to the left of the sink so I'm not in front of the mirror!)and even when riding the train at night I have to keep my eyes lowered so I don't catch a glimpse of myself reflecting in the window.
Having said all of this, I don't know if I feel better or worse. Probably the same.
Um. That's all, I guess.
poster:DMK
thread:13470
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991016/msgs/13642.html