Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: Ugly to the bone ...

Posted by Racer on October 21, 1999, at 11:07:34

In reply to Ugly to the bone ..., posted by Bob on October 21, 1999, at 0:55:25

Bob's comments about it being more socially acceptable for men to be less than hunky makes a good point. For men, being a failure connotes an inability to keep a job, to be successful professionally, to forget the value of soap, that sort of thing. It's a lack of internal value. For a woman, though, it's tied up in looks and an ability to attract men. I think the male equivalent of this 'feeling ugly' is probably more like 'feeling stupid' or 'feeling incompetent'. I try hard to remember that, though the three usually go together for me: I never feel smart, competent and ugly; nor do I ever feel stupid, incompetent and pretty. Then again, I've often been accused of being 'like a man' by the people closest to me. (You know, rolling over and going to sleep, getting too involved in football, the stereotypes...)

I laugh at the feelings a lot, too, Bob, so don't take what I said as being critical. I was only musing. What do I say to make myself laugh? "Gee, my mother always told me it hurts to be beautiful, and I'm not a glutton for punishment - I'll just settle for vaguely cute..." "Ah, heck, I don't need to be beautiful, I have a personality and skills to fall back on instead..." You know, that sort of thing.

Mind you, I am attractive. I know that. Some days I can't feel it. Fat, that's another issue all together.

I am seeing a new man (as some of you may recall), and he is highly attracted to my big fat belly. All these years of being so self conscious about having a pot belly? Now here's a man who adores it! I said something to him last night about my fat belly, and he reminded me 'not fat', and also 'feminine'. This will be interesting for me...

As for the fat issue, though, here's something that happened at the beach with my ex-boyfriend: we were comparing female bodies. He knew all about the anorexia, since I was 5;9", 110# when we met - and it took an act of God to make me eat in front of anyone. Anyway, I'd pick out a woman who's body was about the size I thought mine was, or who had a shape like what I wished I had. He told me that the women I was picking out as being most attractive were about the same size I was, and the ones that matched my self-image were about 50 pounds heavier than I. It was a really valuable lesson for me. If any of the people here have a supportive friend who can do this for you, do it! Find a place where you can look at bodies and choose some you think match you, and some you find attractive, and see which are closer to your size...

The scariest thought of all this for me, of course, is the time we did something similar: I pointed out a couple of women I thought were much too thin, just as we walked along one day, saying, "I don't understand wanting to be that thin. It's just not attractive" He told me they were heavier than I... That was a shocker.




Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Racer thread:13470