Posted by allison on October 5, 1999, at 17:35:58
In reply to Re: WHY?, posted by Help on October 5, 1999, at 7:27:09
May be there is only all alone.
Sometimes, for me, there is only all alone. Sometimes the pain comes in great waves. They knock me down. I feel there is nothing but all alone and I think things will never change. But in the back of my mind I know I have to wait and see. Because when I wait those feelings out, sometimes I'll come up feeling like -- hey, I'm OK afterall, at least for today or a few days. Maybe a week. Sometimes it takes everything I've got inside of me, but when that great darkness comes, I reach out to somebody and try to make some sort of contact. A phone call. A letter. Sometimes I write it all out in a journal just to expel at least part of it from me. Sometimes this doesn't work, but usually it does. When things get really really bad, I go to bed because I know that's a safe place to weather the storm. Ok, I'm treading water. Hell, I've been treading water for two years now, waiting for life to calm down, and for therapy and meds to kick in enough to make this tide change for good. But for now, those feelings come and go. When they come, I know I'm not thinking straight. I know it's not the time to make any sort of big, final decision. I let myself off the hook in answering the big questions, figuring I can take them up again when things aren't so very dark. It's all I can offer. But please know you're not alone here.