![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 2 to 26 of 26. Go back in thread:
Posted by inimitable on November 24, 2006, at 23:50:46
In reply to I'm really upset, posted by Deneb on November 24, 2006, at 23:20:08
you know, i almost wasn't going to reply to this, because i am not a naturally....giving (i guess, for lack of a better word) person. but i know what it feels like to just need a hug, and to know that someone indeed, does love you. i haven't had a hug in ages, and have never felt real love. i am not a normally touchy feely person, but at this moment in life, i'd love to know that someone cares about me. i miss the days when i didn't think of suicide.
Deneb, i can tell you i love you, not because i know who you are, and what exactly i love about you, but that i love you as a fellow human being who knows how hard life is, and because your thread struck a chord in me. i hope we all get through these hard times in our lives.*inimitable
Posted by Deneb on November 24, 2006, at 23:57:12
In reply to I'm really upset, posted by Deneb on November 24, 2006, at 23:20:08
Hello? Anyone out there? I'm sad. The Eating Board is upsetting me a great deal. I'm just going to write because it seems to make me feel a little bit better.
I don't want to write out everything I'm thinking because it might not all be civil, but here are some phrases I'm thinking about:
I'm not manipulative.
Don't call me manipulative.
Don't call me attention seeking.
I'm not developing an eating disorder on purpose.
It hurts when you ignore me.
It feels like you're giving up hope on me.
I feel attacked.
It feels like I'm being ganged up on.
It feels like I'm being abandoned.
I don't know how to behave like a normal person.
I don't know how to relate to others.
I don't know why you are so frustrated.
I wish everything would go back to normal.
I wish people didn't hate me.
I wish people liked me again.
I feel abandoned.
It feels like my friends are saying they are no longer my friends.
I want to threaten suicide.
I want people to know how upset I am.
I want people to write that they care about me.
I wish I were dead, but not permanently.
I just want the pain to stop.
I think people are angry at me.
I want people to like me.
I don't know what I did wrong.
I don't understand.
I'm very hurt by what you said.
I feel really really upset.
I can't stand being this way.
I would do anything to not be upset.
I feel so upset I could die.
I can't bear it.
Help me.
Make me feel better.
Tell me you care about me and like me.
Tell me you love me.
Make me feel better.
Tell me you don't want me to kill myself.
Tell me you'll be very sad if I died.
Help me.
I told you I told my Mom and no one cares.
What do I need to tell you to make you not frustrated?
I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
This is who I am, this is how I write.
People don't like who I am.
People want me to change.
I don't want to change who I am.
I want someone to care about me and support me.
I want comfort.
I want someone to comfort me.
I feel a little better and then I feel worse after reading something.
I wish I could ignore the bad parts.
I wish Dr. Bob would punish those who hurt me.
I'm a bad person for wanting to punish others.
I feel a little better now after writing this.
I hope I don't get into trouble.
I want to feel accepted.
I want to feel liked.
I want to feel cared.
I think Dr. Bob cares.
I love Dr. Bob.
Even when the world is against me I think Dr. Bob still likes me.
Dr. Bob wouldn't judge me.
Dr. Bob wouldn't call me manipulative.
He wouldn't say I was faking.
Dr. Bob can punish me, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like me.Deneb
Posted by Deneb on November 25, 2006, at 0:03:30
In reply to Re: I'm really upset (((((deneb))))) (trigger?), posted by inimitable on November 24, 2006, at 23:50:46
(((((((inimitable)))))))))
Thanks for the hug. I love you too, as a human being. I wish no one had to feel bad.
Deneb*
Posted by karen_kay on November 25, 2006, at 10:34:07
In reply to I'm really upset, posted by Deneb on November 24, 2006, at 23:20:08
((((deneb))))
don't kill yourself because many people love and care about you.
take very good care of yourself, and you can come eat leftovers at my house!
kk
ps. you are a good person deneb. don't ever forget that or let anyone tell you otherwise, ok?
Posted by Phillipa on November 25, 2006, at 12:17:28
In reply to Re: I'm really upset » Deneb, posted by karen_kay on November 25, 2006, at 10:34:07
Deneb what did your Mother say she didn't care about? Love Phillipa
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 25, 2006, at 12:53:08
In reply to Re: I'm really upset » Deneb, posted by karen_kay on November 25, 2006, at 10:34:07
Hugs for you Deneb
I'm sorry you're hurting. You have a lot of people who care about you and love you. Remember that it is your choice whether to participate in psycho-babble eating board, or any other online forum.There is no obligation that forces you to participate. If you don't feel supported, I hope you can choose to stay away until you feel stronger.
I know that you will pull through. This pain is really tough, but you can choose to avoid it if it gets that bad.
How are you doing with meds and your pdoc sessions? Is there anything IRL that is causing you instability, stress, or grief?
more hugs for you deneb*, I care
love,
-Li
Posted by ClearSkies on November 25, 2006, at 12:54:02
In reply to I'm really upset, posted by Deneb on November 24, 2006, at 23:20:08
Deneb, I'm sorry you are so upset. ((((Deneb))) That colours everything we see, dark and inpenetrable.
You have had great times of hope and progress, from what I have read here. Maybe you can read some of those posts again? I have bookmarked many of the more hopeful posts I've made here, just to remind me of how well I can feel.Sometimes it just takes time, for our mood to shift and change. Sometimes it takes looking at how we have pulled through such difficult times in the past.
You can do this, Deneb.
CS
Posted by TexasChic on November 25, 2006, at 13:11:10
In reply to Re: I'm really upset, posted by Deneb on November 24, 2006, at 23:57:12
I care about you Deneb. I also can completely understand every one of those things you wrote. I've felt them all too. I know what its like to be so consumed with what everyone else thinks of you. I'm working on that myself. One thing that's occured to me lately is, why do 'I' have to change? I'm not saying I shouldn't work on improving myself. I just mean if someone can't accept me and my super emotional self, maybe that's THEIR problem and not mine! Everytime I get upset and emotional and someone tells me I'm being immature or crazy or a drama queen, I've always just took it for granted that they were right. But now I'm starting to think, what I feel is what I feel, and if they can't handle that, maybe THEY'RE the ones that need to work on themselves, because Lord know's I spend enough time working on me! And its the same with you Deneb! You're here, and you're making an effort to improve yourself. That's more than most people out there. What right do they have to judge us and find us wanting??? They're just as messed up as everyone else. Hang in there girl.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on November 25, 2006, at 14:36:11
In reply to (((Deneb))) » Deneb, posted by TexasChic on November 25, 2006, at 13:11:10
> What right do they have to judge us and find us wanting??? They're just as messed up as everyone else.
What I meant above was its easy to put other people's opinion's about ourselves above our own, but we need to remember is that we're all flawed human beings. I wasn't directing that to any particular person or anything. I got worried it might get misinterpreted.
-T
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 25, 2006, at 16:46:17
In reply to Re: I'm really upset » karen_kay, posted by Lindenblüte on November 25, 2006, at 12:53:08
Well, since I'm already here,
I might as well ask Karen Kay the status of our honeymoon plans. I mean she proposed and all, and I'm not sure we're allowed to marry each other, but at least we could have a honeymoon, right? I DID buy you that fancy ring, my dear!(joke)
Deneb, how are you doing? did you notice Dr. Bob put up a new picture?I'm worried about you. I haven't been keeping up with you as much as I should have, but please know that you are always in my heart. You are a very cool sweet person, and I know that things are kind of messed up right now, but I think you've been through a LOT this year.
You've done really well though- you took two big trips on your own, or with your friends. You took good care of you on those trips, and even kept everyone laughing with your picturesque observations.
You started off this semester with really ambitious goals, and from what I can tell, you've done pretty well, even recovering your drive after a few insomniac nights and anxious exams.
Please keep in mind that you are taking THE HARDEST science class ever (In my experience). It's not easy to keep that kind of stress neatly tucked away in your backpack. It's bound to invade other locations, like your appetite, your moods, your social interactions, etc. I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time with it all. To have disordered eating, and struggle with that on top of it must be really overwhelming.
You've been very kind to everyone on babble, from what I can see. You haven't been blocked since I've been on babble, which is a good 6 months now. You're doing well responding to posts and such. So, maybe you're not ready for the things that people wish you to undertake. Maybe you ARE ready, but you're resisting for some important reason. Remember that you are an adult, and what you choose to do (or not do) is always up to you. If you ever feel like you might not know what the best thing is, or perhaps that you MUST do something, but you're not strong enough to-- well, please try your best to find help in real life.
Know that we'll be here for you, no matter what :)
-Li
Posted by Deneb on November 26, 2006, at 19:52:24
In reply to sorry Karen! meant for Deneb*, posted by Lindenblüte on November 25, 2006, at 16:46:17
Thanks everyone
((((((((((((Karen kay))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((Phillipa))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((Lindenblüte))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((ClearSkies)))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((TexasChic))))))))))))))))Thanks for making me feel cared about. You're all so sweet. I love you.
Deneb*
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 26, 2006, at 23:24:37
In reply to Re: I'm really upset, posted by Deneb on November 24, 2006, at 23:57:12
> It feels like you're giving up hope on me.
> It feels like I'm being ganged up on.
> It feels like I'm being abandoned.
> It feels like my friends are saying they are no longer my friends.
> People don't like who I am.I'm sorry it's rough for you right now, but please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or jump to conclusions about them.
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceAnd for an excellent post about I-statements, please see Dinah's post:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040112/msgs/320097.html
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Deneb on November 27, 2006, at 0:53:38
In reply to Re: please be civil » Deneb, posted by Dr. Bob on November 26, 2006, at 23:24:37
Sorry I was uncivil and sorry if this made others feel worse. I'm going to Babblemail ClearSkies about what was uncivil. I think I sort of get it now, but maybe not.
Deneb*
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 27, 2006, at 1:49:57
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by Deneb on November 27, 2006, at 0:53:38
Posted by SatinDoll on November 27, 2006, at 9:36:46
In reply to Re: thanks (nm) » Deneb, posted by Dr. Bob on November 27, 2006, at 1:49:57
I find it interesting that you can do that many uncivil posts in a row, and not get blocked.
Posted by karen_kay on November 27, 2006, at 11:39:58
In reply to sorry Karen! meant for Deneb*, posted by Lindenblüte on November 25, 2006, at 16:46:17
now, i've been accused of a few ocassions of being flighty. i disagree. but, i've met someone new to propose to. the plans are in works right now. may even be moving (utah is apparently out of the question) soon. sorry girlie, you've been replaced. guess next time, you won't tkae so very long to get back to me (and besides, ms. moneybags, you were supposed to plan the honeymoon. i can't be bothered with the little details.
oh, and if you want to beat up my newest soon-to-be-bride, go get madeline! (and you should hear what she said about you!)
now, get your brass knuckels and go find her. fight for your wife!
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 27, 2006, at 12:48:26
In reply to hey, i've moved on.... » Lindenblüte, posted by karen_kay on November 27, 2006, at 11:39:58
> now, i've been accused of a few ocassions of being flighty. i disagree. but, i've met someone new to propose to. the plans are in works right now. may even be moving (utah is apparently out of the question) soon. sorry girlie, you've been replaced. guess next time, you won't tkae so very long to get back to me (and besides, ms. moneybags, you were supposed to plan the honeymoon. i can't be bothered with the little details.
Karen, dearest-- I can only mourn what would have truly been one of the Great Romances. I shall treasure your proposal to me, and continue crying over it, until my tears short-circuit my keyboard.
Oh what cruelty is ficklesomeness (um, I feel, that is)!
> oh, and if you want to beat up my newest soon-to-be-bride, go get madeline! (and you should hear what she said about you!)
You have truly found a woman worthy of your heart's desire. Maddie is kind, intelligent, and supportive. I wish you the happiest nuptials of all time.
> now, get your brass knuckels and go find her. fight for your wife!
I would not dare do any such thing. To blemish Maddie's countenence would be a great ill. For, to injure her I would bring harm to You, my dearest. I will submit to my righteous place in the world, namely a lonely leather chair in this cafe full of single souls. Once upon a time, I dreamed we should occupy a settee together, sharing secrets and blushing. Now, I am left an empty shell of your former admirer. I shall cherish the memory of our courtship. I have cancelled our honeymoon to Usuhaia, which I had been intending as a surprise to thee, darling. Now I shall spend the refund on extensive psychotherapy to fill my weary soul with Jungian stuffing where once a great Romance blossomed.
in deserving Misery,
-LiXOXOXO
Posted by Racer on November 28, 2006, at 0:54:51
In reply to Re: I'm really upset, posted by Deneb on November 24, 2006, at 23:57:12
You know me, as far as I'm concerned EVERYONE is entitled to my own opinion, right? Anyway, I wanted to say that if you find writing about what you're feeling/thinking helpful, then it's a good thing to do. It is {ahem} a coping skill... Have you thought about writing a journal? Or even putting up a blog? You could write things there that might get you a PBC here. Might be helpful, or not, just a suggestion about another thing that you could try. IN ADDITION TO Babble, NOT in place of. (<<Wanted to get that clear...)
> It hurts when you ignore me.
>Yeah, being ignored is painful. Can you see that there's a difference between someone not answering you, and someone ignoring you? Or that someone might have personal reasons for not responding to you?
Sometimes, when I've felt ignored by someone, or neglected by someone, my first reaction is to think it's about me. Recently, my best college girlfriend, someone I've known for nearly 25 years, asked me for some advice. I answered her honestly, even though I knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear. And then she didn't respond to several emails from me, nor return some telephone calls, and I thought she was upset with me for what I said. In fact, I emailed her telling her that if she was upset, I was sorry, and her friendship still meant a great deal to me. Several weeks later, she finally responded, telling me that she was going through a rough time, and just generally not communicative, but was not upset with me.
So all my emotional reactions to losing her friendship were based on something I made up, not something real. That's why it's important to be able to distinguish one's own issues from someone else's. If I could have stayed inside my own issue -- that it's hard for me to be honest with someone I care about if I think it's not going to be pleasant for them to hear -- I could have avoided some very strong feelings of sadness.
> I want to threaten suicide.
> I want people to know how upset I am.
> I wish I were dead, but not permanently.
> I just want the pain to stop.This is another set of comments I really want to point out to you, though. I'm writing this hoping you'll find what I have to say helpful. Nothing that follows is about being upset with you, or thinking you're a bad person, or thinking you're manipulative or attention seeking. It is only meant as a sort of relay: these are things that I've learned, painfully, in my life. Perhaps by telling you, I can help you avoid learning the same things with the same pain.
How's that for a disclaimer?
First, there's no such thing as "being dead, but not permanently." I know you know that, but it's worth pointing out again. The thing is, I don't think you want to be dead -- I think the last line quoted there is what you really want. You want the pain to end. I want your pain to end, too. It's hard to watch someone in so much pain.
This next is something I've tried to say to you in the past. You don't have to threaten suicide to let people know you're upset. You can say, "I'm very upset right now," and most people here understand that that is NOT a meaningless statement. Most of us have been very upset ourselves, we know how painful it is, and we respect others who are experiencing that sort of pain. You do not have to up the ante by threatening suicide.
In fact, I think it might be good for you to have the experience of saying, "I'm very upset right now" and getting a response. Having a healthy experience like that, having someone else hear you without having to escalate, might help you feel a little better about your ability to interact with others positively. I don't think your parents have given you a whole lot of that, from what you've said.
Finally, you wrote this:
>People don't like who I am.
>People want me to change.
>I don't want to change who I am.I haven't heard anyone say that they don't like you. I haven't heard anyone say they think you should change who you are. That's not what therapy is about, at all, and that's not why people have suggested it to you. You don't have to change who you are.
I'm in therapy, and I am not planning to change who I am. Not unless I can be Jodie Foster, that is...
I do, however, hope that through therapy I can learn healthier coping skills than those I have. I hope I can learn to stand up for myself, not let other people's reactions dictate my choices, not get paralyzed by my fears. Those are things that will help me avoid a lot of the pain that I feel. I won't be as upset, because I will have more adaptive ways to cope. That is what I hope to get out of therapy. (That, and the free Kleenex...)
No one is suggesting that you need to change who you are, Deneb. People are suggesting that you might feel less pain, if you learned some new skills. It's kinda like taking a class to learn a new computer program -- it's about learning skills. That's all. The change you would make in therapy is to become a Deneb who knows more ways to cope with unpleasantness, and that's not a bad thing, is it?
Posted by NikkiT2 on November 28, 2006, at 15:15:11
In reply to Re: I'm really upset » Deneb, posted by Racer on November 28, 2006, at 0:54:51
I wish I knew what else to say..
I'm sorry
Nikki
Posted by Racer on November 28, 2006, at 21:56:20
In reply to Racer said it for me.., posted by NikkiT2 on November 28, 2006, at 15:15:11
I couldn't resist tell you that you ROCK!
And that you're my very favorite Londoner.
xoxo
Posted by Deneb on November 29, 2006, at 1:32:43
In reply to Re: I'm really upset » Deneb, posted by Racer on November 28, 2006, at 0:54:51
> You know me, as far as I'm concerned EVERYONE is entitled to my own opinion, right? Anyway, I wanted to say that if you find writing about what you're feeling/thinking helpful, then it's a good thing to do. It is {ahem} a coping skill... Have you thought about writing a journal? Or even putting up a blog? You could write things there that might get you a PBC here. Might be helpful, or not, just a suggestion about another thing that you could try. IN ADDITION TO Babble, NOT in place of. (<<Wanted to get that clear...)
I need people to hear what I have to say so a blog might be a good idea. I don't want to write about people behind their backs though. I think I want Babblers to read my blog so I'll have to make sure it is civil.
> Yeah, being ignored is painful. Can you see that there's a difference between someone not answering you, and someone ignoring you? Or that someone might have personal reasons for not responding to you?
If there is a difference I can't tell which is which when it happens.
> Several weeks later, she finally responded, telling me that she was going through a rough time, and just generally not communicative, but was not upset with me.You wrote that you ignored me, so you were not upset with me?
> This next is something I've tried to say to you in the past. You don't have to threaten suicide to let people know you're upset. You can say, "I'm very upset right now," and most people here understand that that is NOT a meaningless statement. Most of us have been very upset ourselves, we know how painful it is, and we respect others who are experiencing that sort of pain. You do not have to up the ante by threatening suicide.
I just don't learn. I post threats impulsively. They never lead to any good.
> No one is suggesting that you need to change who you are, Deneb. People are suggesting that you might feel less pain, if you learned some new skills. It's kinda like taking a class to learn a new computer program -- it's about learning skills. That's all. The change you would make in therapy is to become a Deneb who knows more ways to cope with unpleasantness, and that's not a bad thing, is it?
I'm already getting therapy from my pdoc. I told my pdoc that people wanted me to see a T and she told me I'm already seeing a T, her. Maybe I'm just a slow learner. I'm already learning how to cope in therapy, I just don't get it yet.
Deneb*
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 29, 2006, at 8:22:39
In reply to Re: I'm really upset » Racer, posted by Deneb on November 29, 2006, at 1:32:43
> > You know me, as far as I'm concerned EVERYONE is entitled to my own opinion, right? Anyway, I wanted to say that if you find writing about what you're feeling/thinking helpful, then it's a good thing to do. It is {ahem} a coping skill... Have you thought about writing a journal? Or even putting up a blog? You could write things there that might get you a PBC here. Might be helpful, or not, just a suggestion about another thing that you could try. IN ADDITION TO Babble, NOT in place of. (<<Wanted to get that clear...)
>
> I need people to hear what I have to say so a blog might be a good idea. I don't want to write about people behind their backs though. I think I want Babblers to read my blog so I'll have to make sure it is civil.Maybe you can try writing down how you feel and what events made you feel this way. Take your journal to your T/Pdoc, and try to incorporate it into your discussions.
>
> > Yeah, being ignored is painful. Can you see that there's a difference between someone not answering you, and someone ignoring you? Or that someone might have personal reasons for not responding to you?
>
> If there is a difference I can't tell which is which when it happens.It can be difficult in written correspondence. But it's fairly obvious in face to face communication. When sending e-mails, letters, and text messages you can have no way of knowing whether your conversational partner even GOT your message. You have no way of knowing whether they are actively ignoring you and dumping all your correspondence into the garbage. You have no way of distinguishing a delay that occurs because of accidental loss of mail, actively ignoring you, or merely being too preoccupied to respond.
If you find this aspect of correspondence really troubling, you have a few choices to make.
1) either you stop corresponding this way, and stick to face-to-face or telephone interactions.
2) you grow a thick skin and learn not to let delays in responding bother you.
3) you only communicate with people who you trust to respond in a timely manner and/or people who are very unlikely to actively ignore you.Remeber, we humans evolved to communicate with all of our senses. Speech, body language, smell even. This reading and writing thing is a very recent innovation.
>
> > Several weeks later, she finally responded, telling me that she was going through a rough time, and just generally not communicative, but was not upset with me.
>
> You wrote that you ignored me, so you were not upset with me?
>
> > This next is something I've tried to say to you in the past. You don't have to threaten suicide to let people know you're upset. You can say, "I'm very upset right now," and most people here understand that that is NOT a meaningless statement. Most of us have been very upset ourselves, we know how painful it is, and we respect others who are experiencing that sort of pain. You do not have to up the ante by threatening suicide.
>
> I just don't learn. I post threats impulsively. They never lead to any good.Deneb, everyone is going to slip up from time to time. A lot of psycho-babble posts are probably impulsive. That's okay. Please try to understand how much it hurts ME when I see you threaten to harm yourself because of miscommunication or disagreement. You are very dear to me, and I don't want you to do anything to yourself. I know you hurt sometimes. That is very natural, very human. Racer is right- there are ways to communicate this without threats of hurting yourself.
>
> > No one is suggesting that you need to change who you are, Deneb. People are suggesting that you might feel less pain, if you learned some new skills. It's kinda like taking a class to learn a new computer program -- it's about learning skills. That's all. The change you would make in therapy is to become a Deneb who knows more ways to cope with unpleasantness, and that's not a bad thing, is it?
>
> I'm already getting therapy from my pdoc. I told my pdoc that people wanted me to see a T and she told me I'm already seeing a T, her. Maybe I'm just a slow learner. I'm already learning how to cope in therapy, I just don't get it yet.It's okay Deneb. Therapy takes time. Can you tell us a little more about what you discuss in therapy? Do you discuss practical coping strategies? Do you talk about your childhood? Do you talk about how things that you learned as a child may be affecting how you think and behave as an adult?
I think you DO get it. Sometimes it's hard to make ourselves do the "therapist recommended" coping behavior, because we've learned another coping behavior in the meanwhile. (One example might be your binging/purging). If we think about your b/p as a coping behavior, what are you trying to fix? What kind of mental pain leads to do engage in that particular coping behavior? How can we get to the root of the pain, rather than just abolishing the symptom of it?
I have to get ready for school now. I hope you have a good day today Deneb :)
your friend,
Li
Posted by Dinah on November 29, 2006, at 9:15:20
In reply to Re: I'm really upset » Racer, posted by Deneb on November 29, 2006, at 1:32:43
> I just don't learn. I post threats impulsively. They never lead to any good.
You do learn. You haven't done that for some time. You did something this time that you regret, right? Everyone does that from time to time.
Ask me sometime about my resolve not to gossip with one family member about another. :(
And yes, as a general rule, threats rarely lead to where one wishes them to lead. But it probably isn't useful to beat yourself up over it. It's probably more useful to just remember the pragmatics. Maybe write it down somewhere visible from your computer. Something like "When I get upset it seems like saying certain things are a good way to get support and hugs, but it hasn't worked that way for me. It seems to work much better when I (ask for a hug) (say that I'm upset or angry) (whatever has worked for you)." Or at least that's what you've told me your thinking is. If I got it wrong, I apologize.
Everyone tries to get the things they want and need from others. It's just a matter of pragmatism to try to do it effectively.
Posted by Deneb on November 30, 2006, at 1:37:32
In reply to Re: I'm really upset » Deneb, posted by Lindenblüte on November 29, 2006, at 8:22:39
> Maybe you can try writing down how you feel and what events made you feel this way. Take your journal to your T/Pdoc, and try to incorporate it into your discussions.
That's a good idea. I'll take note of things I've written.
> It can be difficult in written correspondence. But it's fairly obvious in face to face communication. When sending e-mails, letters, and text messages you can have no way of knowing whether your conversational partner even GOT your message. You have no way of knowing whether they are actively ignoring you and dumping all your correspondence into the garbage. You have no way of distinguishing a delay that occurs because of accidental loss of mail, actively ignoring you, or merely being too preoccupied to respond.
Thanks for reminding me of that. It's easy to get impatient sometimes, but I've probably lost track of a few e-mails before, with no intention of ignoring someone.
> > I just don't learn. I post threats impulsively. They never lead to any good.
>
> Deneb, everyone is going to slip up from time to time. A lot of psycho-babble posts are probably impulsive. That's okay. Please try to understand how much it hurts ME when I see you threaten to harm yourself because of miscommunication or disagreement. You are very dear to me, and I don't want you to do anything to yourself. I know you hurt sometimes. That is very natural, very human. Racer is right- there are ways to communicate this without threats of hurting yourself.((((((((((((Li)))))))))))))
((((((((((((anyone I've hurt))))))))))))))I will try to remember how much it hurts others. I really need to step outside of myself sometimes. I need to learn to empathize more.
> It's okay Deneb. Therapy takes time. Can you tell us a little more about what you discuss in therapy? Do you discuss practical coping strategies? Do you talk about your childhood? Do you talk about how things that you learned as a child may be affecting how you think and behave as an adult?
Recently we've been talking about setting up realistic study schedules. We also talk about how I feel before I "binge" or purge. We don't really talk about my childhood. We just have time to talk about the problems I have currently. I think we do some cognitive therapy type stuff. I'm not very good at therapy. I usually don't know what I'm feeling or thinking.
Thanks for your help Li.
Deneb*
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 30, 2006, at 9:09:49
In reply to Re: I'm really upset » Lindenblüte, posted by Deneb on November 30, 2006, at 1:37:32
> That's a good idea. I'll take note of things I've written.
>
> > It can be difficult in written correspondence. But it's fairly obvious in face to face communication. When sending e-mails, letters, and text messages you can have no way of knowing whether your conversational partner even GOT your message. You have no way of knowing whether they are actively ignoring you and dumping all your correspondence into the garbage. You have no way of distinguishing a delay that occurs because of accidental loss of mail, actively ignoring you, or merely being too preoccupied to respond.
>
> Thanks for reminding me of that. It's easy to get impatient sometimes, but I've probably lost track of a few e-mails before, with no intention of ignoring someone.
>
> > > I just don't learn. I post threats impulsively. They never lead to any good.
> >
> > Deneb, everyone is going to slip up from time to time. A lot of psycho-babble posts are probably impulsive. That's okay. Please try to understand how much it hurts ME when I see you threaten to harm yourself because of miscommunication or disagreement. You are very dear to me, and I don't want you to do anything to yourself. I know you hurt sometimes. That is very natural, very human. Racer is right- there are ways to communicate this without threats of hurting yourself.
>
> ((((((((((((Li)))))))))))))
> ((((((((((((anyone I've hurt))))))))))))))
>
> I will try to remember how much it hurts others. I really need to step outside of myself sometimes. I need to learn to empathize more.I think you do pretty well, actually. You ARE empathetic, and you're learning more and more, which is really good! You've been very civil over the last few months. Maybe you've slipped up here or there, but you've always tried to learn from it. That's the best you can do, so keep doing what you're doing. I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, I just wanted you to have a tangible reminder that people care about you (even ONLINE people care about you). It's very easy to lose sight of this when we are feeling low, or desperate, or when someone has hurt us.
You have many positive relationships. If you take a few moments to think about all the people that you care for- (parents, friends, online friends, doctors, relatives, Dr. Bob) then you can strengthen your memory of good, supportive relationships. It's important to have strong memories, so that when someone hurts you you will be able to remember all the other people who aren't hurting you. It makes you more resilient, and helps you feel more confident.
>
> > It's okay Deneb. Therapy takes time. Can you tell us a little more about what you discuss in therapy? Do you discuss practical coping strategies? Do you talk about your childhood? Do you talk about how things that you learned as a child may be affecting how you think and behave as an adult?
>
> Recently we've been talking about setting up realistic study schedules. We also talk about how I feel before I "binge" or purge. We don't really talk about my childhood. We just have time to talk about the problems I have currently. I think we do some cognitive therapy type stuff. I'm not very good at therapy. I usually don't know what I'm feeling or thinking.Yeah, I usually don't know what I'm feeling either. Sometimes I'm able to tell because I'm around other people and I can mirror their expressions. Other times I don't even realize that I'm having an emotion until it's totally bubbled over. Yet, I'm sensitive to my moods. Isn't that funny? how I can recognize a mood, but not a more immediate feeling? I'm trying to get into the habit of saying (to myself).
I am happy. Doing ____ makes me happy.
I feel bad. I started feeling bad when I was doing ____. I feel (angry/ scared/ frustrated/ outraged/ disappointed/ anxious/ sick/ afraid)It's hard though.
One of the ways that I'm learning to deal with unpleasant events of my childhood is by retelling the history to my T, and I can see her reaction, and often it's shock or sadness or anger, or something, and that helps me figure out how *I* feel about this little story that seems completely unemotional to me. I even start laughing sometimes when I'm talking about someone close to me and their brush with death- a lot of ironic fake emotional displays, because the real feelings are just so painful. I might start crying or something, and that is not my favorite thing to do. I'd rather appear like I've got it all figured out. (if only...!)
oh well. Maybe you can start to work on this emotion stuff too. Study schedule is good. cognitive work is important for getting a grip on procrastination issues. I've been listening to the iProcrastinate podcasts from a group of research psychologists in canada.
cognitively there are a couple biases I have to overcome. Maybe you have them too?
I'm going to post these in Students.
have a happy Thursday, Deneb*
-Li
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