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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 30. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 5:16:54
For the last two nights I've tried to go to bed early. Yet a couple of hours after I go to bed I wake up sick and disoriented and only staying awake can settle me down.
The ever changing world of insomnia.
[Dinah]
Posted by beardedlady on February 22, 2003, at 6:45:21
In reply to Sleep is making me sick now., posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 5:16:54
> xxx
Ah, disoriented. Which xxx do you think you are?
I'm sorry you're still under. I hope things get back to (at least) manageable and tolerable very soon. Please remember that they will, as they always do. Holding onto that hope sometimes makes it happen faster.
beardy
Posted by Ginjoint on February 22, 2003, at 6:53:49
In reply to Sleep is making me sick now., posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 5:16:54
Hmmm...Dinah (I noticed you signed another name, but I don't know you so well, so I'll stay more "formal" and use your screen name)...maybe after you wake up too early you could go sit on your couch and watch T.V., which can be pretty bad in the wee small hours of the morning, but this can work to your advantage. Stay sitting, but slouch enough so that your head is supported. You may drift off in this position. If you do, your sleep might not be as deep as if you were tucked up and laying down in bed. If your sleep's not as deep, you may not feel so sick and disoriented upon wakening. But you will still be giving your body some needed rest. This works for me sometimes, I thought maybe it could help you. In the meantime, I'll wrap up a hot water bottle in a soft towel and give it to you to hold as you're watching C-SPAN. :) I hope you find some comfort.
Ginjoint
Posted by rayww on February 22, 2003, at 9:10:51
In reply to Sleep is making me sick now., posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 5:16:54
Dinah, you haven't been posting on faith for quite some time. I sense your own faith is waning, which sometimes happens in depression. Dena asked a question,
"Anyone else out there dealing with trying to pray when depression/negativity seems to get in the way? "
Do you find it harder to pray during the low times? The most poignant prayer I know of, is only one word, "help". ANyway, if it will "help" I will pray for you today.
rayww
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 10:39:54
In reply to Re: Sleep is making me sick now. » Dinah, posted by rayww on February 22, 2003, at 9:10:51
Thanks, Beardy and Ginjoint.
It's my fault for deliberately inducing hypomania. :(
And maybe a touch of withdrawal from the meds, so I took some last night.
Things are looking grim. I'm working myself to the point of making myself sick in order to keep the job that's making me sick. But financial obligations keep me from feeling free to look for a job with more steady workload. I know it wouldn't pay as well.
I'm doing well enough on the urgent project, but enough work is piling up to leave me working into the night for months to come.
My mother-in-law, who everyone thought was getting better, is apparently in very critical condition from heart problems. And I'm trying to prod my husband into actually asking questions about whether they can do something instead of just preparing for the worst. I'm so angry and upset. That's the good side of the family, my inlaws, and I'm very fond of them. They are the most loving people and are so central to my son's life.
My brother left today. If I'm hearing the true story, he rejoined the army and won't be back living with my parents for perhaps forever (since the current plan is to stay in until retirement) which puts the onus of caring for my angry, demanding parents squarely on me. He's safe and will be at a US base working in the office, and he's way better off because my parents were vicious to him (for some - but not enough - reason as he apparently stole from them). But I don't know how he put up with it. And I don't know how I'm going to put up with it. We can't move a thousand miles away because of my husband's parents. We both are the only kids around to care for our parents.
I often think of life as that giant rock in Indiana Jones trying to roll me down. And I feel like it's prodding my heel now. And I don't want to fight. I have enough trouble with my own internal problems when everything externally is ok. I just want to die before external things get really bad. So I'm taking very poor care of myself, but that's going to take a while to kill me. I know it's stupid and juvenile but there is a very stupid and juvenile part to me.
I know it would help to cut my therapy sessions to once a week, since it takes time and money to go twice. But I'm not sure I'm ok, and it makes me feel safer to go twice.
God, I'm tired and screwed up. My brain isn't functioning effectively, and I'm spacing out a lot trying to avoid everything around me.
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 10:43:31
In reply to Re: Sleep is making me sick now. » Dinah, posted by rayww on February 22, 2003, at 9:10:51
Thank you Ray. I've never had the gift of prayer, and those prayers I am comfortable with are ones of praise, not supplication. I will try to read the Psalms. My faith is unshaken but my brain is quite shaken and I find it difficult to understand the faith board thrads. I can only handle the shorter ones on Social.
Thank you for caring.
Posted by NikkiT2 on February 22, 2003, at 12:00:08
In reply to Sleep is making me sick now., posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 5:16:54
I always feel sick and wierd when I wake.. I put this down to low blood pressure.. but it oculd be because I think I have too much rem sleep.. instead of having cycles I seem to only do rem!!!
Sorry you're feeling so lousy though Dinah.. wish I could say something more constructive!!
Nikki
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 12:42:20
In reply to Re: Sleep is making me sick now. » Dinah, posted by NikkiT2 on February 22, 2003, at 12:00:08
Posted by likelife on February 22, 2003, at 13:36:45
In reply to Sleep is making me sick now., posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 5:16:54
Dinah,
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so lousy. When stressors pop up in life, they never seem to come one at a time, but rather, as you put it, rolled up into a giant boulder chasing us down.
I think remaining in therapy twice a week is a good idea, if for no other reason that it gets you away from work for a little while, and gives you a chance to do some self-care. (At least I hope this is the case.)
Take care--thinking of you,
Natalie
Posted by bozeman on February 22, 2003, at 13:39:16
In reply to Re: Sleep is making me sick now.-Beardy Ginjoint, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 10:39:54
Dinah -- I am so sorry you are going through this. I can relate on so many levels. The high-paying job, that pushes you to push yourself to illness to keep it, (with the only plus side to that being that at least I have health insurance and sick pay to carry me through the inevitable crash) -- the self-induced hypomanic state so you can squeeze more hours and minutes of "seeming" productivity out of the day (but I'm not so sure it's really productive, even thought it feels like it at the time, because of the time it costs me in recovery, and I suspect you are the same) -- the brother-bowing-out-and-leaving-you-with-the-primary-parent-caring-burden-but-you-don't-live-close-enough-to-do-it problem, that I still don't see an answer to -- and the ever-present rolling rock at your heels. Boy, do know that one, too. My only way of dealing with that one is either ego or denial (and I'm not saying it's a good way, by any means) -- challenge it "Ha!! Catch me if you can, sucka!" or ignore it "Rock? What rock?"
My point is, I am SO sorry you are in this much pain and stress right now. I can't help directly (believe me, I'm the kind of person that avoids my own pain by taking on others', so if I could I would) but I can offer empathy and support. You're amazing, and you're a rock for everyone else in your life.
I put an idea out over on Faith for when you (and the rest of us) have time and energy to pursue it. None of us do, now, but it will still be there for whenever we have the energy.
Please take care of yourself, dear. If twice-a-week therapy is what you need, then continue it. Ginjoint is right about the sleep thing, I've found. When you've pushed yourself to that point, it takes a while to re-integrate normal "deep" sleep without feeling like a truck ran over you. Sofa-sleep sounds like a nightmare to most folk, but it could be just what you need to get through the meanwhile.
Isn't it sad, and really weird, that sometimes the most complete understanding and empathy we find is with a (virtual) stranger. At least, that's been my experience. :-)
bozeman
Posted by Tabitha on February 22, 2003, at 16:36:02
In reply to Sleep is making me sick now., posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 5:16:54
Hi Dinah, I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling with so much right now. I wish I had something useful to say. You just sound overwhelmed, and bordering on suicidal. I pray things will settle down soon.
Posted by dreamerz on February 22, 2003, at 16:40:47
In reply to Re: Sleep is making me sick now., posted by Tabitha on February 22, 2003, at 16:36:02
Dinah..I haven't been reading many threads..wishing / hoping you'll be ok soon.
Posted by mair on February 22, 2003, at 16:42:14
In reply to Sleep is making me sick now., posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 5:16:54
Dinah
It sounds to me like therapy could be one hour when you can totally focus on yourself without the pressures of clients and bosses (and parents). It doesn't sound like the time to change your therapy schedule.
I think I can relate to what you're describing. I do go through periods where I have a very difficult time focusing on any one thought - some of this may be due to your sleep deprivation. Because I can't process things quite as logically, everything I think about seems as if it should be connected but I can't quite tie those connections together. Therapy doesn't seem as productive and really rather pointless - it's like I can't remember why I go to therapy to begin with.
You're obviously riding a wave that can either come into the shore gently or crash some. Maybe rather than trying to process everything that's going on in your life right now, you should just concentrate on one thing, like tackling the sleep issue. It's amazing how much better I get when I break a bad sleep cycle.
Take care
Mair
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 19:04:30
In reply to Re: Sleep is making me sick now. » Dinah, posted by mair on February 22, 2003, at 16:42:14
I'm probably actually being less productive over the medium term, definitely the long term.
And I shouldn't cut back right now on therapy. In fact I just called and left a emssage to schedule an extra session. I'm closer to teh edge than I would like.
My husband is understandably tense and disapproving and I just can't take much more. Add that to my brother jerking me around....
I just can't take much more.
Posted by bozeman on February 22, 2003, at 20:04:03
In reply to Re: You guys are right on all counts, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 19:04:30
Dinah, I know you're in a terrifically rough spot right now. I hope you can find a way through all this to be good to yourself.
Hugs
bozeman
Posted by noa on February 23, 2003, at 16:17:49
In reply to Re: You guys are right on all counts » Dinah, posted by bozeman on February 22, 2003, at 20:04:03
> Dinah, I know you're in a terrifically rough spot right now. I hope you can find a way through all this to be good to yourself.
>
> Hugs
>
> bozeman
DITTO from me, too.
Noa
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2003, at 18:12:32
In reply to Re: be good to yourself, posted by noa on February 23, 2003, at 16:17:49
Thanks Noa and Bozeman.
I felt better today after a full night's sleep. But I also didn't talk to my work or my family. Tomorrow everyone's going to be yelling again.
What do you guys do when everything gets too overwhelming?
Posted by bozeman on February 23, 2003, at 23:30:46
In reply to Re: be good to yourself, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2003, at 18:12:32
Not that I recommend this course of action, but you asked what I do to deal with the "overwhelmings", so here it is:
I refuse to answer the phone (I have machine at home, and voicemail at work.) I can return all relevant/urgent calls, and delete the rest. If it's reeeeally important, they'll try again, later, when I can handle it better. And I can screen at work with the digital display, so I can still answer when my boss calls. :-) You'd be amazed (I was) how many people, who call you in the course of a day, don't leave a message, they just move on to someone else who answers their phone. So I avoid a ton of stress this way. If someone else could help them, why the heck did they call me in the first place???!
PS. This applies to my family, as well. If they are being ridiculous, which sometimes happens, I let them leave messages and only return the "real" calls. They've learned over the years that I will do this and will not toleate being dragged into their stupid games as I do not have the excess energy. Ruthless, yes, but it's the best I can do, and our interactions are much better, for it.
I cut off all other obligations except work, sleep, and pay bills -- cancel all stress-inducing outings. I go to church if weather permits, as I enjoy that, but don't risk my life if the weather's bad. I get someone else to do shopping for me (I have a wonderful roommate.) Keep cutting back until I feel like I can handle it, and I call in sick to work if I need to. I used to think that I was only making it worse missing work, as I'd have that much more to do when I get back, but over the years I've learned that I'm not productive when I'm in that state anyway, can make mistakes that cost us tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars, and that my work is important enough that people will wait on it, since no one else can do it. (but I don't have kids or husband, so this would be hard for you, I know)
I had to learn, the *hard* way, that if you consistently go above and beyond to produce miracles, it's no longer viewed as above and beyond, it becomes expected. The only way that my employer keeps perspective on how special my work and dedication really is, is that I pace myself and take a day off if I need to. It's true, no one can pick it up and finish for me. So I have to make sure I don't get down so far that a day or two off won't fix whatever ails me. (if that makes any sense)
I pray a LOT
Eat lots of chocolate and drink lots of DECAF.
Don't know if that's what you were looking for, but that's what I do.
God bless you, Dinah, and I hope you get some relief soon.
bozeman
Posted by jodie on February 24, 2003, at 2:17:18
In reply to Re: be good to yourself, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2003, at 18:12:32
Hi Dinah,
Well, I just read & agree with Bozeman's reply. It sounds good to me. Especially the chocolate part.
Sorry you are going through all of this :-(
Let us know how you are doing.
Goodnight, I better get into bed. I have 2 cats, 2 dogs & a fiancee waiting. I hope there is room for me. Actually Mike (one of the cats) just came into the den, demanding that I come to bed....he jumped on my lap & he's screaming at me. It's sad, my pets have me trained. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around? :-)
Night,
Jodie
Posted by tina on February 24, 2003, at 8:26:15
In reply to Sleep is making me sick now., posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 5:16:54
Over the last week or so, I am awakened at about 2am with nausea and dizziness. Of course it sends me into a panic attack and I have to pace around the house for about half an hour. It's got so that I'm afraid to go to bed.
I'm sorry you're experiencing it too. It sucks big time.
sending you hugs and good thoughts
tina
Posted by tina on February 24, 2003, at 8:31:47
In reply to Re: be good to yourself? » Dinah, posted by bozeman on February 23, 2003, at 23:30:46
when things get overwhelming, I mean REALLY beyond what i can stand, I go for a long walk in the woods or I run away to my grandmother's house. She lives right on a lake and I watch the sunrise and sunset and I just bask in the loving arms of natural things. Basically, I 'get lost'
For some reason, getting in touch with nature always seems to remind me that everything else, including me, is very small compared with that power.
It doesn't have that same effect on everyone but it helps me.
Definitely be good to yourself, you do deserve it.
hugs
tina
Posted by noa on February 24, 2003, at 21:21:22
In reply to Re: be good to yourself? » Dinah, posted by bozeman on February 23, 2003, at 23:30:46
I do the phone thing, too. I refuse to be a slave to a ringing phone. I turn off the ringer and just check the caller id every once in a while if I feel like there might be something I need to deal with. But most things can wait.
Posted by noa on February 24, 2003, at 21:23:02
In reply to Re: be good to yourself? Dinah, posted by tina on February 24, 2003, at 8:31:47
> For some reason, getting in touch with nature always seems to remind me that everything else, including me, is very small compared with that power.
This works for me, too. But I haven't used it in a long time. Thanks for reminding me, Tina!
Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2003, at 21:59:30
In reply to Re: Sleep is making me sick now. Me too » Dinah, posted by tina on February 24, 2003, at 8:26:15
That's it exactly, Tina! It's been ok the last couple of nights. I took my meds at least one of those nights though.
I'm glad Effexor is working at least some for you, Tina.
I also feel my spirit soar when I feel the grandness of nature against my smallness. Unfortunately, there isn't much grand nature near me.
Thanks for thinking of me. And I'll send good thoughts your way as well.
Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2003, at 22:03:46
In reply to Re: be good to yourself? » Dinah, posted by bozeman on February 23, 2003, at 23:30:46
I usually duck my family's phone calls and only return them once a day (at most). I did some proactive stuff at work today to get others to decide on priorities so that I'm not juggling everyone's demands (as much at least). And I had a big fight with my mom, which wasn't good, but I managed to communicate how crazy they were making me and that if they wanted to stay in touch they had to leave me out of their dramas. I don't know if it will work, but I tried.
I'm trying, I'm trying.
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