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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Simcha on December 3, 2001, at 11:30:04
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am sad. My life sounds like a really bad country song.
My boyfriend has been caretaking me do death!!!! He's been so afraid to express his feelings in front of me for fear of triggering me...
This past month he has been such a dear. He's given me 6 red roses for the six months we have been together. He's told me that he loves me and that I am a wonderful guy. He has told me that I'm the best catch in the area and he knows it.
Well I just found out yesterday night that he has been plotting to break up with me after our trip to Paris together on Jan 1st. Gee, just in time for my 32nd birthday!!!
This has been running through his head for the past month while he has been a dear to me.
OK folks, I have MAJOR trust issues. I thought it was safe to open my heart up to this man. I thought that the feelings were mutual because that is what he has been saying. Now I learn that it has all been a lie? What do I do with that?
Now he claims that he has changed his mind and we are in no danger of splitting.
I'm tired of this roller-coaster. I want off. What should I do?
OK I may not follow your advise but suggestions are welcome.
I am in the pit of despair.. Maybe it's just profound sadness and not depression. If it begins to make my life unmanageable I'm calling my pdoc for an increase in my meds!!!!!
Posted by akc on December 3, 2001, at 11:44:03
In reply to Very Very Very Sad...... Need Help!, posted by Simcha on December 3, 2001, at 11:30:04
Simcha,
I don't have any words of wisdom. Just wanted you to know that I read what you wrote and can feel the pain and confusion you are experiencing.
akc
Posted by JohnDoenut on December 3, 2001, at 12:26:05
In reply to Very Very Very Sad...... Need Help!, posted by Simcha on December 3, 2001, at 11:30:04
Sorry to hear it. What akc said!
I think you should examine why he wanted the breakup to begin with and then explore those issues with him and find out what made him change his mind and if those issues are resolved or not. If you dont get truth then its time to get off. Trust your heart not your brain. If you feel after that you cant trust him then the rollercoaster ride has come to the end, time to get off and go on the next attraction!
In the end, you cannot be responsible for what other people think and feel and do. You can only do this for yourself. Be true to yourself and the rest will follow. Good luck!!!
JohnD
ps - I got some sleep and now I feel better.
> Ladies and Gentlemen,
>
> I am sad. My life sounds like a really bad country song.
>
> My boyfriend has been caretaking me do death!!!! He's been so afraid to express his feelings in front of me for fear of triggering me...
>
> This past month he has been such a dear. He's
Posted by Roo on December 3, 2001, at 13:23:57
In reply to Re: Very Very Very Sad...... Need Help!, posted by JohnDoenut on December 3, 2001, at 12:26:05
Wow. That sounds incredibly rough. I don't know
what I would do or think. In a way, it sounds like
HE may have trust issues. Maybe he couldn't handle
the feelings he was developing for you. I don't
know if you're religious or not, but I would pray
for guidance. I am really sorry this is happening
to you.
Posted by Simcha on December 3, 2001, at 15:10:26
In reply to Very Very Very Sad...... Need Help!, posted by Simcha on December 3, 2001, at 11:30:04
Thank you for your support.
To answer a few questions:
1. He claimed that he wanted to break up for me because I did not meet the qualifications for his "ideal mate."
2. Then he said he realized that his notion of the perfect mate (He said it was a carbon copy of himself!!!! What crap!!!) does not exist and that it was unfair to hold me to those super-human standards.
3. To all of this I wanted to shout, "GROW UP!" (I mean he is 36 and I'm almost 32. I've realized that my "perfect fantasy mate" does not exist. I accepted that fact a long time ago. Where has he been?
I guess I really need to evaluate why I'm working so damn hard to remain attached to this man. That would be something to do.
Posted by kazoo on December 4, 2001, at 2:54:48
In reply to Re: Very Very Very Sad...More... Need Help!, posted by Simcha on December 3, 2001, at 15:10:26
Simcha, my dear, I am confused. In your first posting you state:
> > Well I just found out yesterday night that he has been plotting to break up with me after our trip to Paris together on Jan 1st. Gee, just in time for my 32nd birthday!!! This has been running through his head for the past month while he has been a dear to me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This person is obviously deceptive to string you along only to drop a bomb. How can you trust anyone like that?(By the way: how long did your relationship last?)
> 1. He claimed that he wanted to break up for me because I did not meet the qualifications for his "ideal mate."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
How long did it take for him to come to this conclusion? I get the feeling that your relationship was a "test drive," of sorts,which isn't bad in itself, but he should have notified you of his intentions right from the very beginning.
> 2. Then he said he realized that his notion of the perfect mate (He said it was a carbon copy of himself!!!! What crap!!!)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What narcissism!> ... does not exist and that it was unfair to hold me to those super-human standards.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
An Ayran from Darien, no doubt. "Super-Human Standards": when were these published? It's difficult enough just being human, but superhuman? Who wants to be a cartoon/comic character? And thank God you're not superhuman,UGH, how droll and trite.> 3. To all of this I wanted to shout, "GROW UP!"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
No, you should have shouted "PALIMONY! PALIMONY!" and see how his tune changes.
> I've realized that my "perfect fantasy mate" does not exist. I accepted that fact a long time ago. Where has he been?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Your "perfect fantasy mate" *does* exist and is selling mangos in Sao Paulo, Brazil on the corner of Rua Alcides Pertica and Ceasare. Don't accept anything because acceptance is a form of defeat.(For the "perfect fantasy mate" try an escort service. They may cost some bucks, but what the Heck, they'll do anything you want, if that's what you're looking for. Contrary to popular belief, fantasy does not set you free ... it dullens the senses.)
> I guess I really need to evaluate why I'm working so damn hard to remain attached to this man. That would be something to do.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Forget about both the analysis and evalutation. Chalk it up to experience and move on.The dude did you a favor by being so forthright and honest. (Unless that was just a bunch of rubbish he sold you in order to hide his CLOSET space.)
(i'm back) kazoo
Posted by dreamer on December 4, 2001, at 11:30:23
In reply to Re: Very Very Very Sad...More... Need Help!, posted by kazoo on December 4, 2001, at 2:54:48
Posted by Simcha on December 4, 2001, at 11:51:05
In reply to Re: Very Very Very Sad...More... Need Help!, posted by kazoo on December 4, 2001, at 2:54:48
> Simcha, my dear, I am confused. In your first posting you state:
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> This person is obviously deceptive to string you along only to drop a bomb. How can you trust anyone like that?Well, yes, he has major trust issues too. After all he is a recovering addict who suffers from GAD.
>
> (By the way: how long did your relationship last?)
>
The relationship is going on 6 1/2 months now. The ex was a 2 1/2 year ordeal.
> How long did it take for him to come to this conclusion? I get the feeling that your relationship was a "test drive," of sorts,which isn't bad in itself, but he should have notified you of his intentions right from the very beginning.Well, we both were kind of clueless as to what we have had. We have both kind of "test drove" this relationship. That part is definitely a plus.
> > 2. Then he said he realized that his notion of the perfect mate (He said it was a carbon copy of himself!!!! What crap!!!)
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> What narcissism!Well, yes, he's got this BIG EGO.
> > ... does not exist and that it was unfair to hold me to those super-human standards.
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> An Ayran from Darien, no doubt. "Super-Human Standards": when were these published? It's difficult enough just being human, but superhuman? Who wants to be a cartoon/comic character? And thank God you're not superhuman,UGH, how droll and trite.LOL! Yeah, that's it! I kind of like being human.
> > 3. To all of this I wanted to shout, "GROW UP!"
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> No, you should have shouted "PALIMONY! PALIMONY!" and see how his tune changes.*grin*
> > I've realized that my "perfect fantasy mate" does not exist. I accepted that fact a long time ago. Where has he been?
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> Your "perfect fantasy mate" *does* exist and is selling mangos in Sao Paulo, Brazil on the corner of Rua Alcides Pertica and Ceasare. Don't accept anything because acceptance is a form of defeat.
>
> (For the "perfect fantasy mate" try an escort service. They may cost some bucks, but what the Heck, they'll do anything you want, if that's what you're looking for. Contrary to popular belief, fantasy does not set you free ... it dullens the senses.)LOL! Yeah, Sao Paulo here I come! Do escorts take credit cards and offer discount rates? ;-)
> > I guess I really need to evaluate why I'm working so damn hard to remain attached to this man. That would be something to do.
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> Forget about both the analysis and evalutation. Chalk it up to experience and move on.
>
> The dude did you a favor by being so forthright and honest. (Unless that was just a bunch of rubbish he sold you in order to hide his CLOSET space.)
Well, yes he did do us both a favor... Yet this has not ended yet...We had an almost all-night discussion where he finally had a few breakthroughs. I was surprised and amazed to learn where he has been during this relationship. He has been dealing with some major issues. He wants to see a relationship councilor with me to attempt to work on his issues and our issues. He wants to learn boundaries!
I think that perhaps we might be able to work together for a little while longer. I've been here before with other men. This keeps coming up. Maybe it's time to deal with it instead of running for cover and leaving.
I'm still evaluating..
Thanks Kazoo and welcome back! :)
This is the end of the thread.
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