![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 14:26:32
Have your or your siblings been ever held at gunpoint from one of your parents?
Does anyone else know what that feels like to be really scared for ones life from someone who we should be able to trust more than anything in the world?
or as a teenager have their parent threaten to have the police rough up their boyfriend if he comes into the town?
Or if you tell what really goes on in this house, I will kill you myself?
I wonder what is worse the horrid physical abuse or the threat of being killed by your own parent.Have you even been thrown into the water at age 3, because that is the way my mom learned to swim. I went under 2 times before my dad rescued me. That is bad enough, but to hear the story being told and how funny it was that I was so dumb I couldn't even learn to swim. People are amazed that I don't know how to swim now. Deep water scares the hell out of me.
Having your pet rabbits killed and being forced to eat them for dinner as punishment since I didn't take care of them good enough. Then having to eat the puke because she said I did it on purpose. Has anyone ever been forced to eat their pets or their own vomit?
Overhearing the only reason I was born was to protect my dad from going to war.
As a child who was naturally bright, high IQ, etc., was bright enough to be dumb myself down. Dont' get those A's in school, don't want to have my mother jelous of my grades, becauase she became very evil when that happened. I used to hide my band metals so she wouldn't see them. I used to change the grades on my report card to show lower, until I found it was easier to just not do well.
When I got married , she was very jelous of my DH. Tried to get him to like her better than me. Tried so show how stupid I was. Luckley my DH knew the truth.
Now the story she is sprouting out to the relatives is that it is my DH who is keeping me from having a realationship with her and her grand kids. So even with my marriage problems, I think my DH would protect me from her or at least help. Getting divorse scares me because I am sure she would be more aggressive in coming around.
She has threaten to abduct my kids and raise them right, because I don't spank them, they are spoiled. I am glad I didn't do it that way, because they are great kids, I receive compliments all the time on how nice and well mannered they are. I am so proud of my kids. I can't imagine how a mother can be so cruel to their kids, I look at mine, and I see how much I really love them. That is what a mother is supposed to feel so I can see why when people talk about mothers abuse, it is so unbelieable.And to think I feel bad when I am behind in laundry and my kids tell me they have no clean socks. I am glad they can live a much better childhood than me.
I have had to fight so long in life, now with a failing marriage, it just feels so hard. Why can't I get a life break? Why is it so hard to be happy?
My T says I am an amazing person who survived some of the worse crap ( I haven't told most of it on babble, telling it would almost seem abusive to me for others to hear it) and am still thriving well in spite of it all. But when will it stop, I would rather be ordinary or boring with an easier life.
Posted by canadagirl on June 12, 2007, at 16:46:43
In reply to *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 14:26:32
Hi Happyflower, I haven't been on here for awhile either but I got my password going again and saw your post and had to comment. I am so sorry to hear of all the things you have had to endure. No one should have to endure what you did. My heart truly goes out to you.
Posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 12, 2007, at 16:46:48
In reply to *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 14:26:32
I had a crappy mom growing up and a violent father. Did you mother ever actually shoot at you? Well, mine did. It's beyond horrible, it's beyond outrageous, it's just simply reprehensible to do that to a child.
In my opinion, it's something you never get over - no matter what anyone else ever says, you never get over it. It is built into the fiber of who you are just as much as your blood type.
But what you can do is learn to live with it. NOt push it down and pretend it never happened, but to come to terms with it, accept it is there and carry it with you.
You can also learn HOW that fiber of your being is affecting your life now and develop working strategies to stop living like an abused person, and take control of your own life.
I spent a lot of time just sort of "locked" in the abuse. I'll never forget the day it dawned on me that I could control my own life and choose how I handled things. It was an epiphany.
Yeah, it sucks really bad that we have to play this hand that we are dealt. Yeah it sucks really bad that most people simply do not have the CAPACITY to even fathom what we lived through or how it affects is now.
But, in my opinion, the bottom line is that (as unfair it is) it is our responsiblity to deal with it.
I also think that we have a very clear choice into whether we let that abuse continue to define our lives, or whether, as adults, we grab hold of our lives and begin to live for ourselves.
When you are out the petitioning for sympathy and compassion (as I'm sure you are aware) that is REALLY hard to come by and it is the rare person that knows - and I mean really knows.
But I do. And I'm sorry the road in front of you is so long, but it isn't a dead end.
love & take care
Posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 19:04:43
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers » Happyflower, posted by canadagirl on June 12, 2007, at 16:46:43
Thanks Canadagirl,
I am glad you got your password to workout. I have had it very tough growing up, if you would meet me you would never guess I lived through a past like I did.
But I just want others to have hope that things can get better. I really believe this for myself, but some days it is so hard to believe in it. Really I was just trying to vent my frustrations at the moment. My grandma (who never gave a f*ck about me) keeps trying to get together with me so she can probably try to get her to talk to my mom. It has been 6 years since I cut off ties and that is the best for me. There are no real need for me to have contact with anyone on my mom's side of the family. Luckily I have some good relatives on my dad's side.
Thanks for showing your support, it means a lot really.
Posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 19:22:42
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 12, 2007, at 16:46:48
> I had a crappy mom growing up and a violent father. Did you mother ever actually shoot at you? Well, mine did. It's beyond horrible, it's beyond outrageous, it's just simply reprehensible to do that to a child.
Wow, no mine didn't actually shoot me, but I did have a gun to my head before. Sometimes I wish she would have just put me out of my misery. Can you believe a young child would think that? Did you parents actually really shoot at you? That his horrifying to say the least. My brother learned his violence from my mom. He used to get into a rage like my mom and come after me with knives and baseball bats. He actually busted through my door with one, I am glad my Dad came home right then, who knows what would have happened.
> In my opinion, it's something you never get over - no matter what anyone else ever says, you never get over it. It is built into the fiber of who you are just as much as your blood type.I think nobody gets on why this stuff has to happend, but someone like you who have lived through simular stuff does help me not feel alone. All the time I have been on babble, I haven't heard stuff like I have been through, except for you now. I am glad I am not alone.
> But what you can do is learn to live with it. NOt push it down and pretend it never happened, but to come to terms with it, accept it is there and carry it with you.
I beleive I have accepted it, it was a huge turning point in my therapy to actually admit I was abused, not just my brother. But I am still dealing with some of the effects. I have been having nightmares lately since my grandma keeps writing to me. Her last letter, I did a return to sender and didn't even open it.
> > I spent a lot of time just sort of "locked" in the abuse. I'll never forget the day it dawned on me that I could control my own life and choose how I handled things. It was an epiphany.
>
My T was worked with me a lot on this. Trying to show my life isn't all a sh*t sandwich and I can control a lot of my life, when I was little I had little control.> Yeah, it sucks really bad that we have to play this hand that we are dealt. Yeah it sucks really bad that most people simply do not have the CAPACITY to even fathom what we lived through or how it affects is now.
You are right, and even if you get the guts to try to tell them, they look at you like you must be really f*cked then to have a family like that.
> But, in my opinion, the bottom line is that (as unfair it is) it is our responsiblity to deal with it.
>
True.> I also think that we have a very clear choice into whether we let that abuse continue to define our lives, or whether, as adults, we grab hold of our lives and begin to live for ourselves.
>I am trying to do this, especially now without my husgand support. I like who I am , and that feels good.
> When you are out the petitioning for sympathy and compassion (as I'm sure you are aware) that is REALLY hard to come by and it is the rare person that knows - and I mean really knows.
>
> But I do. And I'm sorry the road in front of you is so long, but it isn't a dead end.
>
> love & take careNathan, thanks for taking the time to post to me. I am sorry you had it rough too, but it also helps me to know that I am not the only one.
Posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 19:23:39
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 12, 2007, at 16:46:48
Posted by sunnydays on June 12, 2007, at 20:27:55
In reply to *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 14:26:32
I don't know why it's so hard to be happy. I really don't. I wish I did. I won't post what I've been through, because I'm worried this thread might be turning into people comparing how bad they've had it, and I just don't feel safe posting those kinds of things. But I sympathize. It is crazymaking, these kinds of environments, and it's hard to trust your own perceptions after having a crazy childhood.
sunnydays
Posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 21:00:43
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers » Happyflower, posted by sunnydays on June 12, 2007, at 20:27:55
I think the one thing that saved me from being really messed up, was that I knew better, and knew what she was doing wasn't a normal mother. BUt I was still scared of her, still am in fact. My T called her "one scary bitch".
I learned my values and self worth from others who cared about me. A lot of teachers liked me and helped me in my life and my best friends parents where like parents to me since I was over at their house a lot.
I learned about a better life through , The Brady Bunch, Little House, Happydays, Leave it to Beaver, etc. I had different models to see of how a parent should be.
When I deceided to have kids, I had to really read up on the parenting books. I must have read them all. All were a little different, but they had some of the same stuff too. So far it has worked with my kids. I don't spank them, but they are disaplined in other ways, and it is harder to parent without resorting to spanking as a first step. But I am glad to have stopped the cycle of abuse.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 12, 2007, at 22:08:14
In reply to *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 14:26:32
Happyflower,
I like you just the way you are. You HAVE been through some horrible times. How is your depression? You sound strong, despite the abuse.I couldn't read the whole thing, sorry- but thanks for the trigger warnings. I just want you to know that you deserve good things. KNOWING that you deserve good things and Feeling it- that is a huge challenge for me. Do you have days when you don't feel like you deserve the good stuff? well. enough about me.
take good care. Your kids are your heart
-Ll
Posted by sunnydays on June 12, 2007, at 22:21:45
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers » sunnydays, posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 21:00:43
I used to cry watching Leave it to Beaver. I wanted a family like that so much.
sunnydays
Posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 12, 2007, at 23:18:44
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers » Nathan_Arizona, posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 19:22:42
Yes, HF my mom did actually shoot at me, on more than one occasion.
One time it was so bad that my dad (who was the KING of violence himself) had to put me in the car and tell me to get down as we sped off. She was still shooting when we pulled out into the street.
He took me to a movie and then we came home like nothing ever happened.
No, you are not the only one who has lived a life that is a sh*t sandwich (I put the asterisk in myself just to avoid any hint of impropriety), but it doesn't have to stay like that.
Don't give up, this life is not a test drive - it is the only one we've got.
Pull your children close to you and live it.
That's really all that can be said.
Love to you
Posted by DAisym on June 13, 2007, at 1:09:01
In reply to *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 14:26:32
I'm sorry you went through so much. But I'm wondering what it is you'd like people to say? This post, and the one above, makes me wonder if you don't feel supported here, or supported enough? Please know that you don't have to "prove" you have a right to hurt or that you hurt enough to need support. In my experience, it is given here to all who ask.
I think there is a lot of wisdom in Sunnydays' stance of not posting her story, as I would hate to deem one thing worse than another. It is all bad and all of it should never have happened to any child, any where, ever, ever. I really do understand the need to shout, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE (HE for me) DID TO ME?!! I have lots of rage around all of it too.
Hang in there.
Posted by Honore on June 13, 2007, at 9:33:39
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by DAisym on June 13, 2007, at 1:09:01
I'm sorry that you've been through so many traumatic and frightening, and especially, extremely abusive experiences that have left you feeling so different and alone and tormented by memories.
I think, though, with Daisy, that when you put it as a question, what the question is. Is it that you are asking that only people who have had equally horrific abuse can understand, or help you feel less alone? Nathan_Arizona said that-- and you said that her story helped you finally feel less alone.
Maybe it's how you define aloneness-- or the type of understanding you're looking for. Could it be that everyone who never had those violent experiences can't be of any use to you? that their pain, or sense of aloneness and sense of badness and difference from others have no meaning for you-- and their presence really can't reach you-- because they didn't have violently abusive parents?
I would be very sad if that were true-- because I like you and have tried to reach out-- about the things that you do choose to share, even if my childhood was more overtly normal.
On one hand, it's hard to read the things you write about your childhood-- and I can't imagine what it must be like to go through them. Yet, I do know the feelings that you're left with-- some of them-- fear and deep loss of the solace and sense of being part of humanity that having good parents gives people, of having to struggle against difficulties that often seemed overwhelming, of failure and deprivation of being normal or, often, having a chance at the life I might want.
I hope you don't push away people like me, or say that only those whose childhoods were so violent and rough can be part of your world. For one thing, then I and others would lose a sense of connection that means something to us---- and also you might lose a connection that could give you support, even if it's a somewhat different support and quality of empathy from that that you feel from those who were more overtly abused.
Honore
Posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 16:23:45
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Honore on June 13, 2007, at 9:33:39
> I'm sorry that you've been through so many traumatic and frightening, and especially, extremely abusive experiences that have left you feeling so different and alone and tormented by memories.
Hi Honore,
Thank you for support now and always. I think I need to clarify what I meant. Sometimes I just write as things come to mind, and sometimes I am not clear in my writing as I would like to have been.
> I think, though, with Daisy, that when you put it as a question, what the question is. Is it that you are asking that only people who have had equally horrific abuse can understand, or help you feel less alone? Nathan_Arizona said that-- and you said that her story helped you finally feel less alone.What I meant about feeling alone, I mean even though I am sad what Nathan had to endure, I am relieved that I am not the only one. Sometimes I feel like I am alone with my experience as a child, because most people have normal childhoods. Most children are not abused. So when I hear that it has happend to others, I feel in a weird way better, that someone else knows how it feels to go through what I have. I belive you can support someone and try to understand how it was, but if you lived a normal childhood, I think you can guess, but to truely know how it feels, you have to have experenced it in some form or another. All abuse is bad, and terrible. But there is such a thing as even worse abuse, and their are levels of abuse. Did it happen just once, or was it habitual, how many differert abuses were there, how many people were the petpetrators, and how often and how long it accured. Abuse is bad even if it happens only once, but there are physical changes to the body that accures with continued abuse. I have physial scars and medical conditions because of the frequent abuse. I don't know if this makes sense or not.
> Maybe it's how you define aloneness-- or the type of understanding you're looking for. Could it be that everyone who never had those violent experiences can't be of any use to you? that their pain, or sense of aloneness and sense of badness and difference from others have no meaning for you-- and their presence really can't reach you-- because they didn't have violently abusive parents?
>
I still believe you can be a help to me, you have so many times. But as someone who has gone through these experience they have a differert perspective that someone who never experienced it. Not nessary better, but different.
It helps to get all kinds of perspectives I believe. I think that is why there are support groups for specific things.> I would be very sad if that were true-- because I like you and have tried to reach out-- about the things that you do choose to share, even if my childhood was more overtly normal.
I like you too, and I would hate to lose you as a friend here. I was just trying to say that I am glad I am not the only one. I don't read much about people going through the level of abuse I have gone through, and sometimes I fell like the ugly duckling. Sometimes I feel I can't post what all have happened to me. I guess I am trying to protect the readers in a sense. But writing helps me deal with it. I just don't want to trigger anyone over my own pain because then I just feel worse, like my disease is infecting other people.
> On one hand>
> I hope you don't push away people like me, or say that only those whose childhoods were so violent and rough can be part of your world. For one thing, then I and others would lose a sense of connection that means something to us---- and also you might lose a connection that could give you support, even if it's a somewhat different support and quality of empathy from that that you feel from those who were more overtly abused.> Thanks for being honest with me, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.
> Honore
>
>
Posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 16:46:04
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by DAisym on June 13, 2007, at 1:09:01
> I'm sorry you went through so much. But I'm wondering what it is you'd like people to say? This post, and the one above, makes me wonder if you don't feel supported here, or supported enough?
Hi Daisy,
I guess I do feel less supported here than before. Mostly it is my own fault. I have said some things I shouldn't have, and I do regret that . I have said I was sorry, but sometimes people are just unable to forgive you. I feel I have lost many friends here because of that. So, yeah, I guess I miss some of the posters who used to support me, because I no longer get that or anything conversations from them. It makes me sad. I have been on Babble for 2 years now and things feel different to me.Please know that you don't have to "prove" you have a right to hurt or that you hurt enough to need support. In my experience, it is given here to all who ask.
I try to do that, and people have been wonderful who have forgiven me and still like and support me anyways. I feel they have accepted me and my faults. We all are not perfect, I just wish I could be forgiven and be given another chance. I am really a pretty normal and nice person if I am given the chance to show that. I have made some mistakes, I am learning that in therapy how to overcome some natural defenses I have. It would just help me if my old friends on babble would give me another chance and include me.
In my real life very few people have done that, my T was the major one, no matter what I do, he still he doesn't abandon me, he may challenge me on something I do that wasn't right, but he always accepts my sorry's. But I guess the real world doesn't always work that way.
>
> I think there is a lot of wisdom in Sunnydays' stance of not posting her story, as I would hate to deem one thing worse than another. It is all bad and all of it should never have happened to any child, any where, ever, ever. I really do understand the need to shout, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE (HE for me) DID TO ME?!! I have lots of rage around all of it too.I really am not trying to compare "war stories" with anyone, all abuse is terrible. It was just nice to know I am not the only one who has endured to the level I have and is still living to talk about it. Most are dead, I would have been to if I wasn't a fighter. I had to fight my whole life to stay alive. Maybe I can learn to relax because not everyone is like my mother. But it is hard having to stil live with the fact that she could still show up at my doorstep and shoot me. I think once she is gone, than I can truely heal and not be afraid.
I had T today and we did talk about this, it was so hard, he said so many things about me, and I almost burst our crying, actually I had tears in my eyes. It is hard to hear good things about yourself when you are depressed. He did a lot of the talking today, I just had trouble talking. He had to lead the conversations, normally I do. But I told him after last weeks nightmare of my mom trying to kill me, I said I woke up and the first thing was I wanted to talk to my T . Because talking to my T makes me feel better. He almost had tears in his eyes when I said that. I do appreciate the babblers who have hung in with me and the new ones who talk to me, but I do miss some of the ones who used to talk to me.
> Hang in there.Thank you Daisy, I am trying, it had been really rough that couple of weeks.
Posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 16:55:08
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 12, 2007, at 23:18:44
OMG! Your story brings tears to my eyes, and I don't normally cry. I had no idea of what you have been through. I am honored you shared that with me. I wish it didn't happen, but you sharing it with me as helped me feel like I am not the only one who has lived a sh*t sandwich.
I know the rest of my life can be better, and I am trying really hard . I think I am doing the right things to help. It is just some days it is so hard to keep trying. Sometimes I just want to go to bed and cover my body and not hear a sound on the outside and on the inside. I just want my mind to be quiet and peacefull.
I had to rescue all my pond fish yesterday. We have a leak in the pond liner and I had to buy a tank for the fish while we replaced it (can't find the whole). It is so peacefull watching the fish up close. I think it would be wonderful to be a fish. ;-) I even have a few almost formed bull frog tadpoles. It is funny seeing something swim around with all its legs. Maybe I compair it to myself, I am changing to another creature, but in limbo land (like the water is to a frog) until I have all the skills to swim on my own.
Posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 16:57:42
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers » Happyflower, posted by sunnydays on June 12, 2007, at 22:21:45
> I used to cry watching Leave it to Beaver. I wanted a family like that so much.
>
> sunnydaysI still like to watch that show. But now no mother can live up to that one, but hey, I think I do alright.
Posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 17:04:16
In reply to Re: » Happyflower, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 12, 2007, at 22:08:14
Hi Llurpsie,
I feel strong but at the same time emotionally weak. My tears are on the surface today. I feel so out of it in a way. I had my first hours massage today, and I can't believe how much tension that that I have in the weirdest of places. He worked on my injury places, but he also did my face and head and my arms. My arms are tense, geeze and my hands! It was before my T session and I just sort flopped in my T office. Didn't know what to talk about. I made him earn that moola today. lol
You are a star llurpsie!
Posted by 10derHeart on June 13, 2007, at 18:16:50
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers » Honore, posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 16:23:45
>I just feel worse, like my disease is infecting other people.
You know what I know, HF? That you - and all victims of abuse - do NOT have a disease, not like I think you meant, anyway. The abusers have the illness, the sickness, the badness, yes, the evil and the "disease." Their horrid actions and words have resulted in you feeling dis-ease throughout your life, true, but THEY were the virus and you the unsuspecting host who never wanted any of this kind of heart/mind/body sickness, but it was forced on you.
Remember that as much as you can - I know it's hard.
The dis-ease (not fitting in, pain, sadness, rage and more) felt in life because of THEIR abuse OF you - you are fighting that - with your therapist, with friends here, with your fantastic parenting of your own children. You are winning, IMHO. Keep on going, HF, you won't infect anyone except with your strong spirit and caring nature.
And that's all I have to say about that! ((HF))
Posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 18:18:50
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 16:55:08
Posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 13, 2007, at 20:00:18
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by Honore on June 13, 2007, at 9:33:39
While I can't speak for HF, I certainly understand where she is coming from. If I may, I would like to share with you some of my experiences and desires on my way to recovery from a very violent childhood.
First, however, I would like to strongly state that ALL abuse of any form is egregious. In fact, I'm not sure there are even levels of abuse because, to me, that would imply some forms of abuse are "better" and some are "worse". I don't believe that.
Second, I am overwhemingly grateful that there are people on this planet that get to live free of abuse. It's like "Oh thank god there are people that DON'T know". It took me a long time to realize that EVERYONE didn't feel the way I did.
Third, I've thought a lot about why people who have experienced violence in their childhood DO feel a sense of relief when they meet others who have had a common experience.
It's really not about excluding others, or saying that others have nothing to contribute to my recovery - because clearly they do.It's more about NOT having to talk about it and not feeling so isolated by your past and just having a common experience.
However, I will stand by my statement that people who have not experienced extreme abuse simply do not have the capacity to understand what it is like. But here's the kicker - I personally am GLAD that they can't.
My therapist likened it to how war veterans continue to get together years after their war is over. It's not that they are excluding others, it is that when they are together they're included with each other.
I've never stormed the beaches of normandy or been on a battleship that was sinking and I wouldn't even presume to understand what they've been through or question the fact that they want to get together.
Sometimes, it's just nice to get together.
Posted by DAisym on June 18, 2007, at 13:43:32
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers » Honore, posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 13, 2007, at 20:00:18
Do you ever have moments when you hear another's story and you think, "what on earth am I whining about? HE/SHE went through so much more...had it worse...etc, than I did. And look how great they are doing! I'm ashamed of myself for not being able to rise above it, get over it, forgive...whatever."
I go there often. And yet for anyone else I would say there is no caliber of suffering, there is just suffering. I wish I could really believe that what happened to me was "bad enough" to feel this bad.
This probably makes no sense...
Posted by zenhussy on June 18, 2007, at 14:04:33
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers » Nathan_Arizona, posted by DAisym on June 18, 2007, at 13:43:32
doesn't matter how, who, when, how long, how many, why, etc.(in this argument anyway....)
PAIN IS PAIN IS PAIN
Posted by DAisym on June 18, 2007, at 19:52:50
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers » Nathan_Arizona, posted by DAisym on June 18, 2007, at 13:43:32
I know, Zen.
For everyone else in the world, for sure.
For me, the doubt lingers. :(
Posted by scratchpad on June 19, 2007, at 16:43:47
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers » Nathan_Arizona, posted by DAisym on June 18, 2007, at 13:43:32
There is no calibration of motherhood and pain and triggers...
My mom was MERELY unapproachable... there in a physical sense but very much not there emotionally. We are still estranged and speak as polite strangers. There was a brief period after my parents' divorce when she spoke to me as a confidante, very disturbing...so even though we are prone to say, "I didn't have it as bad as xxx," or, some such comparison; we can't really say that our suffering is any less or more when compared to another's. We all deal with situations differently; we all perceive our experiences differently. They can't and won't be put on a sliding scale. They are our experiences, and are valid.
That said, can I trade you my mom for a week? For cheap? She makes a good cup of tea (but that's about it).
hugs
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