![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 55 to 79 of 79. Go back in thread:
Posted by nmk on October 11, 2003, at 18:16:43
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » jrbecker, posted by BarbaraCat on October 3, 2003, at 23:54:49
Hi Barbara,
Sorry it took so long to reply but the forward on your post was to jbecker so I didn't read it until going back to re-read your posts on thryoid. Anyway, I use a 25G 3/5 needle for my B 12. I do have the yellow pee but I don't know if it is because of the boatload of vitamins I am taking or the fact that I don't drink my daily 8 glasses of H2O.
Hope all is well with you and you are continuing to feel good. In the past two weeks, I have cycled up and down twice. Here is the pattern: I feel "normal" for a few days, then progress into a hypomanic state (coupled with high anxiety and insomnia), and then crash into a depression for a few days. I have noticed that the depression is starting to lift today and am hoping the increase in Lamictal will do the trick. I have put two phone calls in to my pdoc in the past two weeks and he has not responded. I decided to take matters into my own hands and up the Lamictal to 225mg. Does everyone have a problem with their pdoc's not returning calls?
Do you know if Lamictal is the med of choice for rapid cycling? Also, I know AD's can cause cycling but I am at such a low dose (50 mg zoloft) so I don't know if this is the culprit or I simply need to keep going with the Lamictal. I have already packed on an additional 10 pds. from the nighttime remeron and am fearful to try another mood stabilizer that will pack on even more.
Again, sorry for the delayed reply.....I would never ignore your posts.
Nicole:))))))
Posted by BarbaraCat on October 12, 2003, at 1:38:29
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » BarbaraCat, posted by nmk on October 11, 2003, at 18:16:43
No problem, Nicole. I haven't been feeling to perky myself lately. Don't know what it is, if I need more thyroid since I recently went from levothyroixin to a lower dose of the natural stuff. Been really dragging, not going outside, getting more and more fat and blobby and I really hate that, but I just can't seem to motivate to put on the stupid shoes and go for a walk - to where? I know it would feel better, but it all seems so pointless and a waste of time. Oh well, there's plenty of tapes in my garage I could listen to while I chugged along but jeez, I'd have to wade through the piles of boxes to find them. I am sooooo sluggish I have to do something.
About your rapid cycling, I've heard that Depakote is the drug of choice for that, but Lamictal can either even it out or destabilize you. I'd suspect the Zoloft and Remeron are the culprits. I sure did better once I got off all SSRI's, especially Remeron and even at a smidgen (7.5mg).
But what to do about depression when the lamictal just isn't cutting it? I wish I knew. It seems to be great for maintaining a good mood and preventing mixed states, but I haven't found it adequate to lift me out of a real down time. This time of year with all the Christmas stuff starting to surface, I've been getting waves of grief about my Mom dying last December. I guess grief takes it own time to process. But I absolutely lost it in Costco the other day. No one really saw me weeping cause I hid in the pet food aisle and didn't make a spectacle, but I also didn't care. I've been weeping and moping and feeling really tired. I wonder what's going on. Yes, there's the grieving for my Mom, but all this crying and isolating is raising a red flag. Why am I falling into a depression now when I've raised the lamictal? Oh, all this throwing medical darts at us hoping some will hit a target has got me so drained.
You know, your comment about your pdoc not returning your calls, that's rather rude, don't you think? Even if he's out of town, there should be someone on call. It doesn't sound like you're calling him every hour or so either. He gets paid a very good wage to stay on top of things and provide a sense of security for his patients. I'd mention it if I were you.
My experience is that they'll return them usually that day, but my current one is so busy working in an HMO situation that it's difficult for him to find the time. I don't especially like it, but I've cut the emotional cord to him and no longer depend upon him for anything except writing my scripts. How sad. I had a few that were wonderful and I felt that I was in safe strong hands. But they are rare.
I'm resigned to the fact that I have to go through this recent thing on my own. Me, my journal, and my Babble Buddys. My husband is there in the background, but he has his own life, there are no pdocs in the world that are going to make a difference. They've mainly become psychopharmacologists. The psychologists just seem like cognitive behavioral whores committed to fixing you in 10 sessions by God or else. My friends have their own lives and will listen to me very lovingly, but I know I can't expect them to take me in and take care of me. Basically, no one can take care of me except me and my link with Spirit and I'm totally accepting of this. I don't like it, but I can manage. Howver, I wish the little house cleaning and bill paying elves would show up at my house. I can always tells something's up when the house begins to get real cluttered and looks like the inside of my mind. Where's hubby in all this? Who knows. I'm too tired to police him and besides it's my clutter.
So here we are, Nicole, trying to muddle by as best we can. It will pass, your moods will even out. I think the most helpful thing we can do is just keep telling ourselves we can take it, we're not going to shatter, we're just going to hold on until the tide turns again. I also want you to know that your being on this board is a very nice thing for me. I always look forward to your posts. Joy to you and me. - Barbara
Posted by nmk on October 12, 2003, at 15:18:06
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » nmk, posted by BarbaraCat on October 12, 2003, at 1:38:29
Barbara,
As I read your last paragraph, I broke down and started to cry. I am raining tears all over my keyboard and I hope it doesn't short-out on me.
I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling down. Everything you described about the lack of motivation, sluggishness, and that feeling that your moods are spiraling downward is exactly how I am feeling at the present. I haven't been able to muster up any energy to exercise since my baby was born 22 month ago. When I am depressed, it is a struggle just to get out of bed, let alone exercise.
It is frightening not knowing if you are headed toward a full-blown depression or if this is simply a little blip that shall soon pass. The anniversary of your mother's death could very well be the source of your depression, especially since it is the first anniversary. This was such a traumatic loss for you and I know she is always on your mind. To make matters worse, the holidays are supposed to be such a joyous occasion yet all you probably want to do is avoid everybody and their cheerfulness and climb into bed.
Support is key but you are right when you talk about friends and husband's who only want to hear so much. I have tried the therapy route for 4 years after my first bout with PPD and after awhile, I realized there was only so much I could say about my mother. It was my brain chemistry that was screwed up and no amount of therapy would fix that.
As you mentioned, it seems like an uphill battle that we are fighting alone. I know you are very proactive in your treatment and educated (probably more than your pdoc) but how do you know when to follow what you know based on your research or go with what the pdoc recommends with what he/she feels is "best" for you? This is my dilemma. Everytime I bring some info into the session based on what I have read, he seems to have his own opinions regarding my treatment plan. There is only so much research I can do before I drive myself crazy, so to speak, and at times I feel like telling him, "THIS IS YOUR JOB!!!!!!!".
But we don't live in a perfect world.I am so fearful right now. At what point do you say, "this is as good as it is going to get" and move on from there? This may sound silly but I have so much envy when I look out my window at my neighbors who are out-and-about doing everday tasks like yard work, exercise, etc.. I would give anything to feel like them....normal and not trapped in this awful mind of mine.
I will hang in there but you need to promise to hang in with me. Right now, this board is my only support and you mean the world to me.
I am dripping again....got to go.
Take care,
Nicole
Posted by nmk on October 12, 2003, at 15:20:13
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings, posted by nmk on October 12, 2003, at 15:18:06
Sorry, I forgot to check the little white box.
Posted by katia on October 12, 2003, at 15:30:56
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » nmk, posted by BarbaraCat on October 12, 2003, at 1:38:29
Hi Barb,
Just wanted to let you know I never was able to access that post "a glug of D" that you sent on Oct. 8th. I think it got lost in a redirect perhaps? I emailed Dr. Bob about it, but I guess it's lost. just wanted to let you know that. and I wasn't ignoring you! What did you say in it?
Sorry to hear you're feeling depressed. I've been sick with a cold for the past five days, so w/ all the cold medication and feeling like crap physically, it's hard to access accurately how my mood is.
I'm at 25mg of lam and now down to 375mg of Dep.
let me know how you're doing Barb.
Katia
Posted by loolot on October 12, 2003, at 17:36:50
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » nmk, posted by BarbaraCat on October 12, 2003, at 1:38:29
> No problem, Nicole. I haven't been feeling to perky myself lately. Don't know what it is, if I need more thyroid since I recently went from levothyroixin to a lower dose of the natural stuff. >>
I think this could be causing problems. Whay did you decide to switch the thyroid? I am on cytomel now, and it has helped a lot. I cant seem to figure out if I need to go off of it, but i definitely think it could make you gain weight and activate the depression for a little while when you do decide to go off or switch thyroid meds. I hope you feel better!
Posted by BarbaraCat on October 12, 2003, at 21:35:46
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » BarbaraCat, posted by loolot on October 12, 2003, at 17:36:50
>Whay did you decide to switch the thyroid? I am on cytomel now, and it has helped a lot.
**I used to be on Armour for years and felt it perked me up better than levothyroxine or Synthroid. But the downside was that I was getting too much T3 and feeling hyper on it. I went to my HMO standard doc and all he really knew about was T4-Synthroid so I went on it. I'm taking lithium as well which is an infamous goitrogen and my TSH was bouncing all over the place. Recently, I've been seeing a very good naturopath who has put me on Westhroid, a T4/T3 natural thyroid. She's ramping me up conservatively and I think I need more.
I've been interested in Synthroid/Cytomel augmentation for a long time. It seems that Cytomel can be tailored more delicately than the dessicated thyroid. I dunno. I have to discuss all this with her. She's someone I trust to work with me to find the answers. But it takes time. Thanks for your concern. - Barbara
Posted by nmk on October 13, 2003, at 12:01:46
In reply to Glug of D?? » BarbaraCat, posted by katia on October 12, 2003, at 15:30:56
>> I'm at 25mg of lam and now down to 375mg of Dep.
> let me know how you're doing Barb.
> KatiaHi Katia,
Barbara had suggested that Dep is good for rapid cycling...any comments? I am up to 225 mg of lamictal but am still cycling like crazy and currently in an awful funk. How did you feel on the Dep. and why did you decide to switch?
Thanks,
Nicole
Posted by BarbaraCat on October 13, 2003, at 13:13:31
In reply to Glug of D?? » BarbaraCat, posted by katia on October 12, 2003, at 15:30:56
Hi Katia,
I never found it again either. Lost in space I guess. From what I can remember, the main point was to reconsider your plan to ask your doc for Antabuse. I've never personally done it but I know of others who have. It is very hard on the liver and affects the Cytochrome P450 enzyme that metabolizes our meds and other substances. It can deactivate your psych meds after all this work plus leave you feeling awful. Some reports on birth defects also and not just during pregnancy. You also have to sometimes sit in the pharmacy while the pharmacist monitors your drinking it. You can't just go home with a prescription but have to show up at the pharmacy every day. Very embarrassing and inconvenient. This may not be true if didn't get a DUII but chances are you won't take it on your own which will defeat the purpose. It also does nothing for the craving, only makes you terribly sick.An other alternative that's gotten good results is Naltrexone. It's been used primarily for herion addiction as an opiod antagonist, reduces the desire to get high and works on alcohol and other substances. You just don't feel it, no high, and soon there's no more hankering after a nice little drinky-poo because it's just a flat silly experience. Isn't that what we want, after all? To lessen the desire for alcohol so that it isn't such a white-knuckler that makes you sick to boot? It too, like any foreign substance, isn't the healthiest for the liver but much less toxic than Antabuse. Another new one is alcamprosate, but it's not available yet in the US. So, just a thought, but really, Antabuse is nasty, nasty stuff and there are better alternatives.
You know, we'll probably get redirected to either substance abuse or alternative. It's hard enough to figure out what I'm going to eat when I'm depressed much less trying to decide which folder to move my posts over to and then try to find them again. Too much to think about. I don't know how move them myself since the majority of the threads get lost and broken, but hopefully we'll keep track of each other wherever we land.
Hope your cold is feeling better. Do you know about Yin Chaio? You can get it any most acupunture clinics or in China Town. It's the green box with little vials of 8 brown pills. You chew 4 when you're feeling that little throat tickle and 2 every 4 hours afterward, and by God, the gunks are gone. Amazing stuff. It's been working for me and family and friends for the past 15 years.
How you doing, BTW? I'm a bit better the past few days. We got a hot tub/spa to soak my poor fibro bones in and I started to do stretches in the warm water, Stretching is supposedly so good when in the midst of a fibro flare. Yeah, right - one more thing to flog myself into when I'm hurting and tired and depressed. But in the tub it was so enjoyable. It got my chi moving and the energy fired up again. Amazing how that works to brighten a mood. But I'm under not any delusions that anyone can 'just do it' when they feel like what's the use plus feeling like sh*t. You take care. - Barbara
> Hi Barb,
> Just wanted to let you know I never was able to access that post "a glug of D" that you sent on Oct. 8th. I think it got lost in a redirect perhaps? I emailed Dr. Bob about it, but I guess it's lost. just wanted to let you know that. and I wasn't ignoring you! What did you say in it?
> Sorry to hear you're feeling depressed. I've been sick with a cold for the past five days, so w/ all the cold medication and feeling like crap physically, it's hard to access accurately how my mood is.
> I'm at 25mg of lam and now down to 375mg of Dep.
> let me know how you're doing Barb.
> Katia
Posted by katia on October 13, 2003, at 14:06:22
In reply to Re: Glug of D?? » katia, posted by nmk on October 13, 2003, at 12:01:46
Hi Nicole,
When you say rapid cycling, what do you mean? Mood swings within days of each other. Because that's definitely me. I'd say the Depakote helped me some, but not completely at all. I've either needed to augment with a full amount of Lamictal and/or at the same time up the Dep. to beyond 750mg. BUT, we never got to that stage because I wanted off Dep. I've been on it for maybe three months, well two 1/2 months. During which time I heard from this board (not my doctor mind you) that Depakote can cause Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which can possibly lead to infertility as if the PCOS wouldn't be bad enough. One study done, I think it was as high as 40% of women on Dep. get this. (including those who take it for seizures). It might not be quite that high, but there is a chance. I'll see if I can find that study - and mind you it's just one study. I also am gaining a teensy amount of weight and not losing it and I need to lose at least ten pounds. If you can get on the XR version, than it helps in that dept.
It's been known for rapid cyclers as has been Trileptal and even Lithium, depending on who you talk to. As you already know, everyone's body chemistry is different with the interaction with meds. Talk to your doctor about it. It may work for you. i'm assuming you're another BPII? Does the Lamictal work on your depression? (I guess not from your post)
good luck and be well.
katia> Hi Katia,
>
> Barbara had suggested that Dep is good for rapid cycling...any comments? I am up to 225 mg of lamictal but am still cycling like crazy and currently in an awful funk. How did you feel on the Dep. and why did you decide to switch?
>
> Thanks,
>
> Nicole
>
Posted by BarbaraCat on October 13, 2003, at 14:25:57
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings, posted by nmk on October 12, 2003, at 15:18:06
Hi Nicole,
Oh, so you had a wee one 22 months ago? Wow, that should keep you busy. I had a stillbirth many years ago and even though it was a difficult situation, as anyone can imagine, it was really for the best and I knew this at the time so it wasn't the horrendous experience it might have been. But the point is that my bipolar symptoms seemed to start right afterwards. I'd had major depressive symptoms since puberty but not like with PPD. It makes me more certain that there's a strong hormonal influence that's occurring that never quite gets reset. Ever notice how most pdocs never remotely consider this angle?About your pdoc, the whole medical system is really a travesty, but I've said this so many times before. The idea that something so delicate as the brain is never considered along with such strong influences like food, hormones, environmental toxins, etc etc is no wonder so many of us aren't getting better. We're missing large pieces of the puzzle.
But you're right in that unless we want to move forward with our care we have to do the research and insist upon what our inner knowing tells us is right. We have to be experts in our own care which is a tall order when life seems so hard and we barely think straight. But at least we have so much more knowledge than most people who are suffering greatly without having a clue why (other than what the drug commercials on TV tell them).
Anymore, I consider my pdoc as someone who wields the prescription pad and vaguely tells me the possible interractions one med will have with another. But he never remembers that lithium damages the thyroid and I have to hide my annoyance every time when I remind him of this. I'm also taking hormone replacement from my naturopath and estrogen will affect all other hormonal systems, including thyroid. He goes 'Uh, hmmm, yeah. Well, it's been so long since I studied that in medical school'. He's so focussed on brain meds that he's out of any other loop.
He's a very nice man and really wants to help, but how can he with his limited time and revolving door patient after patient? He's also obviously healthy and fit but never mentions eating, exercise, vitamins, any of that stuff. Why? Is it that the drug lobbies hobble them from dealing out any advice that isn't drug related?
As far as your pdoc shooting down your ideas or suggestions, perhaps if you brought in papers with references citing some research? Probably not anything on this board or other anecdotal evidence. My doctor rolls his eyes at anything that isn't cited in PubMed or Medscape. As if those researchers really know. All they seem to know from is mice and rats and they can't talk very well.
The other thing, as I mentioned above, is they probably get deluged with patients coming in and wanting to try some new and wonderful pill they saw on a TV commercial, the ones with scenes of a poor schlump rising from his bed of misery, taking a pill, and then cavorting merrily about having sex and playing on swings and monkey bars at a playground. I'm sure they get tired of it. So coming armed with something respectable might carry some weight. But I totally agree with you. At some point the pain gets too bad and we desperately seek out help, and hope plays such a crucial role in it. After a while, one loses hope that these people can offer very much. But in my better days, I feel proud of myself for taking matters into my own hands and not giving my power away.
Ah... but there are those other times when I can't summon any power and feel pretty darn weak and pitiful, hate myself and life, feel no one likes me, least of all myself, can't do the smallest thing without leaving a trail of disorder in my wake, envy the garbage men, the mail carrier, anyone who is doing life. I can't bear to open my monthly Oprah magazine, because I know it'll be filled with women who, well, get written about in Oprah. I can't even get out of my jammies until 6pm and drop and slop and spill things and I feel like my existence is a waste of good energy.
It makes me very angry because we are all so hurting and want some relief from the excessive pain that goes way beyond life's suffering. I really hate to admit this but I think the answer lies in exercise. Oh right, sure, drag the miserable cold exhausted freaked out bod to a gym or in the living room and do leg lifts. I'd rather swallow nails. But we got a hot tub/spa for my fibro and I did some good stretches in it and as I was saying to Katia, it really got the energy moving. I'm surprised at how just that little amount made such as difference. It's like our energy, our chi, gets dammed up unless we move it. Eventually I'll feel the motivation to start dancing again, walk outside, maybe even dig up those flower beds and plant the crates full of bulbs I bought from Costco during a garden project hypomania.
Yes, this board is my therapy as well. I learn so much from it, real people telling real experiences and empathising because they KNOW. This is the other thing with pdocs. I'm not sure why they go into the field because it must not be easy listening to one tale of woe after another. But it's obvious they're not familiar with how these meds feel or how WE feel. Sigh, we're such a young species and we don't have it quite right yet. I sure hope you're being very good to yourself and crying tears of release. Crying is good. I just got done with a passage in a wonderful book "After the ecstacy, the Laundry" where one interviewee talks about how they cried and cried and cried for weeks with all the pain of the world, their own pain. They just let themselves sink into the wringing out of the pain even though the tears after a while didn't have an object or reason. It was just pain.
I know it's difficult to do when you have a little one around and you don't want them to see Mommy weeping all the time. But sometimes that's all you can do, just have a good cry. Alot of toxins come out with tears. Sometimes I'm amazed at how I'll start out feeling just 'off', icky, a little sad, and then say 'oh, OK, here I go' and sure enough after a short while I'm really sobbing. There's wells and wells of deep pain in there and of course I'm going to suffer as long as it's not healed. Afterwards I rub some ice cubes around my face and my eyes cause I look like a red puffy mess. Oh, and a bunch of ibuprofen for the inevitable headache.
So, yes, I will gladly be with you through this at all times, as I know you're there for me. It seems we go in and out of it, alternately reaching for help, and offering a hand in help. But at least we have an idea of how terribly frightening and alone it can be. That's what I appreciate about this board - most of us here are really doing the work to instigate our own healing rather depending on some other poor inadequate human to provide the answers for us - there ain't no such animal it seems. But one thing to keep in mind that I always forget in the thick of it - it's stuff like this that opens the heart to all of life. It's funny, but once I'm out of the paralysis of it, I'm actually glad for the warrior training, or as my husband calls it, Special High Intensity Training. - Barbara
Posted by katia on October 13, 2003, at 14:32:57
In reply to Re: Glug of D?? » katia, posted by BarbaraCat on October 13, 2003, at 13:13:31
HI Barb,
I have no idea how to redirect either. However, I did reply to your message on a new thread at Substance board. it's at the bottom of the list
Thread
Antabuse katia 10/13/03
So just pop over there and it should be there.
Katia
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 13, 2003, at 15:51:41
In reply to Re: Glug of D?? » BarbaraCat, posted by katia on October 13, 2003, at 14:32:57
> I have no idea how to redirect either.
See:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#redirect
> However, I did reply to your message on a new thread at Substance board. it's at the bottom of the list
>
> Thread
> Antabuse katia 10/13/03It may not stay at the bottom for long, here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20030903/msgs/268981.html
Bob
Posted by katia on October 13, 2003, at 17:26:16
In reply to Re: Glug of D??, posted by Dr. Bob on October 13, 2003, at 15:51:41
So if I wanted to redirect this post, would i go to that site that you gave?
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#redirect
And then scroll down to the appropriate board?
This site lets you redirect a follow-up to another board. When you enter your post, just select a different board to direct your follow-up to.
Example for demonstration purposes:
Board: Psycho-Babble Psycho-Babble 2000 Psycho-Babble 2001 Psychological Babble Psycho-Babble Administration Tele-Psycho-Babble Psycho-Social-Babble Psycho-Babble Faith Psycho-Babble Book Club
Because when I'm submitting a post in psychobabble, I do not see where I have these above choices to redirect. Are they on the page that I"m submitting?
thanks.
Katia
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 13, 2003, at 17:40:51
In reply to Re: Glug of D?? » Dr. Bob, posted by katia on October 13, 2003, at 17:26:16
> So if I wanted to redirect this post, would i go to that site that you gave?
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#redirect
>
> And then scroll down to the appropriate board?No, that's just an example for demonstration purposes.
> Because when I'm submitting a post in psychobabble, I do not see where I have these above choices to redirect. Are they on the page that I"m submitting?
Look right after "Enter your post" or "Revise your post"...
Bob
Posted by katia on October 14, 2003, at 1:52:58
In reply to Re: how to redirect, posted by Dr. Bob on October 13, 2003, at 17:40:51
> > So if I wanted to redirect this post, would i go to that site that you gave?
> >
> > http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#redirect
> >
> > And then scroll down to the appropriate board?
>
> No, that's just an example for demonstration purposes.
>
> > Because when I'm submitting a post in psychobabble, I do not see where I have these above choices to redirect. Are they on the page that I"m submitting?
>
> Look right after "Enter your post" or "Revise your post"...
>
> BobAll I see there is this:
From this page you can enter your post, review the previous post, or register if you haven't already. (at the top of the page) It's says "register" not "redirect" on all my screens.
and the "confirm - click once" at the bottom of the page.
I really don't see it anywhere.
Posted by nmk on October 14, 2003, at 9:00:41
In reply to Re: Glug of D?? » nmk, posted by katia on October 13, 2003, at 14:06:22
Katia,
Thanks for the info Katia. By rapid cycling, I mean that I have been in a hypomanic state and then crashed into a depression twice in the past two weeks. I titrated up on the Lamictal again today and am up to 250 mg. We shall see. I was SO depressed over the weekend but am slowly coming out of it. I have tried a fairly high dose of dose of Trileptal (1200 mg) before starting the Lam. and that didn't do diddly for me. By talking to Barbara and doing alot of research, I am sure that my 50 mg of zoloft and the 7.5 mg of Remeron I take at night could be the culprit. I tried the other night to go without the Remeron and I couldn't sleep for the life of me. I ended up popping 2 restoril's that I had in my endless stash of drugs and felt so crappy yesterday.
For now, I will keep ramping up the Lam. and take it from there. I am afraid of the weight gain from either Dep. or Lithium.
Thanks again for your help, I do appreciate it.
Nicole:)))
Posted by nmk on October 14, 2003, at 9:26:57
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » nmk, posted by BarbaraCat on October 13, 2003, at 14:25:57
Hi Barbara,
Sorry it always takes awhile for me to respond. Along with my baby, I have 8 year old twins and a full-time job as a college counselor. Needless to say, the only time I have to cruise this board and converse is at work (shhh, don't tell). Life would be great if all I had to deal with was my hectic schedule and not the added burden of this mental illness.
You are absolutely, 100% correct when you say that these reproductive events in our lives have alot to do with our illness. Before the birth of my twins at 30, I never experience a depressive or hypomanic episode (although I have always had a touch of neurotic anxiety). When the twins were born, I experienced my first bout with depression but was able to muddle through life on 50 mg of zoloft and klonopin at night...none of this crazy cycling. It wasn't until the birth of my third that everthing went downhill. I fear for what will happen at menopause.
I am sorry about the loss of your baby...I can't even imagine what you must have gone through. Did you have any children subsequent to that event?
What is most ironic about this whole mess is that my pdoc used to practice ob/gyn so HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER!!! Also, he has written a book on PPD yet when I see him for my appts., you would never guess that he possessed this much "knowledge". Like your pdoc, he has the presciption pad at hand and spends much of the time writing.
Well, sorry to cut this short but I am off to another boring meeting. Hang in there with me, for today is a better day and I hope it is for you.
Your pal,
Nicole
Posted by BarbaraCat on October 14, 2003, at 14:03:36
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » BarbaraCat, posted by nmk on October 14, 2003, at 9:26:57
Hi Nicole,
Please don't concern yourself with responding quickly. I certainly understand and am amazed you can deal with anything besides your 3 kids and with depression! Ye Gods! So no need to respond. I'm using this board as a way to clarify my thoughts, like journal writing, but more personal because I feel a friend is listening. So please go at your own rate and take care of your pressing business first. This can wait.No, I have no other children. I guess it's a blessing in many ways. If my baby would have lived and I would have been a mother when I was 20 my life would have gone very differently and would have probably been very difficult. But who knows? But I do know it was for the best for all concerned. I had a very strong 'visit' from my Mom and she and he were there, grandmom and grandson enjoying themselves thoroughly. Very sweet and comforting.
I've thought many times about how things would go if I had children during the dark times when all I could do was barely hang on. Perhaps one learns to just get on with it and the motherly instinct takes over and you just push through it.
About the only time I regret not having kids is Christmas, and also when my close friends disappear into mother-land and I can't follow or relate. I've always had a thing for animals and I guess that's what I've chosen to care for in this life and they've provided boundless mutual affection.
I could always take care of my kitty brood even in my worst times because my love for them overrode my lethargy - even though it was a Herculean effort to find and open the cans of cat food. But then again, when I hit the wall I depended on my husband to take up the slack, which he has always done. It's the really bad times that I appreciate him the most. He's stood by me and given me the respect and support to let me just be, however crazed that might be. I know it's been a drain on him, as it is on anyone who has to cope with a very depressed person whose mind can't focus on anything but despair.
I try not to bother him too much with my daily downers because I know there's only so much a person is willing to smile and say 'there there, it will get better' while really wanting to shake you and say 'get over it, dammit!'.
I've also made a big decision just today to not drink again. It's been escalating over the past 3 years when I was completely sober to now really affecting my outlook and my efforts to heal the fibro. It's just time to give that one up and discover the difference a clear mind and body will make.
So today, I'm sapped of energy and feeling rather blue. But I don't think any med is going to make a difference. Oh, something is bound to bouy me up or ease the anxiety, but what I really need is to re-evaluate my life. Where I'm going, how I'm going to cope with life's adversities, how I'm going to get through the Holidays without Mom, how we're going to manage with very little money, how my isolation and moving out to the boonies has eroded my close friendships and the loneliness of it - all that, all that stuff we all go through.
I guess in some ways you must feel grateful that you've managed to construct a life and hold on to it. Sounds like a challenging load. I dearly hope you have some way to de-stresss, get time alone, exercise, all those things that are essential but get put at the bottom of our 'to do lists'.
Love, Barbara
p.s. You pdoc/ob-gyn really ought to know better. One wonders if they really pay attention to us during those appointments or if their minds are on their golf game.
Posted by katia on October 14, 2003, at 18:03:05
In reply to Re: Glug of D?? » katia, posted by nmk on October 14, 2003, at 9:00:41
Hi,
Yep that's sounds like me too - the frequency of rapid cycling.
one thought - Trileptal and Lamcital combo may have an entirely different result than Tri. alone.
Posted by katia on October 14, 2003, at 18:08:08
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » nmk, posted by BarbaraCat on October 14, 2003, at 14:03:36
Yay Barbara!
We're in the same sober boring boat now.
I've still not crumbled. But I think I'm hypo a bit. I'm alternately between feeling great to the slightest thing setting me off and temper tantrum rage irritability followed closely with euphoria again driving along singing really loudly in the car....
I might need to call the doc.
gotta go to work!'
Katia
Posted by BarbaraCat on October 14, 2003, at 22:20:33
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » BarbaraCat, posted by katia on October 14, 2003, at 18:08:08
Hi Katia,
Just think how 'high on life' we'll be once we detox all that poison out of our systems. Sorry you're going through the rollercoaster ride. It could be fun if it were only the fun parts. The Dep was probably keeping the mania at bay.That's been my opinion all along - Lamictal is not a mood stabilizer. It's some totally different kind of antidepressant augmenting agent that needs a true mood stabilizer for it to click in and work the way it's supposed to, at least for us BP's. But oh, what could that mood stabilizer be that isn't a disaster? Another way to look at this ride you're on is that you're going through some powerful detox effects from alcohol withdrawal. I know I sure am. I've heard that lots of Vitamin C, about 1gram every 2 hours, helps with this. You just hang in there and shine it on. - Barbara
> Yay Barbara!
> We're in the same sober boring boat now.
> I've still not crumbled. But I think I'm hypo a bit. I'm alternately between feeling great to the slightest thing setting me off and temper tantrum rage irritability followed closely with euphoria again driving along singing really loudly in the car....
> I might need to call the doc.
> gotta go to work!'
> Katia
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 15, 2003, at 0:19:17
In reply to Re: how to redirect » Dr. Bob, posted by katia on October 14, 2003, at 1:52:58
> > > Because when I'm submitting a post in psychobabble, I do not see where I have these above choices to redirect.
> >
> > Look right after "Enter your post" or "Revise your post"...
>
> All I see there is this:
>
> From this page you can enter your post, review the previous post, or register if you haven't already. (at the top of the page)OK, after that there's a horizontal line, right? And then what? And right after that?
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 15, 2003, at 0:24:50
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » nmk, posted by BarbaraCat on October 14, 2003, at 14:03:36
> I'm using this board as a way to clarify my thoughts, like journal writing, but more personal because I feel a friend is listening...
That's fine, but unless they have to do with medication, I'd like those posts (and replies to them) to be redirected to Psycho-Social-Babble. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031011/msgs/269544.html
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by katia on October 15, 2003, at 2:06:47
In reply to Re: how to redirect, posted by Dr. Bob on October 15, 2003, at 0:19:17
GOT IT! sorry I was looking way up above. It's below it. anyway, duh! I'm not really dim I swear!
thanks.
Katia
This is the end of the thread.
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