Posted by nmk on October 12, 2003, at 15:18:06
In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » nmk, posted by BarbaraCat on October 12, 2003, at 1:38:29
Barbara,
As I read your last paragraph, I broke down and started to cry. I am raining tears all over my keyboard and I hope it doesn't short-out on me.
I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling down. Everything you described about the lack of motivation, sluggishness, and that feeling that your moods are spiraling downward is exactly how I am feeling at the present. I haven't been able to muster up any energy to exercise since my baby was born 22 month ago. When I am depressed, it is a struggle just to get out of bed, let alone exercise.
It is frightening not knowing if you are headed toward a full-blown depression or if this is simply a little blip that shall soon pass. The anniversary of your mother's death could very well be the source of your depression, especially since it is the first anniversary. This was such a traumatic loss for you and I know she is always on your mind. To make matters worse, the holidays are supposed to be such a joyous occasion yet all you probably want to do is avoid everybody and their cheerfulness and climb into bed.
Support is key but you are right when you talk about friends and husband's who only want to hear so much. I have tried the therapy route for 4 years after my first bout with PPD and after awhile, I realized there was only so much I could say about my mother. It was my brain chemistry that was screwed up and no amount of therapy would fix that.
As you mentioned, it seems like an uphill battle that we are fighting alone. I know you are very proactive in your treatment and educated (probably more than your pdoc) but how do you know when to follow what you know based on your research or go with what the pdoc recommends with what he/she feels is "best" for you? This is my dilemma. Everytime I bring some info into the session based on what I have read, he seems to have his own opinions regarding my treatment plan. There is only so much research I can do before I drive myself crazy, so to speak, and at times I feel like telling him, "THIS IS YOUR JOB!!!!!!!".
But we don't live in a perfect world.I am so fearful right now. At what point do you say, "this is as good as it is going to get" and move on from there? This may sound silly but I have so much envy when I look out my window at my neighbors who are out-and-about doing everday tasks like yard work, exercise, etc.. I would give anything to feel like them....normal and not trapped in this awful mind of mine.
I will hang in there but you need to promise to hang in with me. Right now, this board is my only support and you mean the world to me.
I am dripping again....got to go.
Take care,
Nicole
poster:nmk
thread:261445
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031010/msgs/268707.html