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Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » nmk

Posted by BarbaraCat on October 12, 2003, at 1:38:29

In reply to Re: Folic acid and other ramblings » BarbaraCat, posted by nmk on October 11, 2003, at 18:16:43

No problem, Nicole. I haven't been feeling to perky myself lately. Don't know what it is, if I need more thyroid since I recently went from levothyroixin to a lower dose of the natural stuff. Been really dragging, not going outside, getting more and more fat and blobby and I really hate that, but I just can't seem to motivate to put on the stupid shoes and go for a walk - to where? I know it would feel better, but it all seems so pointless and a waste of time. Oh well, there's plenty of tapes in my garage I could listen to while I chugged along but jeez, I'd have to wade through the piles of boxes to find them. I am sooooo sluggish I have to do something.

About your rapid cycling, I've heard that Depakote is the drug of choice for that, but Lamictal can either even it out or destabilize you. I'd suspect the Zoloft and Remeron are the culprits. I sure did better once I got off all SSRI's, especially Remeron and even at a smidgen (7.5mg).

But what to do about depression when the lamictal just isn't cutting it? I wish I knew. It seems to be great for maintaining a good mood and preventing mixed states, but I haven't found it adequate to lift me out of a real down time. This time of year with all the Christmas stuff starting to surface, I've been getting waves of grief about my Mom dying last December. I guess grief takes it own time to process. But I absolutely lost it in Costco the other day. No one really saw me weeping cause I hid in the pet food aisle and didn't make a spectacle, but I also didn't care. I've been weeping and moping and feeling really tired. I wonder what's going on. Yes, there's the grieving for my Mom, but all this crying and isolating is raising a red flag. Why am I falling into a depression now when I've raised the lamictal? Oh, all this throwing medical darts at us hoping some will hit a target has got me so drained.

You know, your comment about your pdoc not returning your calls, that's rather rude, don't you think? Even if he's out of town, there should be someone on call. It doesn't sound like you're calling him every hour or so either. He gets paid a very good wage to stay on top of things and provide a sense of security for his patients. I'd mention it if I were you.

My experience is that they'll return them usually that day, but my current one is so busy working in an HMO situation that it's difficult for him to find the time. I don't especially like it, but I've cut the emotional cord to him and no longer depend upon him for anything except writing my scripts. How sad. I had a few that were wonderful and I felt that I was in safe strong hands. But they are rare.

I'm resigned to the fact that I have to go through this recent thing on my own. Me, my journal, and my Babble Buddys. My husband is there in the background, but he has his own life, there are no pdocs in the world that are going to make a difference. They've mainly become psychopharmacologists. The psychologists just seem like cognitive behavioral whores committed to fixing you in 10 sessions by God or else. My friends have their own lives and will listen to me very lovingly, but I know I can't expect them to take me in and take care of me. Basically, no one can take care of me except me and my link with Spirit and I'm totally accepting of this. I don't like it, but I can manage. Howver, I wish the little house cleaning and bill paying elves would show up at my house. I can always tells something's up when the house begins to get real cluttered and looks like the inside of my mind. Where's hubby in all this? Who knows. I'm too tired to police him and besides it's my clutter.

So here we are, Nicole, trying to muddle by as best we can. It will pass, your moods will even out. I think the most helpful thing we can do is just keep telling ourselves we can take it, we're not going to shatter, we're just going to hold on until the tide turns again. I also want you to know that your being on this board is a very nice thing for me. I always look forward to your posts. Joy to you and me. - Barbara


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:BarbaraCat thread:261445
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031010/msgs/268561.html