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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cass on June 28, 2000, at 22:20:58
I've had two glasses of wine that gave me an incredible sense of well-being, and now that it wears off just a little I feel cutting my wrists. Why does this happen? In general, I am not feeling suicidal right now. When I drink, something comes over me, and I feel much more courageous about doing something self-destructive. However, I've never actually acted on the urge except when I had already planned to do so before I had a drink. I don't drink all that often, but sometimes if someone talks about it I get strongly get the urge. I don't care if I'm considered an alcoholic. I only drink maybe two times a week at the very most. I don't think that's enough to jeopardize my physical health. I just don't like the disturbing self-destructive urges I get. I used to date this man, and we drank a lot together. When we would drive through the canyons back to his house, I would be hoping that the car would go off the road and into the ravine. This is what's on my mind right now, and I just wanted to share it with someone.
Posted by kerry B on June 29, 2000, at 2:59:42
In reply to Euphoria turns into self-destructive urges, posted by Cass on June 28, 2000, at 22:20:58
> I've had two glasses of wine that gave me an incredible sense of well-being, and now that it wears off just a little I feel cutting my wrists. Why does this happen? In general, I am not feeling suicidal right now. When I drink, something comes over me, and I feel much more courageous about doing something self-destructive. However, I've never actually acted on the urge except when I had already planned to do so before I had a drink. I don't drink all that often, but sometimes if someone talks about it I get strongly get the urge. I don't care if I'm considered an alcoholic. I only drink maybe two times a week at the very most. I don't think that's enough to jeopardize my physical health. I just don't like the disturbing self-destructive urges I get. I used to date this man, and we drank a lot together. When we would drive through the canyons back to his house, I would be hoping that the car would go off the road and into the ravine. This is what's on my mind right now, and I just wanted to share it with someone.
Don't worry, if I drink, whereas I don't drink much either, I have those thoughts. Once I acted on it and took an overdose thinking how peaceful I felt and just today, I was in the back shed, saw a huge spider web and thought about putting my finger in there to get bitten and what it would be like. I don't understand why I have these thoughts but they happen and I just let them ride. I tell myself, it is a thought and hold myself back and walk away or distract myself. Maybe you could try that too? Just a thought ha! ha!
Posted by Rick E. on June 29, 2000, at 9:04:35
In reply to Re: Euphoria turns into self-destructive urges, posted by kerry B on June 29, 2000, at 2:59:42
I have spent a lot of time drinking alot of alcohol in my life...and for me, I had to cut it out completely. I know alot of people consider alcohol consumption to be self-medicating, that is, that before we knew or were willing to use medications to help our conditions, we drank so that we could cope with these feelings and thoughts.
For me, to drink at this point in my life, would be a huge waste of the effort that I have put forth to try and deal with all these thoughts and feelings. My mission in this is to feel normal without needing to drink, or take anything illegal, so that I don't have to live with hangovers and being sick all of the time.
Maybe drinking is ok for you, but maybe not. I would, if I were you, try to be perfectly honest with yourself and ask yourself what drinking really does for you, or for that matter, what it takes away from you. It used to make me think of suicide without panic...which is a scary place to be, if you think about it, because if I (or anybody) ever makes that choice, it's only made once. Please be good to yourself.
Rick E.
Posted by Kerry on June 29, 2000, at 10:04:34
In reply to Euphoria turns into self-destructive urges, posted by Cass on June 28, 2000, at 22:20:58
Cass--I don't know how many times I've had the "driving off a cliff" urge. I didn't know others had similar thoughts...it's clearly a symptom of depression/mental illness---believe it or not, there are some people who go through life never having such thoughts. Like you, I haven't acted on these urges, but the fact that they are there bothers me (well, it bothers me now that I realize that it's possible to NOT have those thoughts creep up). I'm a lot like you, too, in terms of alcohol--I have a few glasses of wine or beer a week or maybe a margarita here and there. I used to abuse it but have that under control. Still, alcohol doesn't mix well with ADs and after all, it is a depressant. I don't have much advice except to say to come here or call someone close when you have those urges--please don't act on them. I am not a cutter myself but my husband is a recovering one (we make a great pair) so this topic triggers many emotions for me.
Posted by stjames on June 29, 2000, at 12:32:04
In reply to Euphoria turns into self-destructive urges, posted by Cass on June 28, 2000, at 22:20:58
> I've had two glasses of wine that gave me an incredible sense of well-being, and now that it wears off just a little I feel cutting my wrists. Why does this happen? In general, I am not feeling suicidal right now.
James here...
It seems to me that if one could avoid feelings of wanting to cut wrists or suicide by not drinking one should do it. Why play with fire ?
Why suffer ?james
Posted by Cass on June 29, 2000, at 14:30:11
In reply to Re: Euphoria turns into self-destructive urges, posted by stjames on June 29, 2000, at 12:32:04
I think my need to escape is pretty strong sometimes, and the feeling I get from a couple glasses of wine, i.e., optimism and upliftedness however fleeting) lures me back. Deep down, maybe I am tempting fate, too, because maybe in that altered state I'll just destroy myself quickly without the trauma and pain that would go along with a planned suicide attempt.
I feel like apologizing for this heavy subject matter, but I guess I won't because I'm just trying to work through my feelings.
Posted by Rick E. on June 30, 2000, at 9:56:50
In reply to Re: Euphoria turns into self-destructive urges » stjames, posted by Cass on June 29, 2000, at 14:30:11
> I think my need to escape is pretty strong sometimes, and the feeling I get from a couple glasses of wine, i.e., optimism and upliftedness however fleeting) lures me back. Deep down, maybe I am tempting fate, too, because maybe in that altered state I'll just destroy myself quickly without the trauma and pain that would go along with a planned suicide attempt.
> I feel like apologizing for this heavy subject matter, but I guess I won't because I'm just trying to work through my feelings.
Cass,Don't apologize, you sound smarter than the average bear...I am wondering why you are having so much trouble being honest with yourself...you seem to have no trouble being honest with us!
I think everybody here probably would like to, in one way or another, escape from what we are feeling. But the truth of the matter is, we are here to try and heal our minds and bodies, or at the very minimum, to cope with what we lack in our brain chemistry. Please give yourself a fighting chance, and leave the alcohol alone. I know alot of people would probably disagree with me, and after all, it's just an opinion here, but for me, self-medicating with alcohol is probably what got me here in the first place. Give yourself a break...find a way to cope with your urges to "escape"...maybe plug those feelings into a positive activity...it's not easy, the first step is the hardest...but in the long run, you may just find some peace in it.
BTW, if you end your life, there will be trauma and pain whether or not you are drunk...maybe not for you, but for many, many others. I wish you the best.
Rick E.
Posted by Libby on June 30, 2000, at 13:11:09
In reply to Re: Euphoria turns into self-destructive urges, posted by Rick E. on June 30, 2000, at 9:56:50
Hey Cass & Rick...
>Please give yourself a fighting chance, and >leave the alcohol alone.My thing was margaritas. Two or three margaritas and all was right with the world - for a little while. Before I went on the antidepressants, I didn't notice alcohol had any depressive effects.
I thought it made me feel better, but once I'd had the experience of feeling a little better than crappy for awhile, I discovered that even a drink or two had a boomerang effect on my moods that was really nasty. I'd drink and think nothing about it the next day, but my moods were all over the place. Finally, my doc helped me figure out that even the moderate amounts of alcohol I was taking were affecting my moods
and I decided not to drink while I need anti-depressants. Alcohol really is a depressant.
I found that the hard way.On the other hand, if you decide you're going to drink anyway, you might want to come clean with your doctor about that, so he at least knows how much you're drinking and stuff. I know people who have refused to give up certain foods or substances in treatment. It surprised me at first to find that lots of docs seem willing to work with patients on such things, but what they don't know can hurt YOU, so I hope you can be honest with your therp no matter what you decide to do about the drinking...
Best of everything...
L.
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