Psycho-Babble Substance Use Thread 402905

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Re: Supporting each other in this forum » partlycloudy

Posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 13:13:25

In reply to Re: Supporting each other in this forum » jujube, posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 13:01:47

Thanks. I appreciate and look forward to it.

> Tamara, it will be fantastic to exchange thoughts and experiences with you. Thanks!

 

Re: Supporting each other in this forum

Posted by vwoolf on October 14, 2004, at 13:46:14

In reply to Re: Supporting each other in this forum » partlycloudy, posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 13:13:25

Can I be part of this too?

 

Yes, please - everyone is welcome to contribute! (nm) » vwoolf

Posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 14:01:14

In reply to Re: Supporting each other in this forum, posted by vwoolf on October 14, 2004, at 13:46:14

 

What if I don't want to quit?

Posted by AdaGrace on October 14, 2004, at 14:16:08

In reply to Yes, please - everyone is welcome to contribute! (nm) » vwoolf, posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 14:01:14

What if I just really want to talk about it first, is that okay? I'm not sure I am ready or want to quit drinking yet. Scares me.

 

Re: What if I don't want to quit? » AdaGrace

Posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 14:35:14

In reply to What if I don't want to quit?, posted by AdaGrace on October 14, 2004, at 14:16:08

I guess even if you're just thinking about whether it's a problem or wonder what other people do to deal with it, it would be interesting. I wish I didn't want to stop drinking, but it makes me so very ill these days.

Come on in, AdaGrace.

 

OK, I will go first.

Posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 14:57:19

In reply to Supporting each other in this forum, posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 7:18:58

Hi everyone, I just want to thank youse guys for coming to my party. I come from a fine, long line of alcoholics and I am glad to say in part that it ends with me - no kids to pass these bum genes to.
Every day is different - sometimes a struggle, sometimes no problem to stay sober. Other days, planning where I will stop and shop on the way home is all I can think about. Being alone with myself in this head is the least comfortable place for me, and drinking puts me nicely into the oblivion I crave. My goal is to be happy enough with myself to stand spending an evening alone and sober, but they are rare.
I am taking medication for bipolar2 (mostly depressed, not much mania), anxiety, and panic attacks. The booze does NOT make me happy, nor does it calm me down. It just takes me out of the picture.
OK, that's that.

 

Re: OK, I will go first.

Posted by vwoolf on October 14, 2004, at 15:10:12

In reply to OK, I will go first., posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 14:57:19

Thanks for starting this, PC. I come from a short line of alcoholics - my daddy and me. I'm still trying to decide where I fit in the world of alcohol abusers. I drink wine in the evenings, but I drink about a bottle a time. I've tried to stop but I can't do without it except on exceptionally good days. I feel really guilty about it. It doesn't make me feel good, just takes away that really awful feeling of despair I carry around all the time.

I hate the idea of being associated in this way with my father. He's the one who sexually abused me, you know, and who I have always believed I killed ( I know he fell when he was drunk and hit his head and died, but I wanted him to die so much that I thought I had done it).

Enough. Someone else's turn.

 

Re: OK, I will go first. » vwoolf

Posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 15:49:32

In reply to Re: OK, I will go first., posted by vwoolf on October 14, 2004, at 15:10:12

I started drinking when I was about 15, and, I have to say that at the time I thought it was the best thing to happen to me. I went from being the shy and almost wall-flowerish one among my boisterous friends to being outgoing and daring. I did not grow up in an alcoholic family. I don't even remember my parents drinking very much. My drinking was probably out of control right from the beginning. All I can remember is wanting more, more, more. For years I was happy and partied with the best of them. Then, one day, drinking wasn't fun anymore. I didn't feel as confident and outgoing when I was drinking. I woke up in the morning feeling drained and empty. I spent the last hour of my day at work deciding where I would stock up for the evening. I always made sure I didn't go to the same place twice in a week because, you know, I wouldn't have wanted anyone to think I had a drinking problem! However, I knew I had a problem, and was sure others could see it as well. So, I was starting to isolate myself, avoiding social situations so that I could sit home and drink alone at night and on the weekends, hiding booze, etc. When I was out for dinner or at an early function, I would limit how much I drank, but would make sure I left in time to make it to the store to pick up my supply. Then I started suffering from anxiety. So, I decided to give my body a break. I convinced myself that I wasn't an alcoholic, but was drinking a bit too much. I mean, I had a full-time job, never missed a day of work, never called in sick, worked long hours, blah, blah, blah. Went on the wagon for three months - just long enough to convince myself that I could control my drinking. No way did I have a problem. After my first "break", I was back to drinking every night and all weekend (but never before noon because that would mean that I was an alcoholic!). Two more "breaks" and I hit what I considered my bottom. I was depressed, having anxiety attacks and generally just hating myself and my life. The anxiety and depression were so bad that I had to take sick leave from work. I would pray each night for a heart attack so something to put me out of my misery. I finally admitted to myself and later to a couple of close friends that I was indeed an alcoholic. It was a frightening admission, and one that I didn't particularly like. But, the truth hurts. That was 8 1/2 years ago, and I haven't had a drink since. It hasn't always been easy. There are times when I am out for dinner or at a party and think to myself that I could have a drink or two and it wouldn't hurt. Then this nagging little voice in my head pipes up and reminds me of what a misery the last four years of my drinking career were like. I don't want to go back there, but there are times when I wish I could just drink like a normal person just to relax and let loose once in a while. Anyways, that's it for me. Sorry this was so long. Thanks.

Tamara

 

I am glad I started this thread

Posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 16:32:27

In reply to Re: OK, I will go first. » vwoolf, posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 15:49:32

It definitely helps to make me feel less alone and like a freak with no self control. There are so many theories out there - is it a disease? - is it made worse by ADs? - is there a genetic marker? - and I know that by sharing with each other, we are all benefiting.
((((Babble-Substance))))

 

Okay, here goes

Posted by AdaGrace on October 14, 2004, at 17:05:37

In reply to Supporting each other in this forum, posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 7:18:58

Okay, since I am so full of myself and my sorrows these days, and can't seem to shut up, I guess I will go next.

In my somewhat wild youth, I drank and drank to excess. Only on the weekends, and only until I felt good.

When I met my husband, he was and still is a tee-totaler, so I didn't drink.

Occasionally at holidays, I would have a glass, nothing more.

When my mother died a few years ago, I had to lean very heavily on my family, because my husband was no support at all. Most of my family are drinkers. (Drinkin' Catholics that is) It was easier to loosen up and talk with them with a few drinks since we had really essentially been estranged for years. This I blame on my husband, but really I allowed it didn't I?

My husband started finding it at home and became furious. Began dumping it. Began leaving me hateful horrid notes about it in my car or purse.

I started hiding it.

He would find it, same results. He would count my drinks anywhere we went.

Over the past few years he has losened up some on it, says he doesn't care. Funny thing is, where we have been somewhere and I have been drinking, he always makes me drive home (I usually drive anywhere we go). It's almost as if he wants me to get caught. Because I don't want him to know I am plastered, I drive anyway.

I drink every night. Every weekend.

Wine, only wine. I used to think that was better. I don't drink the hard stuff. Must be better huh?

Never used to start on the weekend before 5, then it was 3, then it was noon....now it's right after I have my last cup of coffee at around 10 or sometimes 9.

I don't want to quit. I don't want to feel what I am afraid to feel without it.

I can't stand to be around anyone at home without it. Am I a mean drunk? Not sure. Some would say yes, especially my husband. I tend to think I am a happy drunk. Feel much more secure with myself when I am drinking.

I can't be around anyone drinking without drinking myself. I slur my words sometimes. I spill my drink on people and myself. I step on their feet, but we all laugh about it. It's really not funny though is it.

The man I had an affair with was and probably still is an alcoholic. Partners in crime they say. Misery loves company. We fed off each others problems, and consoled ourselves, justified ourselves. He has seisures when he quits. He loves me more when he drinks and doesn't think clearly. He loves me, he loves me not. I sometimes think the whole thing was a dream I made up in some drunken stupor. Sometimes I dream about huge rats after a binge, sometimes I dream about him. Sometimes I wake up and can't remember how I got in bed.

Depression, yes depression. If alcohol causes depression, why do I feel better after a few drinks.

Talk about planning when I can do it, where I buy it. I'm there also. Never go to the same store twice in one week. Can't wait until 5 so I can go home and glug down that first drink and then another. Never go to an in-law family event without having a few, since I can't stand them. Always get home a little earlier than everyone else so I can have those two drinks before I have to face the music. Face the people that make me miserable.

Today I plan to go take my dad supper. I have just enough time to get home and drink a few before I leave, and then I will of course fill up my coffee thermos with it and take it with me. Sometimes there is some in his fridge left from sisters. I drink that too. We all drink it. We all drink. Drinking is what we do, and seems to be what we are. Am I afraid of consequences? Sure, but does it stop me? no.

Well, that's all I can share for right now.

There's humor here, I see it. I'm a happy drunk, I'm a sarcastic drunk. I'm sarcastic sober. Some would say angry, some would say negative, I like to refer to myself as sarcastic.

AdaGrace..........Sarcastic Drunk

 

Re: Okay, here goes » AdaGrace

Posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 17:11:09

In reply to Okay, here goes, posted by AdaGrace on October 14, 2004, at 17:05:37

AdaGrace - I think it was really important for you to share this. It actually makes your threads on Relationships fall into place. No one can say if you have a problem, but I hide my drinking from my husband (closet, replacing what I've used from the liquor cabinet), and I have "fessed up" to him, which was the hardest thing I have done yet in our marriage. It's very difficult for him to understand, but bless his heart, he is tolerant. He accepts I have a problem.
You've been very brave to come here, and I salute you.

 

Re: Okay, here goes » AdaGrace

Posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 17:24:24

In reply to Okay, here goes, posted by AdaGrace on October 14, 2004, at 17:05:37

AdaGrace,

When I first tried to control my drinking, I gave up the Jack Daniels and relied soley on beer and wine thinking that it wasn't as hard and wouldn't be bad for me. I guess anything in moderation will not be bad for you. My problem always was that moderation was not a word that existed in my vocabulary when it came to drinking. Oh well, maybe in my next life I will be able to be a social drinker.

Tamara

> Okay, since I am so full of myself and my sorrows these days, and can't seem to shut up, I guess I will go next.
>
> In my somewhat wild youth, I drank and drank to excess. Only on the weekends, and only until I felt good.
>
> When I met my husband, he was and still is a tee-totaler, so I didn't drink.
>
> Occasionally at holidays, I would have a glass, nothing more.
>
> When my mother died a few years ago, I had to lean very heavily on my family, because my husband was no support at all. Most of my family are drinkers. (Drinkin' Catholics that is) It was easier to loosen up and talk with them with a few drinks since we had really essentially been estranged for years. This I blame on my husband, but really I allowed it didn't I?
>
> My husband started finding it at home and became furious. Began dumping it. Began leaving me hateful horrid notes about it in my car or purse.
>
> I started hiding it.
>
> He would find it, same results. He would count my drinks anywhere we went.
>
> Over the past few years he has losened up some on it, says he doesn't care. Funny thing is, where we have been somewhere and I have been drinking, he always makes me drive home (I usually drive anywhere we go). It's almost as if he wants me to get caught. Because I don't want him to know I am plastered, I drive anyway.
>
> I drink every night. Every weekend.
>
> Wine, only wine. I used to think that was better. I don't drink the hard stuff. Must be better huh?
>
> Never used to start on the weekend before 5, then it was 3, then it was noon....now it's right after I have my last cup of coffee at around 10 or sometimes 9.
>
> I don't want to quit. I don't want to feel what I am afraid to feel without it.
>
> I can't stand to be around anyone at home without it. Am I a mean drunk? Not sure. Some would say yes, especially my husband. I tend to think I am a happy drunk. Feel much more secure with myself when I am drinking.
>
> I can't be around anyone drinking without drinking myself. I slur my words sometimes. I spill my drink on people and myself. I step on their feet, but we all laugh about it. It's really not funny though is it.
>
> The man I had an affair with was and probably still is an alcoholic. Partners in crime they say. Misery loves company. We fed off each others problems, and consoled ourselves, justified ourselves. He has seisures when he quits. He loves me more when he drinks and doesn't think clearly. He loves me, he loves me not. I sometimes think the whole thing was a dream I made up in some drunken stupor. Sometimes I dream about huge rats after a binge, sometimes I dream about him. Sometimes I wake up and can't remember how I got in bed.
>
> Depression, yes depression. If alcohol causes depression, why do I feel better after a few drinks.
>
> Talk about planning when I can do it, where I buy it. I'm there also. Never go to the same store twice in one week. Can't wait until 5 so I can go home and glug down that first drink and then another. Never go to an in-law family event without having a few, since I can't stand them. Always get home a little earlier than everyone else so I can have those two drinks before I have to face the music. Face the people that make me miserable.
>
> Today I plan to go take my dad supper. I have just enough time to get home and drink a few before I leave, and then I will of course fill up my coffee thermos with it and take it with me. Sometimes there is some in his fridge left from sisters. I drink that too. We all drink it. We all drink. Drinking is what we do, and seems to be what we are. Am I afraid of consequences? Sure, but does it stop me? no.
>
> Well, that's all I can share for right now.
>
> There's humor here, I see it. I'm a happy drunk, I'm a sarcastic drunk. I'm sarcastic sober. Some would say angry, some would say negative, I like to refer to myself as sarcastic.
>
> AdaGrace..........Sarcastic Drunk

 

Re: Okay, here goes

Posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 17:27:17

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes » AdaGrace, posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 17:24:24

MY DREAM IS TO BE A SOCIAL DRINKER!!!

 

Re: Okay, here goes » jujube

Posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 17:36:01

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes » AdaGrace, posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 17:24:24

AdaGrace,

I wanted to add to my previous thread and just say that I think you are very strong to have stayed in a relationship that seems to cause you some amount of grief. I am sorry your husband is not more understanding and supportive. Keep posting AdaGrace. It seems to me that this is a place where people do not judge, are not intolerant and are willing to offer support. It's a good place to be.

Tamara

> AdaGrace,
>
> When I first tried to control my drinking, I gave up the Jack Daniels and relied soley on beer and wine thinking that it wasn't as hard and wouldn't be bad for me. I guess anything in moderation will not be bad for you. My problem always was that moderation was not a word that existed in my vocabulary when it came to drinking. Oh well, maybe in my next life I will be able to be a social drinker.
>
> Tamara
>
> > Okay, since I am so full of myself and my sorrows these days, and can't seem to shut up, I guess I will go next.
> >
> > In my somewhat wild youth, I drank and drank to excess. Only on the weekends, and only until I felt good.
> >
> > When I met my husband, he was and still is a tee-totaler, so I didn't drink.
> >
> > Occasionally at holidays, I would have a glass, nothing more.
> >
> > When my mother died a few years ago, I had to lean very heavily on my family, because my husband was no support at all. Most of my family are drinkers. (Drinkin' Catholics that is) It was easier to loosen up and talk with them with a few drinks since we had really essentially been estranged for years. This I blame on my husband, but really I allowed it didn't I?
> >
> > My husband started finding it at home and became furious. Began dumping it. Began leaving me hateful horrid notes about it in my car or purse.
> >
> > I started hiding it.
> >
> > He would find it, same results. He would count my drinks anywhere we went.
> >
> > Over the past few years he has losened up some on it, says he doesn't care. Funny thing is, where we have been somewhere and I have been drinking, he always makes me drive home (I usually drive anywhere we go). It's almost as if he wants me to get caught. Because I don't want him to know I am plastered, I drive anyway.
> >
> > I drink every night. Every weekend.
> >
> > Wine, only wine. I used to think that was better. I don't drink the hard stuff. Must be better huh?
> >
> > Never used to start on the weekend before 5, then it was 3, then it was noon....now it's right after I have my last cup of coffee at around 10 or sometimes 9.
> >
> > I don't want to quit. I don't want to feel what I am afraid to feel without it.
> >
> > I can't stand to be around anyone at home without it. Am I a mean drunk? Not sure. Some would say yes, especially my husband. I tend to think I am a happy drunk. Feel much more secure with myself when I am drinking.
> >
> > I can't be around anyone drinking without drinking myself. I slur my words sometimes. I spill my drink on people and myself. I step on their feet, but we all laugh about it. It's really not funny though is it.
> >
> > The man I had an affair with was and probably still is an alcoholic. Partners in crime they say. Misery loves company. We fed off each others problems, and consoled ourselves, justified ourselves. He has seisures when he quits. He loves me more when he drinks and doesn't think clearly. He loves me, he loves me not. I sometimes think the whole thing was a dream I made up in some drunken stupor. Sometimes I dream about huge rats after a binge, sometimes I dream about him. Sometimes I wake up and can't remember how I got in bed.
> >
> > Depression, yes depression. If alcohol causes depression, why do I feel better after a few drinks.
> >
> > Talk about planning when I can do it, where I buy it. I'm there also. Never go to the same store twice in one week. Can't wait until 5 so I can go home and glug down that first drink and then another. Never go to an in-law family event without having a few, since I can't stand them. Always get home a little earlier than everyone else so I can have those two drinks before I have to face the music. Face the people that make me miserable.
> >
> > Today I plan to go take my dad supper. I have just enough time to get home and drink a few before I leave, and then I will of course fill up my coffee thermos with it and take it with me. Sometimes there is some in his fridge left from sisters. I drink that too. We all drink it. We all drink. Drinking is what we do, and seems to be what we are. Am I afraid of consequences? Sure, but does it stop me? no.
> >
> > Well, that's all I can share for right now.
> >
> > There's humor here, I see it. I'm a happy drunk, I'm a sarcastic drunk. I'm sarcastic sober. Some would say angry, some would say negative, I like to refer to myself as sarcastic.
> >
> > AdaGrace..........Sarcastic Drunk
>
>

 

Re: Supporting each other in this forum

Posted by AdaGrace on October 14, 2004, at 22:00:28

In reply to Re: Supporting each other in this forum » partlycloudy, posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 13:13:25

Now that I've had a few in me, and have read my previous post, I really am sick to my stomach. Did I write that? And I was sober then wasn't I. I don't feel proud to have said what I said, even though it was the truth. I just feel sad. Sad that the only thing in my life now that gives me some peace of mind is anti-depressants and alcohol.

Okay, there another song there.......Billy Squire

and Dr. Bob......here we goooooo with the double double trouble qoutes.....

"Everybody Wants You" by Billy Squire.

"You feel important, you're on top of it all. You fill your ........(not sure of the word here) with lonelyness and alcohol........."

Somebody save me....I think I'm drowning.....

That's not Billy, that's me....

Okay, frick the double double,,,,,,,Amazooon cannot find Billy.......must mean I am really obscure.....

 

Re: Okay, here goes

Posted by TexasChic on October 14, 2004, at 22:01:23

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes » jujube, posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 17:36:01

I don't guess I consider myself an alcholic, but I do have a big problem with self control. When I do drink, its to excess. In the past year I experienced blackouts for the first time. People would tell me things I said that I couldn't for the life of me remember. There were times I didn't remember driving home or anything else past a certain time of night. The funny thing is I really don't like drinking that much. I rarely do it alone. But when I'm out partying with people, I have no limits.

What I do like to do alone is smoke pot. When I have it, I can't not smoke it. If I want to watch a movie, clean the house, go to the store - hey, its all more fun stoned. When I'm smoking, I feel like I'm going crazy if I run out.

Recently I hit rock bottom: lost my job, put myself in severe financial debt (there's that self control thing again), lost all my friends, and just basically felt like I was losing my mind. Since I don't really drink alone, and I had to stop the pot because of pre-employment testing, I suddenly had no choice but to become sober and face what my life had become. Its been enlightening to say the least. For one thing, I now know I won't go insane if I have to spend time alone with just my own company while sober. In fact, I've learned to relish my time alone. I can't believe how good I feel just to be living life sober and enjoying it. I just don't know how to hold on to this new found strength and enlightenment. I'm afraid as soon as I let my guard down, I'll be back in the same spot. I know the self control problem hasn't gone away, I've been replacing alcohol and pot with binge eating. My apartment is a pig stye and I can't seem to get myself to clean it up. So I know I'm just replacing certain things with slightly less harmful things.

Anyway I don't know where I'm going with this, but I thought I would try to share.

 

Laughing my Bum off at the link I created

Posted by AdaGrace on October 14, 2004, at 22:12:18

In reply to Re: Supporting each other in this forum, posted by AdaGrace on October 14, 2004, at 22:00:28

Billy Squire's "Everybody Wants You" has been linked by Amazon to books titled...."what's going on down there", and other such silly thangs.....

How very uncool for Billy.....I used to want him so.......okay....off to my movie......la la la la la

 

My turn

Posted by saw on October 15, 2004, at 2:54:43

In reply to Laughing my Bum off at the link I created, posted by AdaGrace on October 14, 2004, at 22:12:18

That whole time difference thing. When you guys were all posting, It was night time for me and I was um ... getting drunk.

This is a lovely thread. Please don't let me kill it. I seem to do that a lot.

I have been posting here for awhile and I truly appreciate all the support and understanding I have received.

<I don't want to quit. I don't want to feel what I am afraid to feel without it.> AdaGrace - well, girl, you said it. We have very much in common.

My Mom is an alcoholic. I love my Mom very much and she is a true friend to me but I do remember feeling as a little girl, that I would never drink like her. Well, it appears I am now far worse than her.

My happy demon is wine, must be dry. I buy the low alcohol, low calorie wine. And I expect that I drink waaay more than a bottle a night. I don't drink during the day (exclude weekends if you please). Oh, and exclude that one time I came to work drunk and posted *that* all over the boards.

As for not remembering.... I'm fast becoming quite professional. I don't appear to be drunk (apparantly) but I almost never remember going to bed anymore. It's only because I can *feel* it the next morning that I know my husband and I made love. When he says to me that it was so great, I'm thinking "what was?"

We have had plenty conversations that are just lost on me.

OK, I've got lots more to say but nothing that the rest of you haven't said already.

I have another addiction. I don't have the courage to share it yet.

Sabrina

 

Re: My turn

Posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 4:10:19

In reply to My turn, posted by saw on October 15, 2004, at 2:54:43

Hi Sabrina, I also live in the good old Z of A but I usually just write at night when others are around - after a glass or two (or three or four) of that famous low calorie, low alcohol wine. I didn't know anybody else was into the stuff. If you ever desperately want to talk I sometimes check in during the day between meetings.

 

Re: My turn (nm)

Posted by saw on October 15, 2004, at 4:42:44

In reply to Re: My turn, posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 4:10:19

 

Re: My turn » vwoolf

Posted by saw on October 15, 2004, at 5:10:09

In reply to Re: My turn, posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 4:10:19

Don't ask me what I did with the above message!!

I had actually posted:

That's great. Will be looking at getting the internet at home in the new year.

Whereabouts in Z of A? May I ask?

Sabrina

 

Re: My turn » saw

Posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 7:06:38

In reply to Re: My turn » vwoolf, posted by saw on October 15, 2004, at 5:10:09

Cape Town - Southern Suburbs. And you?

 

Re: My turn » vwoolf

Posted by saw on October 15, 2004, at 7:09:08

In reply to Re: My turn » saw, posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 7:06:38

You're not my aunt are you? I'm in Port Elizabeth

Sabrina

 

Re: My turn

Posted by vwoolf on October 15, 2004, at 7:32:59

In reply to Re: My turn » vwoolf, posted by saw on October 15, 2004, at 7:09:08

Nope, definitely not your aunt. And I don't have any relatives or friends in PE, so don't worry.

Btw, I believe that SAf has one of the highest rates of mental illness in the world. Heritage of the past, they say. And Cape Town has the highest rate of Foetal Alchohol Syndrome. I definitely think the social situation contibutes to feelings of alienation. It has for me at any rate. I have spent most of my life in Europe, and while I was there I had no problems (or at least very few). I came back here after the '94 elections and within a couple of years I was right back where I started. I'm determined to get to the root of my problems this time, but it is very hard.

Nice to know that there is someone who is not so far away.

 

The grief is it in a nutshell » jujube

Posted by AdaGrace on October 15, 2004, at 9:42:48

In reply to Re: Okay, here goes » jujube, posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 17:36:01

Actually, eventhough I blame myself for everything, deep down, I know that if he were better to me, I would be better to myself and feel better about myself.


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