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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by adamie on August 15, 2001, at 19:25:27
hi everyone. after stopping taking effexor my mood has improved. the med was making me so much worse. 'that' is a bit improved but one thing really bothers me now that I am slightly more able to 'feel' things.My fiance lives in Romania and me and her have talked almost every single day over the internet since we met 7 months ago. Only rarely would there be an occasion where we wouldn't see eachother. like one day the power would be out or some other thingie.
but recently she has been moving around from romania to austria and things due to getting a job. For 2 days we didn't see eachother. This happened maybe a few weeks ago. But recently I think I have not heard from her at all in 8 or 9 days! I am scared and worried that maybe something happened to her. she is perfect and everything was perfect (before the depression). She didn't say she would be gone from the internet. I dunno what has happened :-. She's probably okay but it just scares me and I cry a lot missing her. Nothing like this has ever happened before. I just recently have been given permission from my mom to make a long distance call so I will call her home tonight. She is probably in Austria still or somewhere else but perhaps whoever is left there can tell me she is okay. It just scares me so much. :*. Of course I dont know Romanian so I will try to just say "Is Dana okay?" hoping whoever picks up understands basic english. I HOPE she is okay. She is completely perfect and I honestly could never want any tiny change in her ever. She is beyond perfect and life was going to be so perfect but of course the depression hit. she was understanding and had optimism that I would recover and I should deffinetly in time but I just wish she was here with me. At least over the internet. I wish I knew she was okay. Probably just power down or wherever she is the internet is not avialable. It just scares me. well take care everyone.
Posted by Willow on August 15, 2001, at 23:57:56
In reply to missing fiance, posted by adamie on August 15, 2001, at 19:25:27
Glad to hear that you are starting to improve.
Power and access may be issues she is having to deal with.
oh if i could go back to being 18 again, i would go slower in the love department. I always tell friends now that a relationship needs at three years to see how it will develop. But i guess you don't understand my ramblings?
Glad you have your mom there to help out. How about other friends?
Willow
Posted by adamie on August 16, 2001, at 15:56:18
In reply to Re: missing fiance, posted by Willow on August 15, 2001, at 23:57:56
> Glad to hear that you are starting to improve.
>
> Power and access may be issues she is having to deal with.
>
> oh if i could go back to being 18 again, i would go slower in the love department. I always tell friends now that a relationship needs at three years to see how it will develop. But i guess you don't understand my ramblings?we're not like other 'young' people. nor like most adults who hardly even know what a loving relationship is about. Our relationship has always been perfect. it's been impossible for us to so much as even get into one arguement and all that has mattered was spending every single moment together.
> Glad you have your mom there to help out. How about other friends?
>
> Willowi dont have other friends. nor do i need any. me and my fiance just need eachother. when i recover everything will be perfect again. so i'll just have to wait it out.
and regarding 3 years to develop... that is all dependent on the people. If you got two typical average people who lie, are selish, not open and honest, ect etc then of course it could take a while to know anything about eachother. That is not the case with us. In 1 month we knew more about eachother than most couples do in several years.
Posted by Willow on August 16, 2001, at 16:44:19
In reply to Re: missing fiance » Willow, posted by adamie on August 16, 2001, at 15:56:18
> > Glad to hear that you are starting to improve.
> >
> > Power and access may be issues she is having to deal with.
> >
> > oh if i could go back to being 18 again, i would go slower in the love department. I always tell friends now that a relationship needs at three years to see how it will develop. But i guess you don't understand my ramblings?
>
> we're not like other 'young' people. nor like most adults who hardly even know what a loving relationship is about. Our relationship has always been perfect. it's been impossible for us to so much as even get into one arguement and all that has mattered was spending every single moment together.
>
> > Glad you have your mom there to help out. How about other friends?
> >
> > Willow
>
> i dont have other friends. nor do i need any. me and my fiance just need eachother. when i recover everything will be perfect again. so i'll just have to wait it out.
>
> and regarding 3 years to develop... that is all dependent on the people. If you got two typical average people who lie, are selish, not open and honest, ect etc then of course it could take a while to know anything about eachother. That is not the case with us. In 1 month we knew more about eachother than most couples do in several years.
Posted by dreamer on August 16, 2001, at 16:48:36
In reply to Someone help me out! (np), posted by Willow on August 16, 2001, at 16:44:19
> > > Glad to hear that you are starting to improve.
> > >
> > > Power and access may be issues she is having to deal with.
> > >
> > > oh if i could go back to being 18 again, i would go slower in the love department. I always tell friends now that a relationship needs at three years to see how it will develop. But i guess you don't understand my ramblings?
> >
> > we're not like other 'young' people. nor like most adults who hardly even know what a loving relationship is about. Our relationship has always been perfect. it's been impossible for us to so much as even get into one arguement and all that has mattered was spending every single moment together.
> >
> > > Glad you have your mom there to help out. How about other friends?
> > >
> > > Willow
> >
> > i dont have other friends. nor do i need any. me and my fiance just need eachother. when i recover everything will be perfect again. so i'll just have to wait it out.
> >
> > and regarding 3 years to develop... that is all dependent on the people. If you got two typical average people who lie, are selish, not open and honest, ect etc then of course it could take a while to know anything about eachother. That is not the case with us. In 1 month we knew more about eachother than most couples do in several years.
Posted by sar on August 16, 2001, at 16:59:28
In reply to missing fiance, posted by adamie on August 15, 2001, at 19:25:27
dear adamie,
your messages concern me. you don't need any more friends because of your fiancee? sounds like putting all of yr eggs in one basket to me. that doesn't sound very helpful. who will you hang out when you need time away from her (and, i guarantee, if you marry, you will, no matter how much you are in love). who will you discuss your marital problems with?
it sounds as if you love her very much, and i respect that. to put so much stock into one person, though...i work in a bookstore and one of our bestsellers is a book on co-dependency. this seems like a problem many people have. it can be very destructive.
depression is a terrible mindframe/illness. it has great capability of destroying relationships, careers, credibility, etc. i am only 23 (there are some wiser elders on this board) but this is what i figure: PERSONAL STRENGTH. get it together man, with the help of doctors or whatever. you need more than your fiancee. your relationship may be unique...but whose isn't?
sar
Posted by Willow on August 16, 2001, at 19:56:55
In reply to Re: missing fiance » adamie, posted by sar on August 16, 2001, at 16:59:28
> dear adamie,
>
> your messages concern me. you don't need any more friends because of your fiancee? sounds like putting all of yr eggs in one basket to me. that doesn't sound very helpful. who will you hang out when you need time away from her (and, i guarantee, if you marry, you will, no matter how much you are in love). who will you discuss your marital problems with?
>
> it sounds as if you love her very much, and i respect that. to put so much stock into one person, though...i work in a bookstore and one of our bestsellers is a book on co-dependency. this seems like a problem many people have. it can be very destructive.
>
> depression is a terrible mindframe/illness. it has great capability of destroying relationships, careers, credibility, etc. i am only 23 (there are some wiser elders on this board) but this is what i figure: PERSONAL STRENGTH. get it together man, with the help of doctors or whatever. you need more than your fiancee. your relationship may be unique...but whose isn't?
>
> sar
Posted by adamie on August 16, 2001, at 20:55:56
In reply to Re: missing fiance » adamie, posted by sar on August 16, 2001, at 16:59:28
> dear adamie,
>
> your messages concern me. you don't need any more friends because of your fiancee? sounds like putting all of yr eggs in one basket to me. that doesn't sound very helpful. who will you hang out when you need time away from her (and, i guarantee, if you marry, you will, no matter how much you are in love). who will you discuss your marital problems with?that is nonsense. that is the case with typical people but not us. Before the depression everything was perfect and it still in the sense that nothing has changed between us. And what do you know about love? Putting all eggs in one basic is a risk? Relationships shouldn't be a game but I guess to you they are. Is all you care about is how everything goes for you and not your significant other?
And no we would never take any time away from eachother. that is disgusting.
And discuss marital problems? Gossip about my fiance? Such things are all common for typical people but not for us. If we were to so much as get into one arguement there would be clearly something wrong. we are perfect for eachother and such things could never happen. and everything will be like it has been when I recover.
> it sounds as if you love her very much, and i respect that. to put so much stock into one person, though...i work in a bookstore and one of our bestsellers is a book on co-dependency. this seems like a problem many people have. it can be very destructive.we know everything about eachother and there is no doubt between us so there are no worries.
> depression is a terrible mindframe/illness. it has great capability of destroying relationships, careers, credibility, etc.that happens because the other person doesn't fully understand the ilness their loved one is going through. And also depression itself makes it harder to show love towards someone. but my fiance is understanding. she knows I will be better in time. And even if I wouldn't be there is no doubt for her that she would always want to be with me. Ever heard of through sickness and in health? people simply dont take marriage seriously.
> i am only 23 (there are some wiser elders on this board) but this is what i figure: PERSONAL STRENGTH. get it together man, with the help of doctors or whatever. you need more than your fiancee. your relationship may be unique...but whose isn't?
>
> sarOne who is trully depressed cannot just get it together. would getting it together cure one's cancer? I have been going through quite a bit of mind torture.
and regarding my ilness of course I need more than my fiance. but that is different. of course being with her wouldn't restore the chemicals in my brain but at least I would be safer. well bye.
Posted by sar on August 16, 2001, at 23:43:14
In reply to Re: missing fiance » sar, posted by adamie on August 16, 2001, at 20:55:56
>
> that is nonsense. that is the case with typical people but not us. Before the depression everything was perfect and it still in the sense that nothing has changed between us. And what do you know about love? Putting all eggs in one basic is a risk? Relationships shouldn't be a game but I guess to you they are. Is all you care about is how everything goes for you and not your significant other?
it's your relationship and of course i don't know you, nor you, me. i didn't mean to imply that relationships are a game. i don't believe that at all. of course i've cared deeply for my significant others. i was with my last boyfriend for nearly 3 years. we were so good for each other that neither of us really took the time to maintain our other friendships. when we broke up, we both fell into horrible, lonely depressions. since this woman is your fiance, you will probably go on to marry her and i hope that everything goes fine, but just on the off-chance...> And no we would never take any time away from eachother. that is disgusting.
will you be able to work, or will you both be sharing an office at home?
>
> And discuss marital problems? Gossip about my fiance? Such things are all common for typical people but not for us. If we were to so much as get into one arguement there would be clearly something wrong. we are perfect for eachother and such things could never happen. and everything will be like it has been when I recover.i didn't mean you ought to gossip about your fiance. but say like, it's her birthday, and you can't decide whether to get her the diamond bracelet or the BMW. a friend could help you out.
> we know everything about eachother and there is no doubt between us so there are no worries.
that's good. how long have you been together? i am envious of all of your insight. i often feel like i don't even know myself very well.
> > depression is a terrible mindframe/illness. it has great capability of destroying relationships, careers, credibility, etc.
>
> that happens because the other person doesn't fully understand the ilness their loved one is going through. And also depression itself makes it harder to show love towards someone. but my fiance is understanding. she knows I will be better in time. And even if I wouldn't be there is no doubt for her that she would always want to be with me. Ever heard of through sickness and in health? people simply dont take marriage seriously.you're right.
> > i am only 23 (there are some wiser elders on this board) but this is what i figure: PERSONAL STRENGTH. get it together man, with the help of doctors or whatever. you need more than your fiancee. your relationship may be unique...but whose isn't?
> >
> > sar
>
> One who is trully depressed cannot just get it together. would getting it together cure one's cancer? I have been going through quite a bit of mind torture.i'm sorry, i didn't mean to use the "pull yourself up by your bootsraps/get off the pity pot" take. i too suffer from major depression and quite a bit of mind torture. i have been hospitalized, on meds, etc...i just meant it sounds like you're so dependent on her that that could actually contribute to your depression over time...
> and regarding my ilness of course I need more than my fiance. but that is different. of course being with her wouldn't restore the chemicals in my brain but at least I would be safer. well bye.
i hope that it all works out.
sar
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