![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by littleone on April 14, 2007, at 22:03:56
On Friday my T and I talked about stories.
I had read a section out of "101 Healing Stories for Kids & Teens" by George W Burns that really upset me.
It talks about how we share stories with each other every day - when someone asks us how we are or what we did on the weekend. So much "small talk" is this sharing of stories. And it is all such an important part of life. Sharing and expressing our experiences and emotions enriches our everyday lives.
It made it sound like the sharing of our stories is what makes life worth living.
This upset me terribly. I hate small talk. I hate sharing stories. I don't care about other people's stories. I have never understood small talk. I have never understood the need people have to tell each other their junky stuff. It always seems like a waste of time to me. I only become interested if something deep is delved into.
I've talked about this with my T before about why superficial talk is important (eg to gradually build up relationships and trust, etc). But even then it still seemed like something to be worked at. A chore to do so you could get to the more interesting stuff.
But this book... it really made it sound like people *enjoy* this sort of sharing. It enhances their lives. It is rich and rewarding in itself, not just a stepping stone to the riches.
Is it any wonder I fail with people. I fail at life.
And then of course there are the deeper stories. I'm not necessarily talking about abuse stories here - more stories that are close to your heart and important to your self.
I don't have much of a life. A very big chunk of my day to day life is taken up with therapy, working on therapy issues and working with my parts. Not the sort of stories you can discuss with most people you know. And for me, the "close" people I should be able to tell my deeper stories to (ie my family) are unable or unwilling to hear my stories.
I have been un-heard my whole life by them. Is it any wonder I stopped telling my stories long ago.
And it's not just that I've been un-heard. Wanting to tell my stories invokes a very bad girl feeling in me. More exploration is required here.
I don't have a "support network". There's my T, there's me and occasionally there's babble. That's it. My T talked about how one of babble's big strengths is how it's a place to share our important stories.
So I wanted to tell that story to babble.
And my little dinosaur is listening in too. He's stayed in my T's office a lot since I got him. He used to hide there and spy on my T to see what he's really like. Now we're okay with our T and the dinosaur just likes to hide there cause it's safe. He's a paper-a-vore, so he nibbles on my T's books when he's hungry. He has come home with me this weekend so we can go to a special place together. He will keep me company and talk to me. He can roar at nasty people, but he's only a baby dinosaur so his roars are really little and quiet.
Posted by muffled on April 15, 2007, at 0:05:06
In reply to Stories, posted by littleone on April 14, 2007, at 22:03:56
> It talks about how we share stories with each other every day - when someone asks us how we are or what we did on the weekend. So much "small talk" is this sharing of stories. And it is all such an important part of life. Sharing and expressing our experiences and emotions enriches our everyday lives.
**yeah, I not so good at this. My T says how are you, I say, fine. My T say, how was your week, I say, fine.
>
> It made it sound like the sharing of our stories is what makes life worth living.**I think maybe we can LEARN from stories. Like not to make same mistakes and stuff. It kinda gives you clues to the person when they talk, not just words but body language and tone, and eyes.
>
> This upset me terribly. I hate small talk. I hate sharing stories. I don't care about other people's stories. I have never understood small talk. I have never understood the need people have to tell each other their junky stuff. It always seems like a waste of time to me. I only become interested if something deep is delved into.**Sometimes it feels good to complain if you've had a bad day. And then they can say stuff, and sometimes it makes you feel a little better.
My T says others REFLECT ourselves. So its good to be around others if you feeling lost cuz the somehow refelct yourself off themselves and so it helps you find yourownself. Dunno if I explained that very good. But I not very good at small talk, don't like parties cuz of small talk. Just don't go.
>
> I've talked about this with my T before about why superficial talk is important (eg to gradually build up relationships and trust, etc). But even then it still seemed like something to be worked at. A chore to do so you could get to the more interesting stuff.**Sometimes, maybe lotsa times, people look at me funny cuz I say wrong things. Maybe I say stuff people don't normally say to people they don't really know. Cuz I not good at small talk. I like deep talk too. Tired of crap. Want to be real.
>
> But this book... it really made it sound like people *enjoy* this sort of sharing. It enhances their lives. It is rich and rewarding in itself, not just a stepping stone to the riches.**Sometimes talking with others makes me feel good. When I have been successful at making others feel good. Then I feel good too. When people smile at me cuz I been nice to them, it makes me feel good too.
>
> Is it any wonder I fail with people. I fail at life.**There is a place in this world for all. You goto find your place. Accept that you a little different than the great average of humanity. S'ok to be different. Makes the world better. Takes all diff people to make world work.
You sure helped me LOTS. So I not think you fail. You not fail with me.
>
> And then of course there are the deeper stories. I'm not necessarily talking about abuse stories here - more stories that are close to your heart and important to your self.**REAL stuff...
>
> I don't have much of a life. A very big chunk of my day to day life is taken up with therapy, working on therapy issues and working with my parts. Not the sort of stories you can discuss with most people you know. And for me, the "close" people I should be able to tell my deeper stories to (ie my family) are unable or unwilling to hear my stories.**Well you can post anytime here. Your posts help me lots. Only my T knows of my people, she knows a few bad things I done, but thats bout all. You could share some stories here, or on writing, if it would be helpful for you.
>
> I have been un-heard my whole life by them. Is it any wonder I stopped telling my stories long ago.*so sorry :( That is hurtful for you.
>
> And it's not just that I've been un-heard. Wanting to tell my stories invokes a very bad girl feeling in me. More exploration is required here.** :-(
>
> I don't have a "support network". There's my T, there's me and occasionally there's babble. That's it. My T talked about how one of babble's big strengths is how it's a place to share our important stories.**Dunno. Sorry you alone. Wish you could find safe people. There's safe people out there...
I have family and stuff, and I like them and they like me, but there is a wall that nobody passes.
>
> So I wanted to tell that story to babble.**Thank you for sharing your story. See, it helps me to hear your story. Now mebbe I understand you a bit more, now you mebbe understand me a bit more. And I was really upset a bit ago, and now I am not so much.
>
> And my little dinosaur is listening in too. He's stayed in my T's office a lot since I got him. He used to hide there and spy on my T to see what he's really like. Now we're okay with our T and the dinosaur just likes to hide there cause it's safe. He's a paper-a-vore, so he nibbles on my T's books when he's hungry. He has come home with me this weekend so we can go to a special place together. He will keep me company and talk to me. He can roar at nasty people, but he's only a baby dinosaur so his roars are really little and quiet.**OMG WAY COOL DINOSAUR!!!! He spied on T for you!!!!!! GOOD idea!! I'm glad he can go with you sometimes, I bet he likes to go with you sometimes. Thats good that you take him sometimes. I hope you have a good weekend, and give your dinosaur a puff on the nose for me, I think mebbe they like that.
Bye
Posted by bil on April 15, 2007, at 8:40:42
In reply to Stories, posted by littleone on April 14, 2007, at 22:03:56
I really liked your dinosaur story, LittleOne... especially the bit where he nibbles on your T's books- Lol!
You say in your post that most of your life is taken up with therapy- so I don't think you are failing at life... sounds like to me you are working very hard at succeeding at it.
Maybe get a nice journal and try writing your stories in it, just for you? You could decorate it with nice dinosaur stickers, meybe. :-D
Hope you and baby Dino have a good Sunday together
bil
Posted by scentedgarden on April 15, 2007, at 12:05:06
In reply to Stories, posted by littleone on April 14, 2007, at 22:03:56
HI Little one..
I love this post..!!!
Can relate to each part of it as if i could have written it myself..
I have stated to meet some people from internet but they are also people i dont know well enough to share what i do every day... which i alot like what you desscribed you do each day...
I can totally relate to the dinasaur as well.. i like all this post very much and im glad you shared it... !!!!!!!!!!!!sorry im a bit dazed today so may i ask what is that book you are talkling about called..?? sorry if i miissed an obvious thing but im just doing my best here... lol
many thanks for sharing!!!!!
respectfully and with kindness
Scentedgarden
Posted by scentedgarden on April 15, 2007, at 12:09:30
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by muffled on April 15, 2007, at 0:05:06
JUst to say dito to mostly all you said in this reply...and I hope you have a nice sunday all of you who read this... God bless mucho...! Sg Hugs
Posted by canadagirl on April 15, 2007, at 14:44:31
In reply to Stories, posted by littleone on April 14, 2007, at 22:03:56
I appreciated your post littleone and I'm glad you shared these feelings with us. You expressed yourself very well and sometimes it's hard to express things so well with our day to day stuff isn't it, unlike the deeper stuff.
Posted by littleone on April 15, 2007, at 20:48:00
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by muffled on April 15, 2007, at 0:05:06
>> It made it sound like the sharing of our stories is what makes life worth living.
>**I think maybe we can LEARN from stories. Like not to make same mistakes and stuff. It kinda gives you clues to the person when they talk, not just words but body language and tone, and eyes.
I think what you are saying is right. But it just seems to me that this book was suggesting there was a lot more than that. I know that sometimes I see/hear of people and they seem to get so much meaning out of their day to day interactions. Like that is what gives their life meaning – those daily interactions (both deep and superficial). That is what they live for.
But I really don’t understand that. I just can’t relate to it or comprehend it. It is so far out of my world. It seems like it should be a simple and straightforward idea for people with healthy relationships, but it just seems beyond me to understand and envisage (and feel).
>**Sometimes it feels good to complain if you’ve had a bad day. And then they can say stuff, and sometimes it makes you feel a little better.
Yeah, I can understand this. It’s part of the idea of expressing yourself and how this helps you inside to do so. And I can understand that sometimes people can give you another way of looking at things, or give you a pep talk or make you feel cared for, etc. I can understand the benefits in that stuff.
>**My T says other REFLECT ourselves.
I have heard/read about this before, but I really don’t understand it very well. Like with babies, I understand that they might smile and then the mother smiles back and they see that. But I don’t really understand how that is helping the baby (or our nowadays selves for that matter). You gave an example of being lost, but I don’t really understand this. Like say you feel lost and tell someone and that person has a lost look on their face, how does that help you? Wouldn’t it make you feel more helpless and adrift? I feel like I’m missing something important with this.
>**Sometimes, maybe lotsa times, people look at me funny cuz I say wrong things. Maybe I say stuff people don’ normally say to people they don’t really know.
Yeah, I get this a lot on the rare occasions I do talk. I just really don’t seem to have any concept around the building up a relationship idea. I’m so black and white, the relationship is either there or it isn’t. Logically I can understand the idea around gradually building trust, but I just have no idea how to tell if something is at the correct relationship level or not. Sometimes I say deeper things and you can immediately tell the other person thinks that was really inappropriate. Or I say things I’m thinking and you can tell they just think I’m strange and weird. Which really hurts. These are my inner thoughts/feelings and they screw up their face and back away. I guess there could be any number of feelings they are experiencing (repulsion, fear, rejection, disgust, caution, etc), but they all come down to one thing – those inner thoughts/feelings were not acceptable and are shameful and must be hidden away in future.
Sorry, it just makes me sad.
>**I like deep talk too. Tired of crap. Want to be real.
Exactly.
>**You goto find your place. Accept that you a little different than the great average of humanity.
I know you’re right. I think I can accept that I’m different to a lot of people, but I just can never seem to find the right place. I never feel like I belong. I’ve read in a number of places that the need to belong is a biggie. It’s way up there high on the hierarchy of needs. I cry when I read about the need to belong. It’s okay to be different, but you still need to fit in somewhere.
>> I have been un-heard my whole life by them. Is it any wonder I stopped telling my stories long ago.
>**so sorry :( That is hurtful for you.
Yeah. I think I told my T it felt heart wrenching to realise that. It hurt a lot. And it hurts to think about now. If telling stories (and presumably being heard) are so very important to life, how can I possibly keep a relationship going with my mum and dad? Knowing that they can never hear me. I’m not sure I understand what else there is to a relationship than telling and hearing each other’s stories.
>**Sorry you alone. Wish you could find safe people. There’s safe people out there…
Well, I found you. It’s actually really sadly ironic that I consider you one of the safe people in the world, but you consider yourself such a danger to others.
>**OMG WAY COOL DINOSAUR!!!! He spied on T for you!!!!!! GOOD idea!!
You made me smile. He is really cool. He’s even exactly the same colours as my T’s carpet, like he’s got special camouflage for my T’s office. It was hard to know whether to bring him in there in the first place. I knew I wanted to, but didn’t understand why. So we did it as an experiment and learnt that I wanted him there because the 10 year old didn’t trust our T. Which I felt bad about. But it really helped build that trust a fair bit just by leaving him there. Which I know is really dumb logically, but it really did help a lot.
I get so excited when I go into my T’s office and sit down on the floor and peak round to his hiding place and see him watching things from there. I get so excited inside. And if my T and I are talking about hard stuff and I have to say something hard, I tend to look round to him sitting there – like he gives me inside encouragement.
>**I hope you have a good weekend, and give your dinosaur a puff on the nose for me, I think mebbe they like that.
I loved this. I have no idea what a “puff” is, but I gave him a little peck on the nose for you. I hope that’s okay. And he was very happy about that. I think you were very right that they do like that. How did you learn so much about dinosaurs?
Posted by littleone on April 15, 2007, at 20:48:56
In reply to Re: Stories, posted by bil on April 15, 2007, at 8:40:42
Thank you for your kind words and for listening to my story. I was so touched to come in to babble this morning and see all these replies.
I felt real anxious about putting the bit about the dinosaur in there, but it really needed to be said. And it felt wrong to deny that part – like I would be telling it that it’s not acceptable. It’s funny having the dinosaur in my T’s office. The urge to play with it and do stuff with it is strong. And even while I feel those urges, I can see that they say very telling things about stuff I’m thinking/feeling. It would almost become a form of play therapy. Which draws me, but scares me. So far the urge to smother and hide stuff has been stronger than the urge to have my dinosaur gobble up my T’s notes or sit on his foot or roar at the other clients or whatever.
> You say in your post that most of your life is taken up with therapy – so I don’t think you are failing at life… sounds like to me you are working very hard at succeeding at it.
You are so right. Thank you for showing me that. The good thing about adversity is that it can really show up your strengths (eg courage, determination, persistence, endurance, fighting spirit, etc). And as long as those things are still pushing away and struggling forward, I haven’t failed. I am simply a work in progress, right?
I do have a journal to write in as well as a Comfort Book (I’ve put lots of stickers in there). They help a lot. I think it’s hard though because it feels dumb to tell your T your T stories. He already knows them. He already knows what he said and did. So it’s all those stories that I’m not able to tell. I know I could tell them on babble, but I often find babble very hard.
> Hope you and baby Dino have a good Sunday together
My T calls him Dino too! And we had a really good Sunday together thank you. It was a good day and he had fun at the special place. Although he is looking forward to hiding out in my T’s office again on Tuesday.
Posted by littleone on April 15, 2007, at 20:53:10
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by scentedgarden on April 15, 2007, at 12:05:06
Thank you for your kind words. The book was called "101 Healing Stories for Kids & Teens" by George W Burns. It is aimed at T’s and teaches them how to use stories and metaphors for helping others. It also has a lot of stories in there that are categorised so you can easily find suitable stories for specific situations. He has also written another book with stories aimed at adults.
Posted by littleone on April 15, 2007, at 20:54:37
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by canadagirl on April 15, 2007, at 14:44:31
Thank you for your thoughtful post canadagirl. It was really nice to see it there. I find that usually once I am able to express something, I can express it well. It’s just a matter of getting over that first hump. At least, I can in writing. Verbally I’m a vegetable.
> sometimes it’s hard to express things so well with our day to day stuff isn’t it, unlike the deeper stuff.
Sorry, I just wanted to understand what you meant here a bit better. Are you saying that you find it easier to express deeper stuff and struggle with talking about the day to day things? I just wanted to understand what you were saying exactly.
Posted by canadagirl on April 15, 2007, at 21:16:23
In reply to Re: Stories » canadagirl, posted by littleone on April 15, 2007, at 20:54:37
I wrote > sometimes it’s hard to express things so well with our day to day stuff isn’t it, unlike the deeper stuff.
you replied>>Sorry, I just wanted to understand what you meant here a bit better. Are you saying that you find it easier to express deeper stuff and struggle with talking about the day to day things? I just wanted to understand what you were saying exactly.<<
Yep, that's about it. I can talk somewhat about "superficial" things but sometimes it comes easier to talk about "deep" things. I'm not really one for water-cooler conversation and I can come across a bit antisocial sometimes in real life because of it.
Posted by littleone on April 15, 2007, at 21:25:33
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by canadagirl on April 15, 2007, at 21:16:23
Yeah, that makes sense. Thank you for explaining.
(And I think you're probably misunderstood rather than antisocial).
Posted by muffled on April 15, 2007, at 23:56:19
In reply to Re: Stories » muffled, posted by littleone on April 15, 2007, at 20:48:00
> I think what you are saying is right. But it just seems to me that this book was suggesting there was a lot more than that. I know that sometimes I see/hear of people and they seem to get so much meaning out of their day to day interactions. Like that is what gives their life meaning – those daily interactions (both deep and superficial). That is what they live for.
**My T is good about that. She says its not good to isolate, but that people all different. Some like lotsa friends, and some (like her and me both) have fewer close friends, but they close friends. So I guess that means you can talk 'real' to them.
I don't talk alot, or I didn't used to, I talk lots more now. But when my kids were babies, and even now, I take them to their aunty cuz she talks LOTS, and it was good for them to hear. I would sometimes realize I'd go HOURS w/o saying a whole lot to my babies. I was silent alot. I worked very hard at conciously stimulating my kids with interaction. But it wasn't natural, I had to remind myself to do it regularly.
I now actually often enjoy talking to other parents at the school these days. Not always, depends what mode I'm in.....
Though I dunno what they say when I am not around. Usu I am finding information bout stuff.
It feels good.
But I could certainly live w/o it too. But I would want a few friends to walk with and stuff...company.
I think partly why i didn't used to talk to others was cuz I felt I was a leper and was bad, so I stayed away. Figgered noone would care to hear what I had to say anyways.>**My T says other REFLECT ourselves.
> I have heard/read about this before, but I really don’t understand it very well. Like with babies, I understand that they might smile and then the mother smiles back and they see that. But I don’t really understand how that is helping the baby (or our nowadays selves for that matter). You gave an example of being lost, but I don’t really understand this. Like say you feel lost and tell someone and that person has a lost look on their face, how does that help you? Wouldn’t it make you feel more helpless and adrift? I feel like I’m missing something important with this.**well, part of why I worked so hard to talk to my babies, and interact with them, is cuz it helps them realize they not alone, and it reassures them, and stimulates them to use their brain.
Sometimes I lost, and I will visit my sister, and we don't ever talk deep stuff, but just being around her familiarity is good. The world has some sameness. Mebbe I all over, but she is same. She is used to me, she is comfortable round me. This calms me too. Sometimes I think she gets concerned, but she has learned not to say nothing, and I just don't look at her much if she got certain look on her face. Sometimes I am just in her house and we say little, but I am not alone.
So my sister don't say to me, you look lost (actually that would freak me some!), but she helps ground me just by her sameness.
Sorry if this don't make sense.
> >**Sometimes, maybe lotsa times, people look at me funny cuz I say wrong things. Maybe I say stuff people don’ normally say to people they don’t really know.
>
> Yeah, I get this a lot on the rare occasions I do talk. I just really don’t seem to have any concept around the building up a relationship idea. I’m so black and white, the relationship is either there or it isn’t. Logically I can understand the idea around gradually building trust, but I just have no idea how to tell if something is at the correct relationship level or not. Sometimes I say deeper things and you can immediately tell the other person thinks that was really inappropriate. Or I say things I’m thinking and you can tell they just think I’m strange and weird. Which really hurts. These are my inner thoughts/feelings and they screw up their face and back away. I guess there could be any number of feelings they are experiencing (repulsion, fear, rejection, disgust, caution, etc), but they all come down to one thing – those inner thoughts/feelings were not acceptable and are shameful and must be hidden away in future.**Awww ((LO))(hugs if ya want em)
I am SO much better at not caring what people think of me. Its very freeing. I had a thot the other day, that anything that someone else thinks of me just can't even come close to how bad I used to think I was. My T has helped me TONS with this. Now mostly I worry that my oddness will reflect somehow in how people treat my kids, or that they won't want their kids to play with mine.
But now in my heart I know I mean well, and if I screw up, it would not have had malicious intent.
And here's a thing, now that I have been interacting with other parents, an astonishing things been happeneing, DESPITE my weirdness.....they seem to LIKE me?!?!
Some just think I'm weird LOL! But others are nice to me, and say nice things, and smile at me, or say HI!. And dammit, you know littleone, that DOES feel GOOD! So mebbe thats a bit of an answer to your above question too.> >**You goto find your place. Accept that you a little different than the great average of humanity.
>
> I know you’re right. I think I can accept that I’m different to a lot of people, but I just can never seem to find the right place. I never feel like I belong. I’ve read in a number of places that the need to belong is a biggie. It’s way up there high on the hierarchy of needs. I cry when I read about the need to belong. It’s okay to be different, but you still need to fit in somewhere.**Well if its any comfort to you LO I have yet to find my place either...but i try and make this place I am OK. And its not so bad. I think there is a need for connection with other people, I think thats true. I have mostly surface connections cuz I don't let anyone very close. But even these help I think.
> If telling stories (and presumably being heard) are so very important to life, how can I possibly keep a relationship going with my mum and dad? Knowing that they can never hear me. I’m not sure I understand what else there is to a relationship than telling and hearing each other’s stories.
**Hmm. OK. Eg. My son and daughter come home from school. Some days they are bursting to talk, talk, talk. They want to INTERACT with me. I try hard to focus and listen and respond. This seems to calm them, makes them feel connected and 'heard'.
My sister tells the story of my Mom. Sis would come home from school, bursting to connect with Mom, to tell her of what went on at school, almost like debriefing, and she would talk to Mom, from her heart, expressing herself, exposing herself, and my Mom................would walk away...she never even heard. Like my sis was sh*t on the ground.... :-(
So mebbe its about INTERACTION/CONNECTION. Cuz the interaction can make us feel valued and safe.
I don't talk much to my Mom and dad anymore, there's very little connection there. Sometimes I feel bad bout it, but mostly I just don't care anymore.> Well, I found you. It’s actually really sadly ironic that I consider you one of the safe people in the world, but you consider yourself such a danger to others.
**Yeah. Kinda weird. But its more I am afraid of physical stuff. Emotional stuff I usu pretty careful bout, but again, depending what mode I am in, I can be kinda stupid sometimes, but NEVER deliberately cruel.
I think what makes many babblers so kind, is that we been where we think and beleive ( and sadly many still do beleive) that they are worthless, that all have more worth than them. We hold ourselves to a diff standard (much higher) than we hold others to. (this is what my T says I do). So who am I to diss another, when I am the ultimate shitball myself?
Dunno if that makes sense either. Just wish i could help you undertand what your trying to understand.> You made me smile. He is really cool. He’s even exactly the same colours as my T’s carpet, like he’s got special camouflage for my T’s office.
**PERFECT!!! :-)
>It was hard to know whether to bring him in there in the first place. I knew I wanted to, but didn’t understand why. So we did it as an experiment and learnt that I wanted him there because the 10 year old didn’t trust our T. Which I felt bad about. But it really helped build that trust a fair bit just by leaving him there. Which I know is really dumb logically, but it really did help a lot.
**Funny how stuff like that works eh? Like I use visualizations and stuff...
I think it was VERY VERY brave to bring him in in the first place.
> I get so excited when I go into my T’s office and sit down on the floor and peak round to his hiding place and see him watching things from there. I get so excited inside. And if my T and I are talking about hard stuff and I have to say something hard, I tend to look round to him sitting there – like he gives me inside encouragement.**Hmmm I starting to think your onto something here......might be I need to bring a spy to my T's office too!! Seriously. It would help the kid come out if she could see a special toy that was hers there....hmmmmm.
There, I just pasted this bit into my journal, ha!
> I loved this. I have no idea what a “puff” is, but I gave him a little peck on the nose for you. I hope that’s okay. And he was very happy about that. I think you were very right that they do like that. How did you learn so much about dinosaurs?**Sometimes a puff is good if they don't like to be touched is all, cuz he wouldn't know me, but of course he knows YOU!!! Duhhhhh. So a puff is is just a blow of air at their nose, and they can smell your smell, and mebbe sometimes it makes them sneeze!
Kid know LOTS bout animals and bugs and stuff. LOTS. More than anything. Cuz she lived SO much in their world.(maybe she not supposed to say that, but so there!)
Thanks,
Muffled
Posted by Daisym on April 16, 2007, at 0:25:47
In reply to Stories, posted by littleone on April 14, 2007, at 22:03:56
I have a suggestion if I may --
Often day-to-day interactions seem mundane or meaningless. But if you could consider that your brief words with someone might mean a great deal to them, then perhaps you might be more inclined to think of them as "deep." You just don't know when your smile, or "hello, how are you?" will make a difference. Chatting in the grocery store line makes people feel like part of their community, share things like weather or traffic makes us all feel connected. I know that seems trite or silly, but I try so hard to "see" other people; it doesn't take much but it goes so far. I love being able to say (and mean) to an older person, "what a lovely scarf, or pin, or whatever." Or to make some small gesture to a young child. I always take a moment to look the cashier or waitress in the face and really listen to her/his answer when I say, "fine thank you, and you?" when some one says, "how are you?" It surprises them that I expect an answer. But then, they always end up telling me! I think it is so important to be heard. That is why stories are important. Connections - our shared lives -- community and our shared hopes and dreams. If we lose this, I think we will grow so much more isolated and suspicious in our existence. We will forget to just be nice to each other.
I hope this doesn't sound too preachy.
I loved your dino story too. I gave my therapist a small figurine that stays with him and I'm always so pleased to see that it stays out where I can see it. I never thought of it as spying but I can see that fitting into part of my motivation. :)
Posted by muffled on April 16, 2007, at 11:05:59
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by Daisym on April 16, 2007, at 0:25:47
Littleone- I like how Daisy phrased this post, its sorta pretty much what i was trying to say but WAY more coherant!
Well said Daisy! You are good at making stuff make sense. I have a hard time with that. So I am glad you posted. Really its beautiful and not preachy at all. I may even show it to my T if you don't mind, its right down her alley. She likes to get stuff she can potentially use to help others.
Thanks Daisy.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on April 16, 2007, at 14:33:52
In reply to Stories, posted by littleone on April 14, 2007, at 22:03:56
If I share your dino story and how you have a dino in your T's office with my T?
I really like the idea, and bil had a good suggestion in that I just use what you wrote in your fax and see what my T has to say, and if she seems OK w/it, I will go get a critter of some kind for myself.
Or mebbe a small tree! LOL. I used to snuggle with trees in the forest when I felt very alone. I felt like they could hear me and would protect me. They were big and strong.
And its not so weird, cuz few years ago I read a story bout trees that DID. It wasn't a true story, but I not the only one who thought trees could hear me!
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by LittleGirlLost on April 18, 2007, at 9:15:39
In reply to Stories, posted by littleone on April 14, 2007, at 22:03:56
> So I wanted to tell that story to babble.
**littleone,
I'm glad you shared your "story" with us. I, for one, could very much relate to it. Very much. I too don't know what to share, or when, but also don't feel important enough to take anyone's time. I don't know how to make small talk, which is probably why I never feel like I fit in anywhere whether it's online or in person. My support system, is basically only my T, and I know that isn't good. Certain topics I can vent to a few friends, but I'm still very limited in that area.
But you're right, stories/small talk... I'm lost. Long story short and without going into too much detail, last time I tried telling a story about myself, I ended up going into too much detail. (It actually wasn't though, I mean it was no different than I wouldn't have spoken to a friend.) I honestly didn't think it was inappropriate, I saw it as sort of bonding/sharing with this person; well, it ended up being a huge mistake!> And my little dinosaur is listening in too. He's stayed in my T's office a lot since I got him. He used to hide there and spy on my T to see what he's really like. Now we're okay with our T and the dinosaur just likes to hide there cause it's safe. He's a paper-a-vore, so he nibbles on my T's books when he's hungry. He has come home with me this weekend so we can go to a special place together. He will keep me company and talk to me. He can roar at nasty people, but he's only a baby dinosaur so his roars are really little and quiet.
**Hehee I didn't know you had a dinosaur in your T's office; I like that idea! (He sounds cute too!) :) I actually had an idea awhile back to keep a little Hello Kitty figurine in my T's office. (Me and my little part like HK.) I didn't think it was to spy on her, I think it was more like because I wanted something of mine there to see every week, to feel that "I" belonged there too. (But I like your idea on spying on her! <g>) I planned on secretely placing the figurine there too, but I never did; I was thinking I'd miss it in my apartment, and I was never able to find a duplicate.
lgl
Posted by antigua on April 18, 2007, at 9:50:27
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by LittleGirlLost on April 18, 2007, at 9:15:39
I gave my T some pictures of my kids (she has met them before) and she has them prominently displayed in her office so everytime I go in, there they are! I don't know if I'm really comfortable with this, but it's really nice that she placed them where I can see them.
antigua
Posted by muffled on April 18, 2007, at 14:39:14
In reply to off the subject a little, posted by antigua on April 18, 2007, at 9:50:27
> I gave my T some pictures of my kids (she has met them before) and she has them prominently displayed in her office so everytime I go in, there they are! I don't know if I'm really comfortable with this, but it's really nice that she placed them where I can see them.
> antiguaMebbe she brings them out just for you when you come?
I would not be comfortable if she left them out all the time.
Muffled
Posted by antigua on April 18, 2007, at 14:47:41
In reply to Re: off the subject a little, posted by muffled on April 18, 2007, at 14:39:14
I'm pretty sure there always out there because she says people have asked about them.
antigua
Posted by littleone on April 18, 2007, at 21:36:30
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by muffled on April 15, 2007, at 23:56:19
Thank you for sharing everything you did here muffled. I listened closely to every word you said and it gave me some important stuff to talk to my T about. I think it’ll be too hard for me to respond to everything you said, but I wanted you to know that it was all important to me. And… my T really emphasized how important something you said was. I think he said you were very smart (although I’m pretty fuzzy, I’m sure he said something along those lines). So thank you for your words to me.
>>**Sometimes a puff is good if they don't like to be touched is all, cuz he wouldn't know me, but of course he knows YOU!!! Duhhhhh. So a puff is is just a blow of air at their nose, and they can smell your smell, and mebbe sometimes it makes them sneeze!
Thank you for explaining that, I know exactly what you mean now. He likes puffs too :)
>>Kid know LOTS bout animals and bugs and stuff. LOTS. More than anything. Cuz she lived SO much in their world.(maybe she not supposed to say that, but so there!)
Yes, I am the same. Animals I know. It’s only people that are beyond me. My birds were my best friends growing up. I used to sit in my aviary for hours upon hours at a time. It really was like I was trying to live in their world instead.
Posted by littleone on April 18, 2007, at 21:37:04
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by Daisym on April 16, 2007, at 0:25:47
Thank you for that daisy. I really appreciated what you had to say. It’s just a little hard for me to talk about at the moment though. But thank you.
>>I loved your dino story too. I gave my therapist a small figurine that stays with him and I'm always so pleased to see that it stays out where I can see it. I never thought of it as spying but I can see that fitting into part of my motivation. :)
:) It’s funny that even the spying part of your motivation is staying hidden and sneaky. My T was saying how good it was that babble people could see the symbolism around my little dinosaur. And how they could see how important those symbols were. It’s really nice that you guys understand.
Posted by littleone on April 18, 2007, at 21:37:54
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by LittleGirlLost on April 18, 2007, at 9:15:39
>>**Long story short and without going into too much detail, last time I tried telling a story about myself, I ended up going into too much detail. (It actually wasn't though, I mean it was no different than I wouldn't have spoken to a friend.) I honestly didn't think it was inappropriate, I saw it as sort of bonding/sharing with this person; well, it ended up being a huge mistake!
So sorry to hear it went badly for you :( I would have listened to your story. Even though it didn’t work out for you, I think it was good to try and reach out and bond/share with someone. Remember that just because that person couldn’t listen to you doesn’t mean that the next one won’t. It’s hard to put yourself out there.
>>**Hehee I didn't know you had a dinosaur in your T's office; I like that idea! (He sounds cute too!) :)
He is little and wrinkly (like an elephant) and has a tough protective shield around his face, but yeah, I think he’s really cute. He’s hiding there again now and I can’t wait to go in next time and see him peeking out from his hiding place. I get all wriggly inside just thinking about it :)
>>I actually had an idea awhile back to keep a little Hello Kitty figurine in my T's office. (Me and my little part like HK.) I didn't think it was to spy on her, I think it was more like because I wanted something of mine there to see every week, to feel that "I" belonged there too. (But I like your idea on spying on her! <g>) I planned on secretely placing the figurine there too, but I never did; I was thinking I'd miss it in my apartment, and I was never able to find a duplicate.
Your reason makes a lot of sense to me and I reckon your little part would have loved it. I’m not sure that keeping it secret from your T is a good idea. She should know about it and I know that it’s been really good to have my T involved with my little dinosaur. I’m sorry you couldn’t end up doing it. But I’m glad your little part gets to see your Hello Kitty in your apartment.
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