Posted by muffled on April 15, 2007, at 23:56:19
In reply to Re: Stories » muffled, posted by littleone on April 15, 2007, at 20:48:00
> I think what you are saying is right. But it just seems to me that this book was suggesting there was a lot more than that. I know that sometimes I see/hear of people and they seem to get so much meaning out of their day to day interactions. Like that is what gives their life meaning – those daily interactions (both deep and superficial). That is what they live for.
**My T is good about that. She says its not good to isolate, but that people all different. Some like lotsa friends, and some (like her and me both) have fewer close friends, but they close friends. So I guess that means you can talk 'real' to them.
I don't talk alot, or I didn't used to, I talk lots more now. But when my kids were babies, and even now, I take them to their aunty cuz she talks LOTS, and it was good for them to hear. I would sometimes realize I'd go HOURS w/o saying a whole lot to my babies. I was silent alot. I worked very hard at conciously stimulating my kids with interaction. But it wasn't natural, I had to remind myself to do it regularly.
I now actually often enjoy talking to other parents at the school these days. Not always, depends what mode I'm in.....
Though I dunno what they say when I am not around. Usu I am finding information bout stuff.
It feels good.
But I could certainly live w/o it too. But I would want a few friends to walk with and stuff...company.
I think partly why i didn't used to talk to others was cuz I felt I was a leper and was bad, so I stayed away. Figgered noone would care to hear what I had to say anyways.>**My T says other REFLECT ourselves.
> I have heard/read about this before, but I really don’t understand it very well. Like with babies, I understand that they might smile and then the mother smiles back and they see that. But I don’t really understand how that is helping the baby (or our nowadays selves for that matter). You gave an example of being lost, but I don’t really understand this. Like say you feel lost and tell someone and that person has a lost look on their face, how does that help you? Wouldn’t it make you feel more helpless and adrift? I feel like I’m missing something important with this.**well, part of why I worked so hard to talk to my babies, and interact with them, is cuz it helps them realize they not alone, and it reassures them, and stimulates them to use their brain.
Sometimes I lost, and I will visit my sister, and we don't ever talk deep stuff, but just being around her familiarity is good. The world has some sameness. Mebbe I all over, but she is same. She is used to me, she is comfortable round me. This calms me too. Sometimes I think she gets concerned, but she has learned not to say nothing, and I just don't look at her much if she got certain look on her face. Sometimes I am just in her house and we say little, but I am not alone.
So my sister don't say to me, you look lost (actually that would freak me some!), but she helps ground me just by her sameness.
Sorry if this don't make sense.
> >**Sometimes, maybe lotsa times, people look at me funny cuz I say wrong things. Maybe I say stuff people don’ normally say to people they don’t really know.
>
> Yeah, I get this a lot on the rare occasions I do talk. I just really don’t seem to have any concept around the building up a relationship idea. I’m so black and white, the relationship is either there or it isn’t. Logically I can understand the idea around gradually building trust, but I just have no idea how to tell if something is at the correct relationship level or not. Sometimes I say deeper things and you can immediately tell the other person thinks that was really inappropriate. Or I say things I’m thinking and you can tell they just think I’m strange and weird. Which really hurts. These are my inner thoughts/feelings and they screw up their face and back away. I guess there could be any number of feelings they are experiencing (repulsion, fear, rejection, disgust, caution, etc), but they all come down to one thing – those inner thoughts/feelings were not acceptable and are shameful and must be hidden away in future.**Awww ((LO))(hugs if ya want em)
I am SO much better at not caring what people think of me. Its very freeing. I had a thot the other day, that anything that someone else thinks of me just can't even come close to how bad I used to think I was. My T has helped me TONS with this. Now mostly I worry that my oddness will reflect somehow in how people treat my kids, or that they won't want their kids to play with mine.
But now in my heart I know I mean well, and if I screw up, it would not have had malicious intent.
And here's a thing, now that I have been interacting with other parents, an astonishing things been happeneing, DESPITE my weirdness.....they seem to LIKE me?!?!
Some just think I'm weird LOL! But others are nice to me, and say nice things, and smile at me, or say HI!. And dammit, you know littleone, that DOES feel GOOD! So mebbe thats a bit of an answer to your above question too.> >**You goto find your place. Accept that you a little different than the great average of humanity.
>
> I know you’re right. I think I can accept that I’m different to a lot of people, but I just can never seem to find the right place. I never feel like I belong. I’ve read in a number of places that the need to belong is a biggie. It’s way up there high on the hierarchy of needs. I cry when I read about the need to belong. It’s okay to be different, but you still need to fit in somewhere.**Well if its any comfort to you LO I have yet to find my place either...but i try and make this place I am OK. And its not so bad. I think there is a need for connection with other people, I think thats true. I have mostly surface connections cuz I don't let anyone very close. But even these help I think.
> If telling stories (and presumably being heard) are so very important to life, how can I possibly keep a relationship going with my mum and dad? Knowing that they can never hear me. I’m not sure I understand what else there is to a relationship than telling and hearing each other’s stories.
**Hmm. OK. Eg. My son and daughter come home from school. Some days they are bursting to talk, talk, talk. They want to INTERACT with me. I try hard to focus and listen and respond. This seems to calm them, makes them feel connected and 'heard'.
My sister tells the story of my Mom. Sis would come home from school, bursting to connect with Mom, to tell her of what went on at school, almost like debriefing, and she would talk to Mom, from her heart, expressing herself, exposing herself, and my Mom................would walk away...she never even heard. Like my sis was sh*t on the ground.... :-(
So mebbe its about INTERACTION/CONNECTION. Cuz the interaction can make us feel valued and safe.
I don't talk much to my Mom and dad anymore, there's very little connection there. Sometimes I feel bad bout it, but mostly I just don't care anymore.> Well, I found you. It’s actually really sadly ironic that I consider you one of the safe people in the world, but you consider yourself such a danger to others.
**Yeah. Kinda weird. But its more I am afraid of physical stuff. Emotional stuff I usu pretty careful bout, but again, depending what mode I am in, I can be kinda stupid sometimes, but NEVER deliberately cruel.
I think what makes many babblers so kind, is that we been where we think and beleive ( and sadly many still do beleive) that they are worthless, that all have more worth than them. We hold ourselves to a diff standard (much higher) than we hold others to. (this is what my T says I do). So who am I to diss another, when I am the ultimate shitball myself?
Dunno if that makes sense either. Just wish i could help you undertand what your trying to understand.> You made me smile. He is really cool. He’s even exactly the same colours as my T’s carpet, like he’s got special camouflage for my T’s office.
**PERFECT!!! :-)
>It was hard to know whether to bring him in there in the first place. I knew I wanted to, but didn’t understand why. So we did it as an experiment and learnt that I wanted him there because the 10 year old didn’t trust our T. Which I felt bad about. But it really helped build that trust a fair bit just by leaving him there. Which I know is really dumb logically, but it really did help a lot.
**Funny how stuff like that works eh? Like I use visualizations and stuff...
I think it was VERY VERY brave to bring him in in the first place.
> I get so excited when I go into my T’s office and sit down on the floor and peak round to his hiding place and see him watching things from there. I get so excited inside. And if my T and I are talking about hard stuff and I have to say something hard, I tend to look round to him sitting there – like he gives me inside encouragement.**Hmmm I starting to think your onto something here......might be I need to bring a spy to my T's office too!! Seriously. It would help the kid come out if she could see a special toy that was hers there....hmmmmm.
There, I just pasted this bit into my journal, ha!
> I loved this. I have no idea what a “puff” is, but I gave him a little peck on the nose for you. I hope that’s okay. And he was very happy about that. I think you were very right that they do like that. How did you learn so much about dinosaurs?**Sometimes a puff is good if they don't like to be touched is all, cuz he wouldn't know me, but of course he knows YOU!!! Duhhhhh. So a puff is is just a blow of air at their nose, and they can smell your smell, and mebbe sometimes it makes them sneeze!
Kid know LOTS bout animals and bugs and stuff. LOTS. More than anything. Cuz she lived SO much in their world.(maybe she not supposed to say that, but so there!)
Thanks,
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:749901
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/750172.html