Posted by littleone on April 15, 2007, at 20:48:00
In reply to Re: Stories » littleone, posted by muffled on April 15, 2007, at 0:05:06
>> It made it sound like the sharing of our stories is what makes life worth living.
>**I think maybe we can LEARN from stories. Like not to make same mistakes and stuff. It kinda gives you clues to the person when they talk, not just words but body language and tone, and eyes.
I think what you are saying is right. But it just seems to me that this book was suggesting there was a lot more than that. I know that sometimes I see/hear of people and they seem to get so much meaning out of their day to day interactions. Like that is what gives their life meaning – those daily interactions (both deep and superficial). That is what they live for.
But I really don’t understand that. I just can’t relate to it or comprehend it. It is so far out of my world. It seems like it should be a simple and straightforward idea for people with healthy relationships, but it just seems beyond me to understand and envisage (and feel).
>**Sometimes it feels good to complain if you’ve had a bad day. And then they can say stuff, and sometimes it makes you feel a little better.
Yeah, I can understand this. It’s part of the idea of expressing yourself and how this helps you inside to do so. And I can understand that sometimes people can give you another way of looking at things, or give you a pep talk or make you feel cared for, etc. I can understand the benefits in that stuff.
>**My T says other REFLECT ourselves.
I have heard/read about this before, but I really don’t understand it very well. Like with babies, I understand that they might smile and then the mother smiles back and they see that. But I don’t really understand how that is helping the baby (or our nowadays selves for that matter). You gave an example of being lost, but I don’t really understand this. Like say you feel lost and tell someone and that person has a lost look on their face, how does that help you? Wouldn’t it make you feel more helpless and adrift? I feel like I’m missing something important with this.
>**Sometimes, maybe lotsa times, people look at me funny cuz I say wrong things. Maybe I say stuff people don’ normally say to people they don’t really know.
Yeah, I get this a lot on the rare occasions I do talk. I just really don’t seem to have any concept around the building up a relationship idea. I’m so black and white, the relationship is either there or it isn’t. Logically I can understand the idea around gradually building trust, but I just have no idea how to tell if something is at the correct relationship level or not. Sometimes I say deeper things and you can immediately tell the other person thinks that was really inappropriate. Or I say things I’m thinking and you can tell they just think I’m strange and weird. Which really hurts. These are my inner thoughts/feelings and they screw up their face and back away. I guess there could be any number of feelings they are experiencing (repulsion, fear, rejection, disgust, caution, etc), but they all come down to one thing – those inner thoughts/feelings were not acceptable and are shameful and must be hidden away in future.
Sorry, it just makes me sad.
>**I like deep talk too. Tired of crap. Want to be real.
Exactly.
>**You goto find your place. Accept that you a little different than the great average of humanity.
I know you’re right. I think I can accept that I’m different to a lot of people, but I just can never seem to find the right place. I never feel like I belong. I’ve read in a number of places that the need to belong is a biggie. It’s way up there high on the hierarchy of needs. I cry when I read about the need to belong. It’s okay to be different, but you still need to fit in somewhere.
>> I have been un-heard my whole life by them. Is it any wonder I stopped telling my stories long ago.
>**so sorry :( That is hurtful for you.
Yeah. I think I told my T it felt heart wrenching to realise that. It hurt a lot. And it hurts to think about now. If telling stories (and presumably being heard) are so very important to life, how can I possibly keep a relationship going with my mum and dad? Knowing that they can never hear me. I’m not sure I understand what else there is to a relationship than telling and hearing each other’s stories.
>**Sorry you alone. Wish you could find safe people. There’s safe people out there…
Well, I found you. It’s actually really sadly ironic that I consider you one of the safe people in the world, but you consider yourself such a danger to others.
>**OMG WAY COOL DINOSAUR!!!! He spied on T for you!!!!!! GOOD idea!!
You made me smile. He is really cool. He’s even exactly the same colours as my T’s carpet, like he’s got special camouflage for my T’s office. It was hard to know whether to bring him in there in the first place. I knew I wanted to, but didn’t understand why. So we did it as an experiment and learnt that I wanted him there because the 10 year old didn’t trust our T. Which I felt bad about. But it really helped build that trust a fair bit just by leaving him there. Which I know is really dumb logically, but it really did help a lot.
I get so excited when I go into my T’s office and sit down on the floor and peak round to his hiding place and see him watching things from there. I get so excited inside. And if my T and I are talking about hard stuff and I have to say something hard, I tend to look round to him sitting there – like he gives me inside encouragement.
>**I hope you have a good weekend, and give your dinosaur a puff on the nose for me, I think mebbe they like that.
I loved this. I have no idea what a “puff” is, but I gave him a little peck on the nose for you. I hope that’s okay. And he was very happy about that. I think you were very right that they do like that. How did you learn so much about dinosaurs?
poster:littleone
thread:749901
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/750125.html