![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 17 to 41 of 41. Go back in thread:
Posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 10:16:18
In reply to Re: falling apart » wishingstar, posted by muffled on January 2, 2007, at 23:09:15
>
> :( My T used an analogy once, that I have a bunch of coats on to keep me safe, and in T, I take some coats off now and again, but then i freak, and put them all back on again...
> I dunno, I know I have had that sort of feeling with my T.
> Separating myself from her.
> To the point where I could think to myself that I truly wouldn't care if I never saw her again, if fact she is kind of annoying, and I don't even like her...etc
> But I want to be well...and so i go back...
>****Sorry to misunderstand what you were saying about the connection.. sounds like we're talking about the same thing. Not fun. I like her coat analogy. Only I never take any off. And sometimes I even bring extras to share with the other therapists wandering around (they recognize me, it a small center) and even Ginny! Have to be friendly, right? :) Can you tell me why you think you keep going back? Even when you feel like you dont care either way, dont like her, etc? I just ask because I'm feeling the same way, and maybe knowing why you do will help me to be able to as well.
>
> **Wrong for what reason?
> But I like the part where you can't back out of it!!!!
> Man, I have done that sort of thing a few times, and there's times my T has utterly missed the whole point entirely! So don't expect miracles....****** As for why it's wrong... I still dont really know. You'd have to ask Anne. It didnt feel wrong and I wasnt trying to be manipulative or anything, but she told me I was wanting her to do all the work. These wernt notes that were mean to her, telling her she HAD to do anything.. just notes about how desperate I was feeling. Laurie used to say she was proud of me and happy I gave her notes like that. But I'm afraid to do it. They never were miracles with Laurie, you're right. But it always at least introduced the topic and made it easier to talk about.
> Does your t have a secure fax or e-mail?
****Not that I know of. Truthfully, I'm too scared to ask. Because then it's like I'm saying "there is a lot I want to say" and even that is scary for me. That's how deep this goes. Hah!
> >
>
> **Shes given you every reason to trust her........
> But for people like us....its NOT ENOUGH. No way is it enough. For me, thats where the testing helped alot. I think testing can take the form of you thinking of a very pointed question to ask your T, and seeing if she is honest with you about it. I think I asked my T on the phone if I was a pain in the *ss. It was hard to say, but I blurted it. She didn't say no! LOL!!!! She said I could be a challenge....hmmmm. I squeezed her on that one some!LOL! Actually it was hard and hurtful at the time, but by working thru it, there was some trust built.
> And one time I did actually make her mad (not that she will EVER admit it), and it was scarey, but we worked that out mostly too, and more trust was built.
> And I called her a DB in a fax and she called it manipulative(she may have been somewhat peeved bout that one too!). And there was hurt feelings, and fear. But she still didn't dump me. We worked thru it. And more trust was built....
> So I guess the thing is, that for me, it all very well and good for a T to talk the talk, but she got to WALK the WALK, before I can trust at all. AND I got to see it thru my OWN eyes as it were. No second hand stuff.
> >
*****What you wrote about testing really made me think. I'm not much of a "tester" myself and I really do believe she'd be honest with me if I asked her a hard quesiton. When she talked to Anne on the phone, she told me exactly what Anne said.. who knows if she left things out, but she did tell me a lot of thnigs that were hard to hear because she knew I wanted to know. But I do think things need to be shaken up a bit.Maybe I will write that book! Only $19.95 hardcover. Do you think Dr Bob will post a link to it up with the other books? Haha just kidding... I do get your humor. It does help to be able to laugh about these things with people who get it.
Thanks again for all your thoughts. I havent called her yet but I am thinking about it still.
Posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 10:22:06
In reply to falling apart, posted by wishingstar on January 2, 2007, at 16:19:12
I just realized the difference between Ginny or Anne or anyone, and Laurie. It's never been quite as hard for me to be emotional and real with Laurie as with others and I'd wondered why for a long time.. Ginny has asked me why.. but I just couldnt say. I realized that Ginny conducts sessions almost completey in questions, where Laurie uses many, many more statements than questions. Just a difference of "did that feel hurtful to you" versus "..and that was really hurtful" at the end of some story or something. It seems so minor but our brains are so complex that I think I'm tricking myself into staying congitive with questions. I'm making it into an interview, not a conversation. I really do think that's it.
Now that I've realized that, it helps.. but I'm still left with the same problem. Learning to be emotional and real in this relationship. Because that's as good a lesson as any other probably.
Posted by muffled on January 3, 2007, at 10:43:46
In reply to I just realized the difference, posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 10:22:06
> I realized that Ginny conducts sessions almost completey in questions, where Laurie uses many, many more statements than questions. Just a difference of "did that feel hurtful to you" versus "..and that was really hurtful" at the end of some story or something. I'm making it into an interview, not a conversation.
> Now that I've realized that, it helps.. but I'm still left with the same problem. Learning to be emotional and real in this relationship. Because that's as good a lesson as any other probably.**Yay Wishy! This is the stuff that helps! Little things lead to more!
My T sometimes asks questions, and I feel interrogated when she does that. She does it occasionally I guess when she is trying to figure a particular thing out.I'm not exactly verbose... Fortunately she doesn't do it often.
The other thing my T will do is say, 'that must have been hurtful' and she will follow it up with, 'am I right?'. I guess she doesn't want to put words in my mouth.
I am being more real with my T, but not yet emotional.
IMO I think it comes down to 'style' of therapy. And you two are still needing to work out what works best for you and Ginny. Me and my T are STILL working on that, but its definately getting better.
I still think alot of the problem of being able to be real and emotional still comes down to the trust thing.
Its such a huge thing for so many of us who have been burned in our formative years....so its not a strange thing, but its SO ingrained and hard to get by.
Thats where writing helps me. Stuff that there's NO way I could ever say to her(just about ANYthing really)I can type on my computer. Then I read it mebbe 100x, then I just send it.....
Works for me. I truly don't know how else I'd do it. I want help, but I just CAN'T say it to her face, I get all dissociated and lots and confused and paralyzed with fear.
So I think you figgering good stuff.
I still think it would be useful for you to print out this thread and take it to your T for educational purposes.
I think it would help her to help you.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by pegasus on January 3, 2007, at 10:48:11
In reply to I just realized the difference, posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 10:22:06
That's a great insight. I agree that when someone makes a statement, it seems more like they get it. Especially when they make it in a really empathetic manner, and the statement is correct. ;) When there is nothing but questions, it can seem like they're having trouble understanding, or accepting what you're saying. Of course, questions have their place. But this is a really subtle and powerful thing to realize. I hope it helps your therapy with Ginny a lot.
peg
Posted by muffled on January 3, 2007, at 11:25:56
In reply to Re: falling apart, posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 10:16:18
> Not fun. I like her coat analogy. Only I never take any off. And sometimes I even bring extras to share with the other therapists wandering around (they recognize me, it a small center) and even Ginny! Have to be friendly, right? :) Can you tell me why you think you keep going back? Even when you feel like you dont care either way, dont like her, etc? I just ask because I'm feeling the same way, and maybe knowing why you do will help me to be able to as well.
***ROFL!!! Oh MAN WS! You got a bad case of coatitis!!! I never even thot of sharing extras!!!!LOL!!You made me laugh there!!!
I go back, because while my T has her flaws, I DO feel she cares....not to say I fully trust her, but I think she does care some. I also feel that I will be able to work with her. She seems to be very willing to try stuff. She seems she not a quitter. I dunno, I saying this my from my perspective NOW. Hmmm, awhile back, mebbe it was partly a case of I just wanted to get better. I was sick of feeling the way I did, I felt my life was just wasting away, and I wasn't being a healthy Mom. So I went back because, partly I was scared to try and find a new T. It was SO hard to say(or send) as much to my T as I had. I went back, cuz even though my T didn't seem so great cuz she just SO didn't "get ' me, she seemed so willing to try. I went back cuz I was scared and desparate and didn't know what else to do.....
And its working out.
My T is human and has failed me at times, but mostly she doing OK. I am a challenging client, and she has not given up on me. She is so willing to try anything if she thinks it will help. She is a very kind person. She is as honest as she is able to be with me..lol!(sometimes I can just hear her brain squeaking when she trying to find the right words to say something in the 'right' way when I have asked her a pointed question!!!!)But when it comes down to the crunch, she seems to be honest, even if its said in 'careful' terms!> ****** As for why it's wrong... I still dont really know. You'd have to ask Anne. It didnt feel wrong and I wasnt trying to be manipulative or anything, but she told me I was wanting her to do all the work. These wernt notes that were mean to her, telling her she HAD to do anything.. just notes about how desperate I was feeling. Laurie used to say she was proud of me and happy I gave her notes like that. But I'm afraid to do it. They never were miracles with Laurie, you're right. But it always at least introduced the topic and made it easier to talk about.
**exactly. Well said. I think Anne has her own stuff and it got in the way :(
> ****Not that I know of. Truthfully, I'm too scared to ask. Because then it's like I'm saying "there is a lot I want to say" and even that is scary for me. That's how deep this goes. Hah!
Hah! :( Yeah, I know. I still think Poets fling and run thing might work for you. Seriously. Print out this thread and as you leave, just hand it to her(or plunk it on her desk) and literally run out the door.
I sometimes will have paper in my hand , but can't bring myself to give it to T. She has learned to ask if she see's paper in my hand....> *****What you wrote about testing really made me think. But I do think things need to be shaken up a bit.
**Again, good wording. Its when things get shaken up a bit that the relationship w/mt T improves...
Mebbe you could bring out the kid in you and make it a game to see if you can get T to be surprized bout something?...(like clothes, or blurt something...)
>
> Maybe I will write that book! Only $19.95 hardcover. Do you think Dr Bob will post a link to it up with the other books?**Hey! You goto share the proceeds!!!
> I havent called her yet but I am thinking about it still.
>
** I wish you would...think of it as the first step in the 'shake up!'.
Mebbe commit yourself by saying on the message that your going to bring some papers and she needs to ASK you for them and don't take no for an answer!
That'd proly shock her :)! LOL.
Its funny, stuff that we think is so hard, if you can just say to your self I am going to do this ONE thing, just keep working at getting your mind around it. Just keep telling yourself, I can do this one thing. Totally psych yourself ready to do it. And mebbe you will, and mebbe you won't, either way its OK. Just keep trying is all.
I KNOW you can do it WS. Its just a matter of WHEN.
Take care,
I'm rather long winded aren't I?
Proly talking to myself as much as you!
Muffled
Posted by Scentedgarden on January 3, 2007, at 12:48:53
In reply to Re: I just realized the difference, posted by pegasus on January 3, 2007, at 10:48:11
I agree with peg, and muff....this is a huge realisation...and one i never thought about before...I also dont respond well to Q's at ll from my T....an latelt she has said more of the empathic satements...this is a good therapist skill, and i'm glad you have figured this out...WOW
thanks for your kind words to me earlier...about always being interested in what i had to share with you...glad you had the hot choc....hope you're feeling better today..
My best wishes for tomoz...hope its a great session for you...one you come away from feeling satified with yourself...and smiling...
take care.
Scentedgarden
Posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 13:06:38
In reply to Re: I just realized the difference » wishingstar, posted by muffled on January 3, 2007, at 10:43:46
Thanks for your comments everyone... it just popped into my brain last night and seemed so obvious. How did I not see it before? I guess my subconscious had been working on it for awhile. In fact, I think in many ways that was what I struggled to tell Anne for awhile too. Oh well. I'm going to try to tell Ginny that tomorrow, but it wont be easy. I feel really bad comparing or telling anyone what to do. I got criticized for that by Anne too, and of course my lovely family which is a whole different story. Oh well. I'm glad I realized it. Thanks everyone.
Unfortunatley no better today. I slept in until 10:30 (its 2:00 here now) and was okay for a bit, but I've crashed again. I feel absolutely horrible. I'm about to go lay down on my couch and stare at the tv for awhile, altohugh I probably wont be taking a lot in. I've been considering calling Ginny too but right now, dumb as this sounds, I dont know what to say if I leave a message. I really dont. So I'm working on it I guess. I see her and my pdoc tomorrow.
thanks everyone. you all are the best.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 3, 2007, at 17:30:07
In reply to Re: falling apart - poet and therapygirl, posted by wishingstar on January 2, 2007, at 22:17:27
I like your idea about leaving her the voice mail. I also used to have to "trick" myself into talking. Still do sometimes. I wrote things for years and years -- it was the only way I could pass information along to her. But then I got into this thing where the harder it was to write or talk about something, the harder it was to actually hand it to her. So we made a deal that I hand her whatever I've written as soon as I walk in the door, but she won't read it until I say, "O.K."
I'm not suggesting that this will work for you, but I am suggesting you put some thought into ways you can trick yourself to open up more. :-)
Posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 18:05:28
In reply to Re: falling apart - poet and therapygirl » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on January 3, 2007, at 17:30:07
Well I left her a voicemail. I told her that I was very hesitant to leave it because Anne would have been mad at me for doing so and I didnt know how shed react. I said that I really wanted to cancel for tomorrow and I wasnt going to but I wanted her to know I was feeling that way, and I knew I wouldnt be honest and say it tomorrow, so I wanted to tell her in a message etc etc. I said I'm not feeling very connected and it isnt her fault, it's something I'm doing to myself, but its not good. And that was basically it because the message ran out of time.. it only gives you like 30 seconds. So we'll see.
My appt is at 11 tomorrow. We'll see.
Posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 18:08:09
In reply to i left a voicemail, posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 18:05:28
A part of me just really, really wants to die right now. I just CANT DO THIS. Not see Ginny tomorrow.. just everything. I cant. Okay, I take it back.. Laurie would say I dont feel like I can, but its okay to feel that way and do it anyway.. so let me change it. I can, but I dont want to. I'm done. I've been trying for too long and all I do is sabotage myself so how do I ever hope to feel better?
I'm not going to hurt myself, just thoughts. Just to be clear.
Posted by muffled on January 3, 2007, at 18:45:42
In reply to Re: i left a voicemail, posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 18:08:09
> A part of me just really, really wants to die right now. I just CANT DO THIS. Not see Ginny tomorrow.. just everything.
**Ahhh, the post message panic....
But you did it!!!I cant. Okay, I take it back.. Laurie would say I dont feel like I can, but its okay to feel that way and do it anyway.. so let me change it. I can, but I dont want to.
**Well done WS, even in your panic your remebering good stuff! You can,of course you think you can't, but yes you can, nobody said therapy was easy, but you want to feel better. You have taken a big step! Yay! This is GOOD. You can, PART of you doesn't want to, but MORE of you DOES.
> I'm done. I've been trying for too long and all I do is sabotage myself so how do I ever hope to feel better?
**But your so not done! You did it! You left a voicemail, and a good one at that. You have shown that you got guts. That you are ready to dig in and try. Its so hard and scarey, but your T is there for you, let her help. And you can babble away to us too, cuz so many of us know just how you feel.
>
> I'm not going to hurt myself, just thoughts. Just to be clear.
>
**Thank you for that. I must admit I was a little taken aback. But you wanted things to change, and you said you were sabotaging, but now your not! This is a T test your doing! This sort of thing is HUGE. It will make a big difference in the relationship itself as you work thru this challenge.
But from what I have seen of your posting, you can do it. It'll be hard but you can do it.
I'm TOTALLY impressed!
Keep babbling away.
I wish I was nearer, I'd go with you.
So I will just go with you in spirit.
Hear me whispering in your ear tomorrow, 'you can do it whishy, I KNOW you can, and its gonna be SUCH a good thing. Its time.'
Best to you WS.
Real trust feels good when it comes, real good. Its worth FIGHTING for.
So take it easy, try not to think, distract if you can.
Make a plan in the a.m. that you will get up, brush teeth, hair, get dressed, all while not thinking.
Remember me cheering for you. Remember Laurie cheering for you, remember MORE of you wants this, and it's just gonna happen.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by muffled on January 3, 2007, at 18:47:42
In reply to Re: i left a voicemail » wishingstar, posted by muffled on January 3, 2007, at 18:45:42
And keep us posted either way.
Soons you can.
I am happy for you.
Muffled
Posted by youngaddict on January 3, 2007, at 21:54:39
In reply to Re: i left a voicemail » muffled, posted by muffled on January 3, 2007, at 18:47:42
wow. first off i am new to these boards. i came on here because i am having the EXACT same issues you are having. I go 3 times a week to my T and I feel like I am just skimming the surface and I don't trust her but shes so kind to me and then when I mess up she acts like a mother and gets upset. I have issues with my mother and I think shse trying to act like the mother figure I never had inorder to further my therapy, to grow up so to speak.
i have the same thoughts about leaving a message or writing something, but then i chicken out. I recently relapsed with my drug of choice after trying to be clean for 28 days.. and I told her and she was very stern with me and it upset me. but its what i need. its so hard for me to tel lher anything, but iwant to, i rally do. i want to get better but as someone said, sharing just isn't part of who were are, have grown up to be. i too have experienced neglect and abandonment of some type and have somme serious trust issues.
i need to stop being afraid to tell my T and start doing what you are doing. PLEASE post how your session goes tomorrow and good luck. you did the right thing, they thing i wish i had the "balls" to do.
Posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 8:44:17
In reply to Re: i left a voicemail, posted by youngaddict on January 3, 2007, at 21:54:39
Posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 15:38:53
In reply to im leaving now. so nervous. cross your fingers. (nm), posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 8:44:17
I survived! It was incredibly uncomfortable.
I could tell the minute I walked in the door that she wasnt in her normal mood. Great. She was much more somber and serious than normal. It felt very punishing. The only time I've ever seen her like that before was when she found out I'd cut myself for the first time in a long time... and obviously it was a disapproval then. It felt the same today. She said it was okay that I'd called though, although it wasnt a terribly convincing statement.
Of course we sat down and immediately she said she'd gotten my "interesting message" from last night. We talked about it and I had trouble saying what I meant... that I know how I feel, but I'm just not able to put it into words for her, even though I want to. I made sure she knew I wasnt blaming her for it. She asked for an example of things I'm not telling her that I regret not saying and I had a hard time picking out any one thing... it's not one thing sticking out in my mind. It's all the time mostly. I think she sort of got it and sort of didnt. She kept saying I'd peaked her curiousity. Hah.
I told her it'd help if she would occasionally just ask me if there was something else I wanted to say. She said that was bordering on "asking her to do the work" like Anne used to say. I didnt really mean it that way.. but I guess it is. Who knows.
At the beginning of the voicemail I'd said I was afraid to leave it because anne would have been upset with me for it. She said today she thought that was a test of her (hear that muffled!!) It really wasnt. I told her that and I think she believed me... I'm just so terrified of "getting in trouble" or doing it wrong.
We talked about why it was scary to be more vulnerable and how I'm afraid I'm going to be abandoned. This was the hardest part. I told her I'm afraid that she'll either get mad at me and I'll be "punished" (doing it wrong, etc) or the bigger one, that shell decide she cant work with me and refer me somewhere else. She reassured me that if that ever happened, we'd work through it together and shed help me get set up somewhere new. But that wasnt what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that she wont abandon me, period. She said that she very rarely refers anyone (except to pdocs) and that she didnt see it coming for me either. She also said that our relationship is a professional one and because of that it means she could have to leave sometime, like if she moved, got a new job, etc. She was very careful to tell me she is NOT planning on leaving any time soon but that she didnt want to mislead me. It might be dumb, but I'd rather be misled. Of course I know her leaving is a possibility. I just need her to reassure me that she isnt going to abandon me. I even said.. everyone I've ever trusted has left me.. that's a hugely emotional thing for me to say, so that's good.. but it was hard not getting the reassurance I wanted.
She also made a comment about how I'm over-reliant on therapy because I dont have other supports.. and I just wish shed stop saying that! It makes me pull back even further. Overreliant, to me, means back off. I know I'm highly sensitive to these little passing comments. I bet she doenst even remember saying that. It's something I want to tell her later.
At the end she said she will try to ask me if there's anything I want to add more often. Often I get so caught up in the barage of questions that I miss the chance. She said it's hard for her because often she makes the connections in her mind and doesnt realize we've switched topics, but she's going to try. Thats good. She also said that I can bring in a paper with things I want to talk about and give it to her at the beginning of sessions if it's too hard to say. I asked if she'd be willing to ask me for it, because I'm afraid it'd never leave my purse. She said she will. I'm going to try to take her up on that next week. She also said I could call like I did or send an email (I forgot to get the email address) but she didnt sound thrilled with that to me.
She also expressed concerns about me having any contact with Laurie. I only talk to her maybe once every 6 weeks, and for like 10 minutes. Ginny said she doesnt want to tell me not to have contact with her because shes been in my life for so long, but it's a concern because I'm in contact with 2 therapists. I dont really see my contact with Laurie as "therapy" though. So that didnt make me feel good either.
So I guess it was a mixed experience. I know I listed tons of not-so-great things but all in all, I did leave feeling a lot more heard than I usually do. I felt like she got a lot of it. In that sense I feel good and hopeful that we're moving in a better direction. I am going to try to be more open and she is going to try to slow down and let me say what I need to say. But I also really feel like she's unsafe and I need to pull away from her even harder.. not because "she knows" now but because of some of the comments listed above. I think shes getting frustrated and I just cant do it. I dont get to see her this Tues because shes out of the office so I'll go back next Thurs. I'm going to try to write some of this down before I go back so we can talk about it more.
I'm wondering if she's right and I should just switch. She mentioned it before christmas and again today. But really, I think this is my issue and I'm afraid it'd just follow me.
I really am trying.
Posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 15:42:02
In reply to im leaving now. so nervous. cross your fingers. (nm), posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 8:44:17
Forgot one thing! I told her about babble today. I'd never mentioned it before but I told her you all had encouraged me to call her last night and of course she wanted to know more. I think she was concerned that it could be a bad influence. She asked me if people give advice here on how to slit your wrists!! Of course I said no and I told her how it's very supportive, Dr Bob has rules, etc etc. I had a very bad experience with a child predator-type person online as a teenager and I think she's worried because of that. But once I explained it, she seemed calmer and I think she's happy with it. :)
Muffled, I told her your Ts analogy about the coats too. And how I bring coats to share. She laughed and said she liked it. :)
Posted by muffled on January 4, 2007, at 15:48:18
In reply to one more thing, posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 15:42:02
LOL!
Wishy, sounds great!
Feels good to be getting out of the rut a bit eh?!
Can't stay, goto pack for camping.
Take care,
Proud of you all right!!!
Muffled
Posted by Poet on January 4, 2007, at 16:26:37
In reply to My session today (long), posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 15:38:53
Hi Wishingstar,
Sounds like it was a hard one. I don't get why a T asking if we have anything more to say is bordering on *asking them to do the work.* Though I guess if I were any good at therapy I'd just be able to blurt everything out and my T would never have to probe, fish or try to coax it out of me. Sorry, I'm in my therapy failure mode these days.
If you're worried that you won't give what you've written to Ginny, just hand it right to her at the beginning of the session. Don't put it in your purse, just keep it in your hand. That's what I do. Unless it's something I want her to read, but I don't want to be there when she reads it then I put it next to me on the love seat or sticking out underneath my purse on the floor. My T will usually ask if it's something I'll be leaving with her. Then I can drop it and dash or change my mind and not give it to her at all.
I hope Ginny doesn't abandon you, she does seem to understand why you have that fear, which is good. You are really trying and Ginny should see that, especially if you write things down for her to read. At least for me writing to my T is much easier than talking to my T.
My T knows about babble and has promised to never come here and spy on me. She thinks it's a positive thing that I have online support and online friends.
Poet
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 4, 2007, at 19:30:23
In reply to one more thing, posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 15:42:02
Wow, you must be exhausted. I am so very, very proud of you for putting in the effort. And I know it was an effort.
And I know Ginny didn't tell you everything you wanted to hear, but I actually think that's a GOOD thing -- she's trying very hard not to make promises she can't keep. That moves her up the trustworthy list in my mind.
I hope you will stick with this longer. I can see the potential of this relationship and I believe Ginny can help you.
Hang in there, Wishy!
Posted by youngaddict on January 4, 2007, at 19:52:08
In reply to Re: one more thing » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on January 4, 2007, at 19:30:23
i totally agree with therapygirl.. I think your therapist was being very responsible and trustworthy, otherwise she would have been lying and even though you (and me too in my own case) would rather be in the dark or have misleading thoughts, in the end its healthy to have the honest truth.
i am so glad you did this! I don't know you or your history, but i feel the EXACT way you speak. I have recently relapsed with drugs and my last session I was high and i was so scared to go today because I thought she would be mad at me. I kind of wish she had so that I know she cared..but all she did was ask my something inoculous... then I told her that I was having trouble speaking to her and opening up and she assumed it was because i had relapsed, but i really had meant in general. anyway she asked if it was because i thought i was disapointing her.. which was true ALSO...anyway i immediately said "yeah AND i disapointed myself" which wasn't even true.
UGH anyway i just wanted to let you know that you are definitly NOT alone and that I am so glad that I found this website so that i know I am not alone.
thanks
Posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 20:39:35
In reply to Re: My session today (long) » wishingstar, posted by Poet on January 4, 2007, at 16:26:37
Thanks guys for understanding how hard that was and all your thoughts... this site is pretty much my only lifeline to the outside world right now.. how sad it that?
My intellectual side agrees with you all. It was responsible and honest for Ginny to say everything she did. It's better that she say than then lie and have it blow up later on. One part of me really does know that. But it just hurts. I know you all understand that. I dont know if she realizes quite how sensitive I am to that.. not that it means she shouldnt have said it.. but I dont know if she knows how that hits me. Again, another thing to add to the list I guess.
Luckily, she said she will ask for the paper, whether she sees one in my hand or not. And that (I think) will be enough to get me to give it to her. I am going to try to make the best use out of that I can.
Poet, one thing you said really struck me because I can relate to it so, so much. You said you feel like a therapy failure. Me too. Me too times a million! I feel like I couldnt do worse at this if I tried. I mean, are most people really able to just go to therapy and say exactly how they feel with no coaxing? I mean, my big issue is that I was neglected as a child and grew up in a family with NO emotion. They want me to talk about how that feels with deep emotions. I just DONT KNOW HOW. Neither of us are therapy failures. But I do understand.
Thank you again everyone for understanding.
Muffled, have a great time camping!! I hope it's not too cold where you are.
Posted by youngaddict on January 4, 2007, at 22:42:18
In reply to Re: My session today (long), posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 20:39:35
I agree with you and I certainly am not one who goes to therapy and speaks my mind.. I definitly only skim the surface. so i guess you should (because I do find comfort that although it hurts and it sucks...its totally normal. I asked my therapist today about this and she said that people come to therapy because they want to change but they also have issues with actually changing their lives which is what is the outcome of therapy so people are constantly conflicted. and that people don't want to admit they are compleltly a failure so its hard to talk about it.. not that she was saying i was a failure, but she said something similiar that made sense!
you have to keep us updated on how next session goes with ginnie.
Posted by muffled on January 4, 2007, at 23:14:58
In reply to Re: My session today (long), posted by wishingstar on January 4, 2007, at 20:39:35
> Thanks guys for understanding how hard that was and all your thoughts... this site is pretty much my only lifeline to the outside world right now.. how sad it that?
**not sad at all. You are working on stuff.
>
> My intellectual side agrees with you all. It was responsible and honest for Ginny to say everything she did. It's better that she say than then lie and have it blow up later on. One part of me really does know that. But it just hurts. I know you all understand that. I dont know if she realizes quite how sensitive I am to that.. not that it means she shouldnt have said it.. but I dont know if she knows how that hits me. Again, another thing to add to the list I guess.**Dumpmeitis. I used to have a major case of that SO regularly, and myT would reassure me each time (she has the patience of a saint TG). However, she has said it better than your T. Can't remember exactly how she said it, but yes, we went thru the same spiel basically as you did, but when she realized that wasn't working, she then would say more along the lines of 'I WILL NOT dump you, I am here for the long haul, then she'd say to me bout how I doing the 'coats' thing, and sometimes she say bout how its the fear thing thats talking, etc. But I learned that it was OK to tell her (in writing of course) that I was suffering with dumpmeitis, and that would be her cue to reassure me. It helped. I didn't need a song and dance bout WHY, I JUST needed reassurance. This is LONG, but I trying to explain it right, cuz it was a BIG deal to me.
>
> Luckily, she said she will ask for the paper, whether she sees one in my hand or not. And that (I think) will be enough to get me to give it to her. I am going to try to make the best use out of that I can.**Writing is everything to me. I CAN'T make myself talk bout stuff right out, I just blank out.
>
> Poet, one thing you said really struck me because I can relate to it so, so much. You said you feel like a therapy failure. Me too.**Well I say little and scarecly look at my T, so I not so great, BUT THATS WHY I IN T!!!!!! LOL!
I mean, are most people really able to just go to therapy and say exactly how they feel with no coaxing?I just DONT KNOW HOW.
**And neither do I, but I learning. I am learning to recognize emots by the physical signs of my body. I am learning that some emotions are big, and some are small. And evrything in btwn.
>
> Thank you again everyone for understanding.**Oh ya, you SO NOT alone in this...
>> Muffled, have a great time camping!! I hope it's not too cold where you are.
**LOL, hope so! Wind warnings! Rain! HA! But I living large, there's a FURNACE in the trailer and it works good!
Gonna be on west coast, could be some beauty waves!!!
See ya.
Muffled
Posted by wishingstar on January 5, 2007, at 10:37:17
In reply to Re: My session today (long), posted by youngaddict on January 4, 2007, at 22:42:18
It sounds like you and I have a lot in common. I know exactly what you mean. There's always pros and cons to everything.. including changing our lives in positive ways. There are things to be lost, even if its just temporary comfort, but those can be big when we've lived a certain way for 20, 40, 60, etc years.
Posted by wishingstar on January 5, 2007, at 10:44:31
In reply to Re: My session today (long) » wishingstar, posted by muffled on January 4, 2007, at 23:14:58
> **not sad at all. You are working on stuff.
> >
***thank you muffled.>
> **Dumpmeitis. I used to have a major case of that SO regularly, and myT would reassure me each time (she has the patience of a saint TG). It helped. I didn't need a song and dance bout WHY, I JUST needed reassurance. This is LONG, but I trying to explain it right, cuz it was a BIG deal to me.
> >Yes.. I know exactly what you mean. I guess that's where I am too. I know all the right words, I know what shes going to say.. I know that the truth is (that she could get killed driving home or any other thing). I know. I just need some reassurance. Maybe it's something for me to talk to her more about later, but I dont know, she didnt seem like she'd be getting any more reassuring than she was Thurs. But I think that reassurance can come other ways, just as the relationship grows, so I hope that happens. I love the term "dumpmeitis". Thats exactly it. :) For some of us though, because of childhoods/psych therapists potentially named Anne/etc, dumpmeitis is more like a recurrent illness, so we're always on the look out for symptoms, even though the dr swears we're immunized. Hah. That's how I feel anyway.
> **LOL, hope so! Wind warnings! Rain! HA! But I living large, there's a FURNACE in the trailer and it works good!
Boy that sure sounds nice! lol enjoy! :)
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