![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 184 to 208 of 233. Go back in thread:
Posted by geri122 on May 3, 2004, at 14:51:51
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by sfmom on April 30, 2004, at 23:32:34
sorry i haven't written in a while... my dad has not let me on.. its after school right now so i have a chance. Things here are ok i guess. I have been busy with prom things. Yes prom. I am going with a guy friend of mine. He doesn't know about anything that has happened so i am hoping we can have a stress free fun filled night.I don't know... i just need one night like that you know. sorry to keep it so short i don't want my dad to see me on here. i will be back on hopefully later to let you know
Posted by LynneDa on May 3, 2004, at 14:59:30
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on May 3, 2004, at 14:51:51
Hi Geri -
I'm sorry to hear your computer time has been restricted, I know that's frustrating :-(. You sound pretty good though. Prom! That's great, when is it? I truly hope you can have a relaxing evening. You definitely deserve it! Maybe you can use it as a fresh start, with this guy friend. Keep us posted when you can. I'll be sending good thoughts your way!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
sorry i haven't written in a while... my dad has not let me on.. its after school right now so i have a chance. Things here are ok i guess. I have been busy with prom things. Yes prom. I am going with a guy friend of mine. He doesn't know about anything that has happened so i am hoping we can have a stress free fun filled night.I don't know... i just need one night like that you know. sorry to keep it so short i don't want my dad to see me on here. i will be back on hopefully later to let you know
>
Posted by fallsfall on May 4, 2004, at 6:32:40
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on May 3, 2004, at 14:51:51
That is so exciting. What color is your dress? Does it make you feel elegant? What will you do with your hair? I hope that you have fun being all dressed up and that you feel as special as you are!
Posted by geri122 on May 7, 2004, at 14:45:22
In reply to Re: Baby Steps » geri122, posted by LynneDa on May 3, 2004, at 14:59:30
fights.... too many fights.. you know now i really know why i can;t bottle everything up... i have gotten in soo many fights... arguments that almost lead to physical fighting.
For the longest time i have kept everything to myself... yesterday i got into ywo fights with two guys. ONe was not as big as the second. The second i almost got into a fight with a guy... it pissed meoff so much that i was shacking uncontrollably.
How do i control myself??
Posted by LynneDa on May 7, 2004, at 15:07:19
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on May 7, 2004, at 14:45:22
Hi Geri -
Anger is caused by so many things. Obviously it's how you react to it that is what matters.
1. Avoid people or situations that typically make you angry as much as possible. (Duh - sounds logical, but many people, like me, are drawn to drama and I almost unknowingly allow myself to get into volatile situations just for the "fun" of it. Sick I know, a bad pattern, but one many people get into.)2. Take a multi-vitamin & extra Vitamin B. It does not become toxic, you'll "excrete" the extra (so it will look very yellow - not to worry!). The B Vitamins help strengthen your nervous system, which helps you stay a bit calmer.
3. Find a better outlet for your emotional energy on a daily basis - instead of letting them get bottled up & then exploding. Punching bag? Running? Writing? Dance? Yoga?
4. The more times you speak up about the little things that bother you, the less you will blow up. For example: calmly disagree with someone 10 times a day versus blowing up once a day :-).
5. Can you enlist a friend to forcibly drag you away when they can see you heating up? This is the hardest thing to do and I certainly could not do it every time (hardly ever actually), but walking away is worth a try!
Honey, the main thing I can tell you is I know that blow-up/anger feeling. It's like a volcano and you can't stop what comes out of your mouth - rational or irrational. It is different than normal anger. Control is a hard thing to master under the best of circumstances and, because you don't have a history of anger and acting out, I am betting that it is hormonal.
Also, can you keep track of your worst anger moments? Is it worse right before your period? Does chocolate or caffeine help you feel better? If so, the pill may help you. NOT that I'm condoning putting teenagers on birth control!!! That is a very personal decision, but from a hormonal stand-point, it is a better place to start than going straight to an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication.
The other thing that will help you is counseling. Talking things over with someone is SUCH a good release, I can't tell you. Talking to friends is good, but I get a lot of helpful tips from my counselor and I feel accountable to be able to report improvements in my behavior so I seem to work harder on the parts of me I can change or control versus trying to do it on my own.
You will get there sweetie! Everyone's path is different, but my wish for you is that you get some help earlier in your life rather than later. You are already pretty self aware and that is a big step you know!!
Have a good weekend & thanks for keeping in touch!
~ Lynne>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Posted by geri122 on May 16, 2004, at 16:53:23
In reply to Re: Baby Steps » geri122, posted by LynneDa on May 7, 2004, at 15:07:19
prom was last night. I had fun.. i mean there was a lot of drama. We took pictures at the dock, it was cold but it was fun. We went to dinner and just hung out. After the prom we went glow bowling. A whole bunch of our friends went there and we just hung out. A friend of mine called me up on the phone and said she was coming... yeah well they showed up drunk. Now mind you.. these are the same people that judged me for drinking away my problems. You don't know how much that hurt me. You know if the wouldn't have made a big deal about me then everything would be ok.. but they did. I don't want to be friends with people who make it ok for then but not me. We left bowling early because i could not be around that.. it hurt me because we put our differences aside and started be friends again. Now what do i do... make a big deal let them know how i feel or blow them off?
Posted by sfmom on May 17, 2004, at 11:25:21
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on May 16, 2004, at 16:53:23
Hi Geri,
Well, I'm glad that you went and had a good time, and I'm sorry about all the drama. In answer to your question, you don't have to do either. (Make a big deal or blow them off.) You can just tell them that you were hurt by their double standards. You don't have to make it a big confrontation, in fact, that would only make them more defensive and less likely to really listen to you--just tell them how you feel and let them respond or not. That's really all any of us can do.
But, even though I don't know these people or all of the circumstances, I do have to say that there is a difference between drowning our sorrows on a regular basis and having a few (or more) drinks on a big night like prom. I'm not saying that you do not have every right to feel hurt and betrayed, just that circumstances are different for everyone.
Please let us know what you decide to do. And always remember that we support you 100%, so just carry us around in your pocket.
Also, what are your plans for the summer?
Posted by LynneDa on May 18, 2004, at 10:36:19
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on May 16, 2004, at 16:53:23
Hi Geri - I'm so glad you had fun, you needed it!! It sounds like, even with the situation that occurred, it was a good night for you. What did you decide to do about your friends who showed up drunk? I agree with Lyssa, it was a one-time special event, BUT I would also be ticked off about it. Not everything's black & white is it??? :-) I hope you can talk to her about it and let her know it hurt you, but then listen to her side of it too. What you've been through has given you a different view, maybe even a little more mature view, than some of your friends. Everybody learns their life's lessons at a different pace.
How's it going with your Mom?
Take care sweetie!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
prom was last night. I had fun.. i mean there was a lot of drama. We took pictures at the dock, it was cold but it was fun. We went to dinner and just hung out. After the prom we went glow bowling. A whole bunch of our friends went there and we just hung out. A friend of mine called me up on the phone and said she was coming... yeah well they showed up drunk. Now mind you.. these are the same people that judged me for drinking away my problems. You don't know how much that hurt me. You know if the wouldn't have made a big deal about me then everything would be ok.. but they did. I don't want to be friends with people who make it ok for then but not me. We left bowling early because i could not be around that.. it hurt me because we put our differences aside and started be friends again. Now what do i do... make a big deal let them know how i feel or blow them off?
Posted by geri122 on May 19, 2004, at 14:42:03
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by sfmom on May 17, 2004, at 11:25:21
thanks.. i did have fun at prom and im sad that it is over. Im soon to be a sr and this was my last real night with my sr friends now. I took care of the situation.. like always i kept it to myself. I didn't say anything because i want thigs to be ok.. i don't need anymore stress or drama. Thanks for always being here.
The issur with my mom. I sat down with her and talked. me, mmy friend and her talked and made promises to each other. its still shacky but that is all in time.
Posted by LynneDa on May 19, 2004, at 14:51:58
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on May 19, 2004, at 14:42:03
I'm happy to hear you're talking to your Mom. That is a big plus for you. It's neat that you had a friend with you. Sometimes it helps to have another person with you for moral support and to help give another perspective on the situation. I'm proud of you for handling the prom situation as you did. Good job - as long as you let it go in your mind and don't stew over it!
Question - you seem to be in a calmer mode, not having those unexplainable anger bouts. Do you notice those times to be cyclical each month? I sort of flip out about 10 days before my period and then about 3 days before. Sometimes if you know that your mind set is just a temporary state - that you'll feel better in another day or so - it helps you get through it!
School's almost out - is that a good thing for you or will you miss it over the summer? What are you going to be doing?
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>thanks.. i did have fun at prom and im sad that it is over. Im soon to be a sr and this was my last real night with my sr friends now. I took care of the situation.. like always i kept it to myself. I didn't say anything because i want thigs to be ok.. i don't need anymore stress or drama. Thanks for always being here.
> The issur with my mom. I sat down with her and talked. me, mmy friend and her talked and made promises to each other. its still shacky but that is all in time.
>
Posted by sfmom on May 19, 2004, at 16:42:44
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on May 19, 2004, at 14:42:03
Geri,
I'm so proud of the very mature way you are dealing with your relationship with your mom. I'm also glad that you brought support (your friend) with you too. It'll be a constant process, but it will be worth it for both of you.
Regarding the issue of your friends and prom night, if it's over, I'm glad. But like Lynne said, it doesn't count as resolved if you stew over it and still feel betrayed. If so, it might be worth it to talk to your friends. It sounds cheesy, but if you use "I" statements (i.e. "I feel hurt and betrayed") it really does go more smoothly.
Whatever you decide, I hope you have a great summer. Will you get a chance to hang out with your senior friends over the summer? Are you working? Do you have a friend away from home that you can visit for a while for a change of scenery? By the way, how are things with your sister? Have you talked to her the way you have with your mom? Maybe the three of you could do something special together this summer?
Anyway, keep us posted. I think we're all a little jealous of your summer break!
Posted by geri122 on May 22, 2004, at 13:53:00
In reply to Re: Baby Steps » geri122, posted by LynneDa on May 19, 2004, at 14:51:58
i don't think how i feel or ourburst are due to my period, they happen so often. When i write here, i try to be calm about all of the situations. The thing is i have a lot going on in my head. On top of the way i feel i still am a teenage girl with the everyday problems. Boys, Friends, school, so on... I have acually been so stressed that i acually got sick. I couldn't keep my food down. It's all just a lot. Im trying to be calm and rational. i don't need or want another outburst. Cheerleading is starting up and that will be a headache all in its own, but i have been working my butt off for captain, i hope that i get it, i really think through everuthing, that well be a plus. I haven't talked to my sis, i would prefere not to at this moment. I don't want her to think i am crazy, you see my friend is bi polar, and she just found ouy, she didn't take it real well i don't wnat to worry her, i am her big sis, i want her to not be afraid to "bother" me with her problems, telling her how i feel might scare her. I have a friend who i am talking to about these situations. Im really trying hard to make things good, I am going away for three weeks in July to a collge. When i get there we will get assigned a councler there i think i might talk to him or her. Try to break the ice... i might be able to acually make a conection. We will see. I will keep you posted. no doubt about that. Thanks for all of your support!
Posted by LynneDa on May 25, 2004, at 9:02:22
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on May 22, 2004, at 13:53:00
Hi Geri -
Well, it sounds like you have a good plan: going hard for captain, talking to the counselor on the college tour. Those are both excellent things to focus on.If you do think you are suffering from depression, there are herbal products you can take that you buy at health food stores. Maybe you could research it on the internet and talk to your Mom about them. St. John's Wort is supposed to be very reliable and has been used for many, many years in Europe. You can't let yourself get so stressed that you become ill. My sister just went through something like that and she ended up in the hospital with dehydration!
Just remember: change the things you can, try to let go of the things you cannot and don't make judgments or decisions when you're upset! I'm really proud of you for how you're handling things. I understand about not wanting to talk to your sister. You have to make the decisions that are best for you and your family. I'm very glad you have a friend you can talk to - that's so important.
Hang in there sweetie, I'm glad you continue to write and keep us updated :-)
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
i don't think how i feel or ourburst are due to my period, they happen so often. When i write here, i try to be calm about all of the situations. The thing is i have a lot going on in my head. On top of the way i feel i still am a teenage girl with the everyday problems. Boys, Friends, school, so on... I have acually been so stressed that i acually got sick. I couldn't keep my food down. It's all just a lot. Im trying to be calm and rational. i don't need or want another outburst. Cheerleading is starting up and that will be a headache all in its own, but i have been working my butt off for captain, i hope that i get it, i really think through everuthing, that well be a plus. I haven't talked to my sis, i would prefere not to at this moment. I don't want her to think i am crazy, you see my friend is bi polar, and she just found ouy, she didn't take it real well i don't wnat to worry her, i am her big sis, i want her to not be afraid to "bother" me with her problems, telling her how i feel might scare her. I have a friend who i am talking to about these situations. Im really trying hard to make things good, I am going away for three weeks in July to a collge. When i get there we will get assigned a councler there i think i might talk to him or her. Try to break the ice... i might be able to acually make a conection. We will see. I will keep you posted. no doubt about that. Thanks for all of your support!
Posted by geri122 on May 30, 2004, at 8:52:15
In reply to Re: Baby Steps » geri122, posted by LynneDa on May 25, 2004, at 9:02:22
hello again. things here have been ok. i mean i have been stressing out severly, between dealing with everyday problems, but also friends and family. I just want to let you know that im still ok and everything. dont worry... write back later. Thanks again for always listening!
Posted by LynneDa on June 1, 2004, at 9:21:35
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on May 30, 2004, at 8:52:15
Hi, thanks for checking in! Just remember to take it one day at a time. Only spend time/energy stressing on the things you can change or make an impact on. The rest is out of your hands :-)
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>hello again. things here have been ok. i mean i have been stressing out severly, between dealing with everyday problems, but also friends and family. I just want to let you know that im still ok and everything. dont worry... write back later. Thanks again for always listening!
Posted by geri122 on June 9, 2004, at 13:32:38
In reply to Re: Baby Steps » geri122, posted by LynneDa on June 1, 2004, at 9:21:35
one thing after another. I thought i was doing great. things were looking up and then it all hit at once. My parents are on strick.... against me... not my sis just me. THey are always running for her, never for me. I barely ask them for anything, and now when do they won't even do it. I got in a huge fight with my dad, my sis, and my mom. I got in fight with Jenn.. my best friend... i feel trapped and scared. I couldn't get a hold of her.. i needed to talk and i couldn't. I did something stupid... i wanted a physical reason to cry, i wanted to make all of the emotional pain go away. What am i going to do the next time i can't get ahold of her, when i am alone? I am scare.... i am really scared!!!!
Posted by LynneDa on June 9, 2004, at 13:44:49
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on June 9, 2004, at 13:32:38
Geri - I'm so sorry to hear what's happening to you. Ride the waves. The good times and the bad times come & go don't they? The good ones will come back again.
Have you been able to talk to your mom about this or write her a note maybe? What brought this on? It appears that they think you need some "toughening" up or that they want to tighten the reins so you won't get out of their control. Do you know what their expectations of you are right now? Are they giving you any conditions you have to meet before their behavior will change? I know this is not the way to help you, but in their minds it is all they know to do.
Maybe you need to give them a little guidance on what you need. Sounds weird and it takes a lot of maturity to talk to your parents about this sort of thing without sounding sassy or without losing your cool.
Honey, don't cut yourself. I'm assuming that's what you mean. That can be a really addictive behavior. There has to be another outlet for you. Can you scream in a pillow or leave the house at all & just run, run, run until you feel better? Is there anyone else you feel comfortable calling when you get to this point?
Thanks for writing. Don't be scared . . . this too shall pass. Think about what you've done, think about what you need to do. Get a plan and share it with your Mom. Keep writing, I've been wondering how you've been doing!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
one thing after another. I thought i was doing great. things were looking up and then it all hit at once. My parents are on strick.... against me... not my sis just me. THey are always running for her, never for me. I barely ask them for anything, and now when do they won't even do it. I got in a huge fight with my dad, my sis, and my mom. I got in fight with Jenn.. my best friend... i feel trapped and scared. I couldn't get a hold of her.. i needed to talk and i couldn't. I did something stupid... i wanted a physical reason to cry, i wanted to make all of the emotional pain go away. What am i going to do the next time i can't get ahold of her, when i am alone? I am scare.... i am really scared!!!!
Posted by geri122 on June 9, 2004, at 13:58:38
In reply to Re: Baby Steps » geri122, posted by LynneDa on June 9, 2004, at 13:44:49
i9 can't talk to my mom... they don't know what the hell i am feeling.. i tryed to explain to my mom she thinks its hormons. Try to explain to my dad thats real funny. he won't listen to me. I hate him soo much it makes me sick to think about it. i had to relive th pain.. now i can say this is why i hurt!
Posted by LynneDa on June 9, 2004, at 14:09:15
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on June 9, 2004, at 13:58:38
Geri - you don't need to give yourself a reason to hurt, you already have one!! I know your dad won't listen to you, but I thought you'd made some headway with your mom. Your mom's right - it is very hormone related, but that doesn't solve the problem! You obviously need relief from the hyped up state your hormones put you in. I can totally relate cuz I am on the other end of the hormonal thing and it is no picnic!
Can you write anything down and give it to your mom - being really specific and factual, taking all the feeling words out of it. Like, coming out and asking her what you're doing to cause their behavior & what they expect of you in order for them to change? It's almost like making a contract. If I do this behavior (or don't do a certain behavior), then I get that from you.
I know you're not in any state of mind to think abut any of this right now since it is fresh and you are upset. Really think about what you can and can't abide in their behavior toward you and ask them to do the same about you.
I hope you can write your mom a note. I hope you don't hurt yourself anymore, it's just not worth it sweetie!
Please hang in there and know that in a few years all of this part of your life will be over and you will be on your own, able to make your own decisions and decide what will or will not control you.
Hang in there, I wish I could intercede on your behalf with your parents. I wish there was a teacher or counselor who could too!
Keep writing if it makes you feel better. Maybe try your friend back again. Friends are usually pretty forgiving when there's a new crisis brewing!
{{{{{Geri}}}}}
~ Lynne>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
i9 can't talk to my mom... they don't know what the hell i am feeling.. i tryed to explain to my mom she thinks its hormons. Try to explain to my dad thats real funny. he won't listen to me. I hate him soo much it makes me sick to think about it. i had to relive th pain.. now i can say this is why i hurt!
Posted by sfmom on June 9, 2004, at 16:00:59
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by LynneDa on June 9, 2004, at 14:09:15
Oh Geri, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this! It just sucks that you and your parents can't communicate more effectively. But please keep in mind that it is a communication error, not a lack of love, and it can be improved.
Have you been able to reach your friend? Would you have been able to not cut yourself if you had been able to reach her? If so, maybe you can work out a system with her that you'll be able to reach her in an emergency. Would it help if you could call me instead of cutting yourself? Just let me know and I'll e-mail my cell phone number. I have it with me almost all the time.
I know that it doesn't seem like it now, but Lynne's right, in a few years or even less this will all be a bad memory. You will come through this!!! Don't lose perspective! But I know how much it sucks while you're in it.
As for your mom. Okay, she thinks it's hormones, which is definitly a part of it. So maybe she'll be open to you talking to a gynacologist about these "homonal problems" and then the doctor could deal with your parents if she decides that medication would help you. Just an idea because I know you were worried about your parents finding out if you went to a doctor or were put on medication. I have to tell you though, the medication made a world of difference for me.
Please keep us posted. And please don't hurt yourself. I promise that it won't help you.
Love, Lyssa
Posted by tterees on June 9, 2004, at 21:53:54
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on June 9, 2004, at 13:58:38
Oh Geri honey,
Your message is listed under a heading called "baby steps". 10 years ago, when I first started therapy, I thought "baby steps" was something my therapist had thought up all by himself. And I thought "I can do this". One step, one day, one thought at a time. Obviously you have heard this, and obviously you have done some baby stepping -- you are still here!
Oh honey, please don't hurt yourself. If you can't talk to your mom or dad, write it down. Imagine what you would want them to say, what you would want them to do. And then take that dream and if you can, do it yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself. Becoming a woman, becoming an adult is hard, but wonderful. Please believe me.
Posted by geri122 on June 25, 2004, at 11:08:43
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by tterees on June 9, 2004, at 21:53:54
I have a problem... this time it is not with my family.. but guy issues. You know a simple everyday teenage girl thing.
For the past 6 months or so i have been talking to this guy. We are just friends but we care about each other deeply. He graduated this year and will be going off to school in August.... far from here. He asked me out and i told him no. I don't know why. I know that at anytime i change my mind we would be together but i don't know what is stopping me. Is it the college thing... the fact that i care about him so much i don't want to get hurt or hurt him... or is it the fact that he is not white. I mean im not racist, far from it. I have acually had relations with those of another color. but some did not like that. My parents... those in the community. They don't appreciate it. which is understandable but why am i allowing that to make my decisions. I don't know... but the problem is he broke up with his girl for me and i won't even give him a chance. He is lonley and needs someone. His grandfather just died and he needs me more then anything and i can;t be there for him. I don't know what to do. i feel hurt because i am hurting him. i can't deal with that because i don't want to trigger another break down!
Posted by LynneDa on June 25, 2004, at 11:30:41
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on June 25, 2004, at 11:08:43
Hi sweetie, it's good to hear from you! You do have a dilemna. My first reaction was - you're right, don't get involved, he's leaving in a couple of months and the separation will hurt, plus all the complications of a long distance relationship, etc. It would be hard for me to just "be friends" for a couple of months or to keep it casual enough that it wouldn't hurt when he left.
You are such a nurturing, kind person who wants to do the right thing and that's commendable :-). Hurting others is never easy. But, you have to look longer-term and decide what is best. The easy thing to do right now is to give in and have a relationship with him. The hard thing is to say no because of any pain you might feel in the future, after he leaves.
Or, the other alternative is that maybe you two can handle a long-distance relationship and it might work out okay. It's something the 2 of you should discuss.
The race thing is hard and it's completely understandable that it would play into your decision. It's a real consideration in our culture, no matter how un-prejudiced you are personally. There are consequences of ostracization and negative comments for inter-racial couples unfortunately. I think SFMom would have something to say on this matter that would be more informed than my thoughts, though. I hope she responds!
Yes, you have been in a weakened emotional state in the past year and yes you may get yourself in a way emotionally that you could lose it over this. But, maybe this situation was given to you to prove how strong you can be. That you will work through the issues one way or another and be okay with your decision because you know whatever you decide is the best thing for the both of you.
I hope this helps somewhat! Let us know what you decide.
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Posted by sfmom on June 25, 2004, at 12:40:00
In reply to Re: Baby Steps » geri122, posted by LynneDa on June 25, 2004, at 11:30:41
Geri, I'm so glad to hear from you--I've missed you. In spite of the difficult situation you're in, I am really glad that you have found someone that you trust and feel comfortable with. I hope you will remain friends with this guy even if a romantic relationship doesn't work out.
But you are in a tough situation. I completely understand not wanting to put your heart on the line and risk getting hurt or left behind. I also really admire your self control, it's never been a strong suit of mine!
As far as the race issue, I know there are still a lot of people who are uncomfortable with interracial relationships. I'm white and my husband is black (and our daughter is light brown). And even in a big city like San Francisco we've encountered stupid people. It's a decision you have to make for yourself but I'd ask you to keep in mind that the reason that most people are uncomfortable is that it's not something they are used to seeing around them. So, the more examples of normal people in normal relationships that just happen to be of different races (or same sex, etc.) that people are exposed to, the more people will realize that it's just not a big deal and that we're all human and that any time people come together in love and friendship, it's a good thing. So, that's my little spiel on the subject. But like I said, it's a personal decision.
I guess your situation pretty much boils down to whether a couple of months of happiness with this guy will be worth the pain of having him leave for college in the fall. It might and it might not be worth it and you also have to decide if you think you would be able to handle it if you fall in love and he still leaves. If something like that would put you over the edge, then it might not be worth it to take the chance. BUT, if we don’t risk hurt, how would we ever fall in love and get all the wonderful things that come with it? The circumstances may differ, but this will be a decision you will be confronted with your whole life.
Whatever you decide to do, we’ll support you 100%. Please let us know a little more about this guy too! Write again soon!
Lyssa (about to no longer be SF mom because we bought a house and are moving to the suburbs! What should I change my screen name to?)
Posted by LynneDa on June 25, 2004, at 12:53:57
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by sfmom on June 25, 2004, at 12:40:00
Hi Lyssa - I knew you'd have some good advice!! I'm glad to hear you're moving, it seems like it was something you'd been looking into for some time. Why not just use your daughter's name? You'll always be her mom wherever you live :-).
Take care!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.