![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 53. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 1:52:10
Friends - I've been fighting to keep my head above water. Many of you have been so kind with your posts and compassion. I'm losing this war. This cancer called depression is overtaking me and I have no more strength. I am alone. I have seen too many doctors, been on too many medications.
I'm down to 75mg Effexor XR. Trazadone & Ambien for sleep - but I just have horrific nightmares and wake up with every muscle tensed.
My life is devoid of life, pleasure, desire, want, need, etc. I can remember saying to myself when I first was diagnosed with depression when I was 20 that "I didn't want to still be suffering when I was in my 30's..." I'm 32 now.
There are no more answers. There is nothing for me. I'm not where I wanted to be in life. I'm just suffering.
I'm not making a difference in life. I wrote my parents again to tell them I most likely won't last much longer.
My life has gotten consistantly worse to a point of no return. I can't turn back time and I haven't the strength to battle biology. The only way out is, well, you know.
I don't think God likes me. Do I beleive in a God? I've been kicked too many times when I'm down like this and...I cannot bare it any longer.
I'm not writing this for sympathy....I just know you all understand.
I want to be free of these chains....
free, free
Thanks all
Jerry
Posted by EERRIICC on October 17, 2004, at 4:43:38
In reply to I can't hold on...., posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 1:52:10
Please, don't take your life. This illness is just a sadistic little child that will be quickly forgotten when you feel better; and you will feel better, you don't have to believe it for it to happen. You will be OK. There are things you haven't tried, doctors you haven't spoken too. There are many, many success stories from people who have come to the end of the line, and then found excactly what they needed. By virtue of the length and endurance of your suffering you now have the rare capacity to appreciate the true beauty of life, and love; even if you can't at the moment. You will get better. You are not alone.
Eric
Posted by jujube on October 17, 2004, at 8:07:35
In reply to I can't hold on...., posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 1:52:10
Oh Jerry, you are still too young to give up hope. You have to hang on. You are probably experiencing Effexor withdrawals (I've been hearing that nightmares and muscle tension are a common withdrawal effects). Perhaps you can see if your pdoc would agree to your starting the Cymbalta while you finish your wean off Effexor. Also, maybe the Trazadone is causing some problems. I had been given Trazadone for sleep, and even a small dose of 25 mg left me emotionally drained and exhausted until about noon the next day. I only took it for three nights, and although it did help with sleep, it left me emotionally void.
Jerry, please don't give up. There are so many options out there - from pharmaceuticals to natural alternatives, or a combination of the two. You need to continue to work with your doctor to ensure that no stone is left unturned.
Tamara
> Friends - I've been fighting to keep my head above water. Many of you have been so kind with your posts and compassion. I'm losing this war. This cancer called depression is overtaking me and I have no more strength. I am alone. I have seen too many doctors, been on too many medications.
>
> I'm down to 75mg Effexor XR. Trazadone & Ambien for sleep - but I just have horrific nightmares and wake up with every muscle tensed.
>
> My life is devoid of life, pleasure, desire, want, need, etc. I can remember saying to myself when I first was diagnosed with depression when I was 20 that "I didn't want to still be suffering when I was in my 30's..." I'm 32 now.
>
> There are no more answers. There is nothing for me. I'm not where I wanted to be in life. I'm just suffering.
>
> I'm not making a difference in life. I wrote my parents again to tell them I most likely won't last much longer.
>
> My life has gotten consistantly worse to a point of no return. I can't turn back time and I haven't the strength to battle biology. The only way out is, well, you know.
>
> I don't think God likes me. Do I beleive in a God? I've been kicked too many times when I'm down like this and...I cannot bare it any longer.
>
> I'm not writing this for sympathy....I just know you all understand.
>
> I want to be free of these chains....
>
> free, free
>
> Thanks all
> Jerry
Posted by crazychickuk on October 17, 2004, at 8:58:30
In reply to I can't hold on...., posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 1:52:10
Aww bless you, yo uare where i was 2 mnths ago..... please dont give up... there is something out there.. have you tryed an moi ? like nardil or parnate? plse ggo to the doctors tommorrow write down what going on and hand it to him/her.... plse plse
Posted by Guy on October 17, 2004, at 12:23:23
In reply to I can't hold on...., posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 1:52:10
A lot of people have been pulled out of suicidal depression by Zyprexa. It's an atypical anti-psychotic that regulates mood and really helps with sleep. Have you tried this?
Posted by Michael Bell on October 17, 2004, at 13:56:00
In reply to I can't hold on...., posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 1:52:10
We're all here to support you in your time of need, so please never forget that you have a support system filled with people who care about your wellbeing. I know you may feel like you've tried everything under the sun to combat your negative feelings, but there are so many drugs out there, so many coming in the pipeline, so many psychological approaches to treating depression. You will find something to help you, I'm confident in that.
I noticed that many of the things you mentioned you're feeling (or not feeling) resemble the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. Have you tried Amisulpride yet? It's supposed to be very good in combatting dysthimia and anhedonia, and my own experience with the med complement the studies.
Posted by Jasmineneroli on October 17, 2004, at 14:04:53
In reply to Re: I can't hold on...., posted by Guy on October 17, 2004, at 12:23:23
Jerry:
This really is the Effexor withdrawal talking.
You may need to go up a little in the dose, temporarily - can you call your Dr. asap???
The problem with weaning off one AD, when you have depression as severe as yours, is that there is nothing taking its place. Sometimes people take Prozac to help...you will need your Dr's advice and help. I've also read that taking Benadryl (or some other old style <drowsy> antihistamine) can help with the withdrawal too.
Check the Effexor withdrawal threads. I think it's a pretty evil drug to get off.
Can you get out and go for a walk and buy a magazine or something? Light and silly/cheesey reading. Not a newspaper with depressing stories.
Distract yourself, if you can.
I wish I could come and visit you!
Support, as always.
Jas
Posted by TomG on October 17, 2004, at 15:49:40
In reply to Re: I can't hold on...., posted by Jasmineneroli on October 17, 2004, at 14:04:53
"If you're going through hell keep going"
-Winston Churchill
Posted by dancingstar on October 17, 2004, at 19:24:57
In reply to I can't hold on...., posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 1:52:10
Hey Jerry,
I don't know anything about your background, but if you've been quitting Effexor I know you must be very brave. I've never been through anything so painful.
I do believe in God, not in the traditionally religious way, but probably more than most people, certainly as much as the most traditionally religious types. Every time I think I know the answer to something, every time I give up completely, every time I am disappointed beyond all hope, it seems as though some hardly visible ray of light peaks in from somewhere I couldn't have imagined. It's usually curiosity that allows me to open the door, a door that sets me off in a direction that I couldn't have planned and never would have expected and right in the middle of tears and sorrow, just when I am sure that nothing good can ever again happen, I'm off on a new adventure. Surely this has to be God intervening on my behalf.
Mistakes? I'm in my forties, and I've started over more times than I'd like to admit. In some ways mistakes are a sign of living life properly.
Don't let others define who you should or should not be. That is enough to make anyone depressed. Try to be outside, maybe, a run? a walk? rollerblading? Kickboxing? Things that make you feel alive!I'm completely serious about this: You feel horrible because of the drug withdrawal. Keep at it! I am starting to feel better, and I'm almost into my third week. If you have a true, chemical depression, see a brilliant doctor, someone completely supportive of you -- even if it costs you money. Find the money if you don't have it because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! Thing is that you deserve to feel terrific, and right now you just don't. You hurt. If by any chance you are feeling badly because someone else is judging you or you are trying to hold yourself up to someone else's standards rather than allowing yourself to be the most perfect guy that you already are, you need to let that person leave your life. You do not need them around while you are busy rebuilding your strength. They are robbing your very valuable energy. I don't care who they are. They are dangerous to your person.
Get some healthy food, get some exercise, fresh air, water, good health care. Please know that God wants you to be happy and healthy. Anyone that tells you otherwise is just full of it!
Posted by woolav on October 17, 2004, at 19:34:34
In reply to Re: I can't hold on.... » jerrympls, posted by Michael Bell on October 17, 2004, at 13:56:00
Hi Jerry, I just wanted to say I have felt the way you are feeling many many times. I went to my first therapist appt. last week. (have only seen pdocs) and he was very positive. I almost felt like it would be a joke going to a therapist, i mean they cant prescribe drugs!! But I thought, hmmmm, Ive been on many diff. meds for years and why am i still thinking about getting help. I dont know if you have seen a therapist or not, but I am personally hoping that I can actually get something out of this. I see him next week and we are going to do something called biofeedback and then start CBT (i am not stopping my meds right now for sure) but I am giving this a chance. I just want you to know or at least remember that there is hope. I swear, I know what you feel like. I have so many times just wanted to sleep forever. But then something keeps me going, perhaps faith. I dont know. Im not real religous. But I think we are all here for a reason Jerry and so are you. Also, do you have a pet? They really are great in bad times. They need you and keep you going when your really down..
Take Care,
Sandy....
Posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 19:42:12
In reply to Re: I can't hold on....yes u can!!, posted by woolav on October 17, 2004, at 19:34:34
I'm running out of faith. I wrote my parents telling them I may not last in the next few days and that they could help by calling to see how I am.
No calls. No emails. No faith.
Jerry
Posted by dancingstar on October 17, 2004, at 19:54:08
In reply to Re: I can't hold on....yes u can!!, posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 19:42:12
Well, that's pretty clear.
I would think that you are more important than what your parents think about you.
Posted by jujube on October 17, 2004, at 20:23:51
In reply to Re: I can't hold on....yes u can!!, posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 19:42:12
Don't run out of faith yet Jerry. Do you have any other relatives (siblings, aunts, uncles . . .) who might provide you with some emotional support? Is there a mental health clinic in your area where you might have access to a support group? It must be difficult to have your parents seemingly turn their back on you. That is when you have to start reaching to other sources of support. There is support out there, you just haven't found it yet. Try to keep hanging on Jerry. You have to make music again.
Tamara
> I'm running out of faith. I wrote my parents telling them I may not last in the next few days and that they could help by calling to see how I am.
>
> No calls. No emails. No faith.
>
> Jerry
Posted by jerrympls on October 18, 2004, at 0:48:41
In reply to Re: I can't hold on....yes u can!! » jerrympls, posted by jujube on October 17, 2004, at 20:23:51
My problems are not entirely the result of my parents, although, when I tell them I want to die and don't hear from them, how am I supposed to feel?
They and some of my "friends" imply that I am making/keeping myself depressed....and I fall back
I trust certain people in my life to be there...and they're not...and I fall back....
My doctor tells me "I'm really busy..." when I call to ask for help with meds....and I fall back...
I don't do anything but fall back and accept what others say about be...feel about me...how they treat me....
They are keeping me depressed and they must pay for what they have done to me.
My Effexor withdrawl is horrible. Brain shocks...dizziness...I can barely drive. I'm having slight visual hallucinations - mostly at night. I drove to a movie tonight and thought another car was beside me....there was no car. I sit at my computer and out of the corner of my eyes I see flashes of light and dark - sometimes makes me think a bug flew past...but no bugs.
I want off of Effexor. But I've been on everything else - MAOI, SSRI, SNRI, Tricyclic, Heterocyclic, simulants, ECT, therapy...why would I want to go on another med?
I would hope no one here leaves me....as friends, relatives and other trusted ones have. I'm all I have...and right now, that's not much.
Thanks for all your posts
Jerry
Posted by crazychickuk on October 18, 2004, at 4:17:38
In reply to Re: I can't hold on....yes u can!! HELP, posted by jerrympls on October 18, 2004, at 0:48:41
hey hey come on now, life is so precious, i understand what you mean about freinds and family and the way doctors are, are you sure you are ready for effexor withdrawl? What you are describing from the withdrawl is what i experienced and many others, Can you get back up and add something else, y ou are very depressed to depressed to come of your meds, please go back on them, have you got a therapist? a counciller? can you get one and talk to him/her, you know you got 100% support from here, we are your freinds, WE are your rock... but plse stay on your meds add something if needed plse come bk talk to us...
Hugs to you
Posted by jerrympls on October 18, 2004, at 4:38:31
In reply to Re: I can't hold on....yes u can!! HELP, posted by crazychickuk on October 18, 2004, at 4:17:38
I have a therapist I see twice a week. He is a good man.
Everyone is stumped as to what to do with me and so am I.
I've been this depressed ON Effexor just as I have going off of it. What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? What did I do wrong? Is this all my fault? Am I keeping myself depressed? Why would I keep myself in such a state of unbearable horror? Why is it all my fault?
Is more ECT the answer? It destroyed my memory once - but is becoming a vegetable better than dying?
If I should go back on meds- which one? I have been on most of them all 2-3 times.
I cannot find anything worth living for - at least not living as I am living now. There is nothing else for me....
nothing
Jerry
Posted by jujube on October 18, 2004, at 13:23:01
In reply to Re: I can't hold on...HELP Effexor w/d, posted by jerrympls on October 18, 2004, at 4:38:31
Jerry, this is not your fault. You can not be held responsible for what your brain chemistry has done to you. And, you can not be held responsible for doctors who are not be agressive in your treatment. What you can do is go to your next appointment (or even call the doctor) armed with information and suggestions of treatments that might be worth pursuing. Don't forget, you have the Cymbalta to try. And, as I mentioned before, Trazadone may be compounding your problem. It's just my opinion, but I found that Trazadone, in the brief time I used it, really brought me down. Also, if you haven't had a complete blood work-up done in a while, it might be something you should consider pursuing with your family doctor. Many physical conditions can bring on depression, including thyroid problems, blood sugar issues (diabetes, hypoglycemia), vitamin and mineral deficiencies, etc. These things should be investigated.
You will find something worth living for. But, right now you are living in fear that you will never be well again. You have to keep telling yourself that you will be well again, and not let the fear take hold of you.
Tamara
> I have a therapist I see twice a week. He is a good man.
>
> Everyone is stumped as to what to do with me and so am I.
>
> I've been this depressed ON Effexor just as I have going off of it. What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? What did I do wrong? Is this all my fault? Am I keeping myself depressed? Why would I keep myself in such a state of unbearable horror? Why is it all my fault?
>
> Is more ECT the answer? It destroyed my memory once - but is becoming a vegetable better than dying?
>
> If I should go back on meds- which one? I have been on most of them all 2-3 times.
>
> I cannot find anything worth living for - at least not living as I am living now. There is nothing else for me....
>
> nothing
>
> Jerry
Posted by jujube on October 18, 2004, at 13:32:03
In reply to Re: I can't hold on....yes u can!! HELP, posted by jerrympls on October 18, 2004, at 0:48:41
If your parents and friends are implying that you are making/keeping yourself depressed, then they don't really understand the nature of your illness. Nobody wants to feel like this, and we struggle each day trying to get well. If your doctor says he/she is too busy to talk to you, then maybe you should start looking for a new doctor. It is beyond me how a doctor can prescribe medication for depression and not provide adequate access/follow-up to ensure the patient is responding to the medication in a satisfactory manner. Remember, your doctor works for you. If you are having problems getting your message to the doctor regarding your treatment, perhaps your therapist can call on your behalf.
As for the Effexor withdrawal, if you look at previous threads, you will see that people have been helped in their withdrawal with things like Benadryl, niacinimide, Omega 3's, etc. to reduce the severity.
Tamara
> My problems are not entirely the result of my parents, although, when I tell them I want to die and don't hear from them, how am I supposed to feel?
>
> They and some of my "friends" imply that I am making/keeping myself depressed....and I fall back
>
> I trust certain people in my life to be there...and they're not...and I fall back....
>
> My doctor tells me "I'm really busy..." when I call to ask for help with meds....and I fall back...
>
> I don't do anything but fall back and accept what others say about be...feel about me...how they treat me....
>
> They are keeping me depressed and they must pay for what they have done to me.
>
> My Effexor withdrawl is horrible. Brain shocks...dizziness...I can barely drive. I'm having slight visual hallucinations - mostly at night. I drove to a movie tonight and thought another car was beside me....there was no car. I sit at my computer and out of the corner of my eyes I see flashes of light and dark - sometimes makes me think a bug flew past...but no bugs.
>
> I want off of Effexor. But I've been on everything else - MAOI, SSRI, SNRI, Tricyclic, Heterocyclic, simulants, ECT, therapy...why would I want to go on another med?
>
> I would hope no one here leaves me....as friends, relatives and other trusted ones have. I'm all I have...and right now, that's not much.
>
> Thanks for all your posts
> Jerry
Posted by crazychickuk on October 18, 2004, at 14:02:30
In reply to Re: I can't hold on...HELP Effexor w/d » jerrympls, posted by jujube on October 18, 2004, at 13:23:01
Ok jerry this is not your fault at all, My advice to you would be to have a word with your therapist, if you got 5 minutes before hand write down everything, print out what you told us, and list all your meds and combos down and ask your therapist for help, tell him you cant do this alone etc.... there IS something out there that will get you out this d eep black hole DEFO something ... DONT GIVE UP .... Luv you
hugs
Donna
do keep us infomred
Posted by jerrympls on October 19, 2004, at 8:15:30
In reply to I can't hold on...., posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 1:52:10
I'm supposed to start Cymbalta today. Do I? or Don't I? I've read a lot of posts about Cymbalta causing excessive drowsiness & irritability AND loss of all sexual desire.
I've also read one post where someone has had no side effects at all.
I'm torn.
Anyone?
Jerry
Posted by jujube on October 19, 2004, at 8:33:05
In reply to Re: I can't hold on...., posted by jerrympls on October 19, 2004, at 8:15:30
Jerry,
Only you can decide whether or not to start Cymbalta. However, if you don't start, you may be missing out on your chance for relief. I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't turn my back on something that could potentially help me. And, don't be discouraged. Remember, you will likely still be going through some Effexor withdrawal when you start the Cymbalta. So, be patient. Give it time to get the Effexor out of your system and for the Cymbalta to start working. Don't give up hope Jerry. Keep the faith that things will get better.
Tamara
> I'm supposed to start Cymbalta today. Do I? or Don't I? I've read a lot of posts about Cymbalta causing excessive drowsiness & irritability AND loss of all sexual desire.
>
> I've also read one post where someone has had no side effects at all.
>
> I'm torn.
>
> Anyone?
>
> Jerry
Posted by jerrympls on October 19, 2004, at 9:05:40
In reply to Re: I can't hold on.... » jerrympls, posted by jujube on October 19, 2004, at 8:33:05
> Jerry,
>
> Only you can decide whether or not to start Cymbalta. However, if you don't start, you may be missing out on your chance for relief. I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't turn my back on something that could potentially help me. And, don't be discouraged. Remember, you will likely still be going through some Effexor withdrawal when you start the Cymbalta. So, be patient. Give it time to get the Effexor out of your system and for the Cymbalta to start working. Don't give up hope Jerry. Keep the faith that things will get better.
>
> Tamara
>
>
> > I'm supposed to start Cymbalta today. Do I? or Don't I? I've read a lot of posts about Cymbalta causing excessive drowsiness & irritability AND loss of all sexual desire.
> >
> > I've also read one post where someone has had no side effects at all.
> >
> > I'm torn.
> >
> > Anyone?
> >
> > Jerry
>
>Thanks tamara....you've been such great support....
Jerry
Posted by jujube on October 19, 2004, at 10:06:47
In reply to Re: I can't hold on.... » jujube, posted by jerrympls on October 19, 2004, at 9:05:40
It is my pleasure Jerry. I hope that in the weeks ahead things start to improve for you. Grab hold of the hope that things will get better and don't let go. Remember, to every thing there is a season . . . Let's hope that the season will be changing for you real soon.
Take good care.
Tamara
Posted by sundancer on October 19, 2004, at 12:42:47
In reply to Re: I can't hold on...., posted by jerrympls on October 19, 2004, at 8:15:30
Jerry,
I want you to know I ave been reading your posts the last few days and even if I can't imagine what you might be going through my heart is breaking as I read your pain and despair. My thoughts are with you alot - even though I don't know you - and I pray to God to be with you in this difficult time. You have friends in all over the place, Jerry, and we hold our breath as you pass through this dark passage. Don't let go Jerry, don't let your spirit be broken. Hold on please. I am one who was left by a dear close friend in suicide - it was ten years ago this June and I will never live it down. Don't end your life Jerry. We are here to help.
Lena
Posted by corafree on October 19, 2004, at 17:26:29
In reply to I can't hold on...., posted by jerrympls on October 17, 2004, at 1:52:10
Yes and you will. Please, if I will, you. I'm at the end too, it feeellllsss. But can't you remember when things changed in a day? It can happen again. Hold on to me and to the friends here.
To anyone that responded to URGE,PLAN,TOOLS by Corafree, I'm hanging on, but my daughter's baby may be lung-compromised, and I'm trying to assist (while practically unable to assist myself). Dr. Bob has sent your posts to I think social babble and all are coming up 'can not find', so excuse no replies.
JERRY .... I'M IN THE SAME BOAT .... HELP ME STEADY THAT BOAT BY STAYING IN THE BOAT WITH ME!!!!! WE'LL MAKE IT SO SHORE God bless Jerry, fill his heart and mind with peace, walk for him, talk for him, in your name. cf
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.