Posted by alexandra_k on January 13, 2005, at 18:51:09
In reply to alexandra_k, posted by Jai Narayan on January 12, 2005, at 21:47:37
I am ok. Sad, but ok.
I have been thinking about different lenses.
It is like I have many pairs of glasses with different lenses.
You look through the lenses and see the world.
When things get rough for me these are the lenses that I see the world through.
If I could see the nature of the distortion
It may have less power over me.
But it doesn't feel like a distortion.
When I am happy it isn't because I see that this one is false or distorted,
it is just that I am looking through another (distorted, but in a healthy way no doubt).
This feels like the lens of cold, hard, reality.
The truth about what I must do
when I am distressed
I can't see my way around it.
I don't see what else is to be done
I get scaired I will do something stupid
But I cannot ask for help
Because people will not
They do not want to hear.
So I do it for me
As best I can
And try to fight and tone down the panic
As it almost consumes me.
There appears to be no other way.
The world can be a harsh cold place.
Babble can be a refuge
But it is inaccessible to me at times like that.
And that only contributes to the problem.
I don't know Jai, I am kind of just venting.
I am sorry this is so hard and depressing to read.
I am ok - I am not planning on doing anything.
I promise you that. I just thought someone might have something helpful to say... A
nd people do.
My wonderful friend Ja*