Posted by AMD on May 9, 2005, at 15:14:50
In reply to Re: chemist: alcohol? how much? » AMD, posted by chemist on May 9, 2005, at 2:29:03
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> *** i hope you get some rest: aside from the implications of an unpleasant pattern emerging, you are being rather proactive (in my opinion) and addressing the issues before your weekend is a seven-day-long affair...*****My current psychiatrist has told me flat out she doesn't deal with drug problems: which means in being honest with her Wednesday, my next appointment, I risk having to find a new doctor. I'm sure she'll have some pointers, but I was very comfortable with her, so it will be disappointing to have to search once more for the right psychiatrist.
> **** whatever the reason(s), the mixing and matching is not helping...nor is the guilt, which i see as being as detrimental at this point as a big night on the town. again, it comes down to things that can be chosen and things that must be worked upon with vigor. if you can eliminate one chemical variable from the mix every so often, you make the big picture much clearer to yourself..***
I woke up today extremely tired, very spaced-out, and generally distressed. Now that I'm at the office, things are a bit better. But I still have that lingering "you f'd up your brain, buddyboy!" in the back of my mind. Mental exercise helps. Mental exercise and some hope. It's the latter that's difficult to scrounge up.
I also have this feel I'll look zombified for the rest of my life. See Charlie Sheen. Notice the emptiness in his eyes. Am I headed for the same fate? Am I already there?
> **** you've got the guilts, my chum. throw in a jumbo chemical cocktail + hangover and some depression and there you have it: a recipe that is good for many days thereafter...****
Seventy two hours and counting. Still feeling more-or-less horrible, but hoping in a day or two I'll start feeling better.
> **** next time i come north, i'll meet you in newark and introduce you to my dead friends, as we
Seriously, it'd be great to see you! You and Larry are my saviors. My forte is technology, but I've picked up a couple chemistry books given my heightened interest in the subject. So much to learn.
With regard to learning, interesting article in today's New Yorker on how "pop culture" may actually be making us more intelligent in certain areas. Complexity of TV programs today (filling in the blanks, etc.), more social interaction with and more challening video games, and so forth. You might find it interesting.
I say no, no way I'll do smack or crank. But the fact that I didn't think twice about the bump of K, and that, now, it's really freaking me out (at least I /know/ how cocaine will affect my body and the prognosis of recovery following a binge), well -- who knows?
> **** listen to larry. and listen to me about the next step you might have taken. the k is the least of your problems. you do not know if you even did the drug advertised, and the quantity was miniscule. you could be headed for a bigger ride
It was definitely K -- but the quantity was rather small, and I didn't feel /any/ effect from it. I wonder if the SSRI or other medications I'm taking actually blocked its effects, much like they block the effects of MDMA (I popped three ecstacy tablets one night with no discernable effect). In any case, given that I certainly didn't have an out-of-body experience, nor trouble standing up, I am hoping its overall influence on my brain was minimal.
> **** you will not change the location of the bar, methinks: whether your relationship weathers
Here I'm not sure I agree. I think there are triggers in certain places where I used to indulge a few years ago before it became a problem -- certain people too, who frequent these places. So I think in some way the "scene," as it's lovingly called, somehow triggers in me a desire to take drugs that in other places might not be triggered.
[Disgression: Is it me, or do I sound illiterate in these postings? Clear evidence something was knocked around.]
> **** i would be disappointed if the dialog came to a halt, personally. and i do not claim to be anything more than a scientist with a stack of reasonably well-read and reviewed sources in my possession when i state that a google search on anything drug-related == cat >& /dev/null.
I agree on this -- a Google search is about the worst thing I could do. I spend ten hours online searching for "ketamine and brain damage" and, yep, got all the links you did. Where do you think I came up with Olney's lesions? Anyhow, now I'm afraid to search again. I'll just hope your knowledge of this is more accurate than The Good Drug Guide ... I have a hunch it is.
ringing endorsement for giving yourself at least 3 months - and longer - of daily heroin use to see if you get hooked.
I assume this is bad advice ... what about the 2-3 months to get "hooked" -- is there any basis in fact for that? (I assume, then, that one bump of ketamine would be rather benign -- knock on wood.)
*** you can ask google or your
dealer about smack, and you'll get a more honest answer from your dealer; ***Now that's funny, chemist. :-)
Well ... sounds to me I need to send a little SIGTERM to my nasty powdery habit.
amd
poster:AMD
thread:492031
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050506/msgs/495622.html