Posted by Jay_Clockwork_Angels on November 22, 2010, at 19:00:36
In reply to Re: Apologies, posted by Dr. Bob on November 21, 2010, at 18:07:38
> > Trouble is... that we can't 'make' someone 'see' their behavior and the harm it causes. Many people are stuck in long-standing behavior patterns that are (mis)driven by some need they have, and they really don't 'get' how much harm they might be causing.
> >
> > 'Forgiveness' is just as tricky as apology. An apology that is not accompanied by acknowledgment and then followed by a change in behavior isn't an apology in my eyes. ... What I really love is when someone repeatedly commits the same offense over and over, and glibbly apologizes over and over.. then when you get fed up and tell them it's 'over' they say "Well! You're not very forgiving!" good grief.
> >
> > Forgiveness does NOT let the other party off the hook. ... We have control over some consequences some times. If someone repeatedly hurts us by saying bad things about us to others, we can't make them feel bad or make them change, but we Can cut off the relationship. ... I've finally learned that 'bout the only thing I can do is first, go to that person and explain how their behavior affected me. If they respond in a way that tells me they want to make amends, I'll give them another chance. If they do it again, I might talk to them again and pull away.. but after the third time.. my options are limited ... We have no control over what others choose to do, but we do have control over how much we expose ourselves to them.
>
> I can identify. :-)
>
> BobWell, if I can throw in my 2.6 (Canadian) cents...I believe it is possible to hold a "never say never" stance. This is why I don't believe much in behaviouralism. That is, because, I think our social mores, personal philisophical values..okay, our social conscience... deserves much more attention than it gets. What you think the consequences should be for something requiring an apology is a similar framework used for larger questions like "Do you believe in the death penalty?". You most likely do or don't believe in it because of the values and such that you hold.
Bob, I think you would agree, that there are *never* no options. Yes, that comes from my personal philosophy, but I think is required consideration by both the "victim" and the "perpetrator", at some point in time. Otherwise...the whole world will go blind..etc...(sorry..just had to add that)
IMHO..YMMV..etc..
Jay
Dx-Affliction of the Human Condition NOS (SOL!:) *thank you 10der :)hahh -
Prozac 20mg x4 daily
Lyrica 150x2
Risperdal 1mg
Zyprexa 5mg
Clonazepam 1mg 4x daily
Melatonin 3mg
poster:Jay_Clockwork_Angels
thread:970920
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20101122/msgs/971026.html