Posted by surfergirl on July 5, 2009, at 11:12:42
In reply to Re: need strength re toxic birth mom ??**trigger**??, posted by MidnightBlue on July 3, 2009, at 23:06:16
Hi Midnightblue,
thank you for all your encouragement!
> You don't owe your birth mom anything. Your Mom is dead. Your birth mom wants to be something she can never be. That is partly why she gave you up for adoption. She KNEW she couldn't be a mom to you.
>I have to remind my self that I don't owe her again & again. It is good to hear that from someone else. During her pregnancy she drank a 5th a day. I was lucky that she gave me up. When she was sober just over 10 years is when she contacted me.
> This is so like what happend to my adopted daughter when her birth mom found her. She promised her all these things and wanted a mother/daughter or sister/sister relationship. They aren't speaking now, and my daughter is much more at peace.
>
I appreciate you sharing about your daughter. Adoption re-unions are not always an Oprah perfect story. I am sure that sometimes they can work out though. I have thought that if my parents were alive, all this would have been over years ago. I keep longing & hoping for that mother connection & it just is not going to happen with her.> Keep her phone number and address, open her letters, but keep an emotional and physical distance for your sake and your childrens.
>Funny, even my teenage & adult children are against me seeing her. When I told them of the proposed get together the response was "Why?"
> I hope this helps.
Helps a lot. thanks,
mary
poster:surfergirl
thread:904810
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090624/msgs/905059.html