Psycho-Babble Social | for general support | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: Not such a good Memorial Day for me. SLS

Posted by verne on May 27, 2009, at 19:58:24

In reply to Not such a good Memorial Day for me., posted by SLS on May 26, 2009, at 0:06:49

Hi Scott,

"I have very few social contacts. I am not a participant in life and do very little to keep myself connected with the outside world." you could be describing me.

Holidays hit me hard. I can't count the times I've blown months of sobriety on a holiday. 3-day weekends are especially rough since the mail stops and neighbors tend to make more noise with backyard social gatherings.

I don't have anything encouraging or insightful to say. Just to say I'm going through much the same. I usually take refuge in watching TV but that's hard on Memorial Day with all the war movies. My dad was a war "hero" who looked and acted like John Wayne. My idea of self-inflicted torture is to watch a John Wayne war movie. One of the last things may dad said to me, invalidating me forever, was: "You don't know what pain is!"

My life is really just a carousel in which I rotate from bed, to computer, to TV: again and again, round and round. Sometimes I peek outside. My few interactions with other people are later exaggerated in my head. I can agonize over a phone call or chance encounter for hours. I've actually called someone to apologize for having called them earlier.

It got so bad during one summer of complete isolation, that I routinely called the police to complain about odd noises and other fears. I even called to complain about a persistent humming noise.

Other times I called to ask the police whether I was wanted for anything or about to be arrested, although I have no criminal record and wasn't engaged in anything illegal. Isolation, more than anything, did that to me.

When you say, "I now realize just how successful I have been to be so positive and constructive regarding my predicament in life. For the most part, I have been successful at avoiding suicidal depressions. I am usually very grateful for all of the gifts I have been given. I am usually optimistic about my future. I am usually tolerant of being alone." that also describes me.

I'm depressed but not suicidal - in spite of my winter vodka deep freeze "accident" fantasy. There's still a hope and gratitude that you describe. I, too, am optimistic about my future.

Like you, I'm tolerant of being alone and can go weeks without any human contact yet I'm somehow needy at the same time. I guess that's why I post at all. Yet my need for solitude is also strong and could explain my constant quest to be blocked. (still think a year is excessive except in my case - I'm a bull in a china shop and deserve a long banishment)

I'm named after my uncle who was shot down over Europe in WWII, another reason Memorial Day isn't my favorite. But all holidays, especially, the 3 day marathons, are painful. Next stop, July 4th. Nothing like being under attack by all the neighbors launching fireworks for two weeks.

I'll shut up.





Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Social | Framed

poster:verne thread:897717