Posted by 64Bowtie on June 26, 2008, at 8:42:41
In reply to Re: I must be naive, posted by Dinah on June 25, 2008, at 22:45:57
(((Dinah)))...
Nahhh... Naive is not a word I connect to my mental picture of y'alls...
'course, it is written, that other-respect has no traction in the absense of self-respect... Sounds like a platitude, however, until I got my brain around that "rule", everyone was fair game... No one was safe from my wrath, no matter how misguided and ill-advised it might have been...
See, when I didn't get my "2 year-old" needs met (I want what I want when I want it), I would mistakenly misdirect the light of enlightnement onto everybody and everything... Got me into trouble, caused lost loves and friendships, and to what end???
I NEVER GOT ANY NEEDS MET!!! ...no how no way!!!
You claim naivite'... It may have been over 30 years ago, but I remember the fool that I was... I wasn't like a fool... I wasn't similar to a fool... I was a fool; acting foolishly; the best I could do at the time; a time when I didn't see any need to picture myself having self-respect, and I didn't have any anyway, so I wouldn't have recognised it if I had it...
I admit (laughingly) to living a boring life; no drugs, no booze, no rock and roll!!! My nose to the grindstone, making my Mom proud of me!!! Before she passed away 15 years ago, she claimed she was plenty proud of me... Matched how I felt about myself... By then I had my Doctorate; smiled like the cat that ate the canary...
Issue is that my self-satisfaction was for what I had done, not for who I was/am... I had already been tearing myself to shreds for about 15 years by that time, and to what avail???
Life is a process of "unfolding"... Not much unfolding had happened yet because I had toooo tight of a grip on my so-called reality... I continue to hear how others had used halucinigens to break themselves free... Not the way I do things... So, it simply took me longer than the others, except most if not all, now continue self-medicating... Again, not my way...
In my notes from 1990, I wrote about the importance of self-respect instead of continueing to jerk myself around over self-esteem... I guess I'm finally getting it!!!
Rod
poster:64Bowtie
thread:836210
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080601/msgs/836536.html