Posted by Kath on August 2, 2007, at 22:03:27
In reply to Re: Tips on DETACHMENT re:Kids? Son'sRehabIntake etc, posted by Fivefires on August 2, 2007, at 21:18:16
> Hey Kath!
>
> I was just watching 'The Queen' and thought I'd check email.
>
> I'm so glad you've gotten something from the post. In writing it, I got something as well.
>
> I'll babble you 2moro.
>
> HaveAGoodEve, 5f
>
............Yup - I really did get a LOT from it.My daughter (clean & sober for about 9 years or maybe more) has been pressuring me for a long time to cut ties with my son until he's clean & sober. She sees him 'taking advantage' of me, using me, etc. And it's true; he does. BUT it's me who lets him!
I want to get healthy enough to be able to set & hold healthy boundaries.
If I 'cut him off' or break contact with him, in a way, it's me doing that to avoid making the same mistakes I've made in the past.
Yes, I'm afraid that I might not be strong enough to say 'no' when I want to. That is a very big fear. And it ends up hurting me and hurting him also.
But if I'm saying 'don't contact me' etc, that isn't loving & it seems like it's me punishing him for my own weakness!!
Thanks for your openness & honesty.
I LOVE what you've written. I like the part also about maybe needing to 'take a break'.
I had been thinking of 'please don't contact me until you're really ready for rehab, or in rehab - whatever. And in a way, the thought of NOT hearing his problems etc & NOT having himm ask me to forward him money etc is VERY appealing.
But what I really want is to be able to be strong enough to hold healthy boundaries.I don't know if I'll be able to!
Kath
poster:Kath
thread:771933
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070707/msgs/773643.html