Posted by TexasChic on January 27, 2006, at 19:15:59
In reply to Re: Bad Day » TexasChic, posted by LegWarmers on January 26, 2006, at 20:46:24
Today was strange. I started out in a pretty good mood, but then something changed. I didn't go out of my way to say anything to the girl I felt was giving me the cold shoulder. We walked past each other several times and she never said a word. I kept to myself most of the time, but chatted with a few people here and there.
I was reading my book on break, when I got to a really sad part and started crying. It was understandable, but I think it may have been a precurser of things to come.
Lunch time rolled around, and I had begun to notice that the two other girls who hang out with cold shoulder girl seemed to be ignoring me too. Then they all went out to lunch together, which just did me in (because they always ask me if they're going out). I started crying for real (my co-workers were all gone to lunch by then). I kept trying to stop and I couldn't. The tears just kept leaking out. I finally went outside and bummed a cigarette off someone and sat out there for a while. Several of my co-workers walked by but didn't seem to see anything strange about me sitting there by myself smoking (when everyone knows I quit).
So I go inside and my eyes are all bloodshot, I'm still crying a little bit, and I just know someone is going to say something. But nobody noticed! People even came up and talked to me and didn't seem to see anything amiss. To be fair though, we do keep our room pretty dark so we don't have a glare on our computer screens (its a graphic artist quirk that NOBODY else seems to comprehend). But I still started feeling weird that nobody noticed. I started HOPING someone would notice! I actually got so far as to try to think of ways to GET people to notice when I realized how twisted that was. I thought, will I EVER be able to maintain friendships without screwing it all up because of my paranoia???
Before the day was over, I ended up at the printer with cold shoulder girl. She chit chatted about work like nothing in the world was wrong! I could only manage a few incomprehensible mumbles. So then I go back to my desk and I'm thinking, did I dream this whole thing up? Am I going looney-tunes? That freaked me out worse than being ignored!
I finally got ahold of myself before the day was over (with the help of a Xanax I found in my desk). There's this one girl who I used to not like because she's loud and always takes over the conversation (I felt like she was the reason I could never get in on the conversations around me, and maybe it was intentional). But she kept trying to bring me into conversations for the rest of the day! It was like bizarro world or something. Everyone was being their opposite.
So anyway, I came home and lost myself in my Stephen King book, and I suddenly realized I feel better. Pretty okay actually. Do I have something wrong with me that I have these spells where I get all paranoid and out of control upset? I just don't understand why its so important one moment, and then not later. Its as if I temporarily slip into the person I am without meds.
Anyway, like I said I'm feeling better other than wondering if I'm INSANE. Luckily I don't think anyone really caught on to the condition I was in, so at least I can go back Monday and act normal. I definitely have to start going to a T again. I'm obviously not out of the woods when it comes to my mental health.
Thanks for listening.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:598840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060124/msgs/603593.html