Posted by alexandra_k on December 31, 2005, at 17:44:31
In reply to I'm sorry, I won't do it again, posted by Deneb on December 31, 2005, at 17:31:27
active passivity:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051215/msgs/591256.html
see... there is a pattern...
'everybody hates me and wants me to die'
or
'everything is hopeless and i just want to die'which tends to elicit other people trying to help you see your way around that...
and sometimes... it helps and you feel a bit better.
and othertimes... you don't get the responses you need and you feel a bit worse.and then...
'i guess i was just bored'
or something like that...then things are okay for a while...
then back to the start.
over and over and over.
if you want to get off...
well. people try and offer you concrete suggestions of things you can do.
most notably
- the medication really did seem to make a big difference with respect to helping prevent you get into a bad place. and helping you figure your way out of that bad place.
- therapy. DBT in particular.
but...
you don't really want to do any of those things.
maybe what you want...
is validation.
but...
that is really hard for other people. it is hard to give a lot of validation to a person who doesn't seem to be doing much (of the concrete variety) towards helping themselves...
and it is your decision...
but i think i see what people mean when they used to tell me 'we can't help someone who doesn't want to help themself'. i mean... what they really should have said / meant to say was that it was too draining for them to try and help me when i wouldn't heed any of their concrete suggestions.
i mean... it is my choice whether i follow the concrete suggestions or not...
but one choice has the consequence that other people are more willing to help...
and the other choice has the consequence that other people tend to give up trying to help...
make sense?
poster:alexandra_k
thread:593665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051225/msgs/593791.html