Posted by Deneb on December 31, 2005, at 1:55:32
I'm scared for myself in the coming months. If all goes well, I will graduate soon. I really need to get my act together now or else I will mess up my life. This time of my life is very important.
I know there will be a lot of stress coming up. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it. I'm afraid I will get desperate and do something really stupid like kill myself. (Not saying that it is stupid for people to kill themselves or that people who kill themselves are stupid, just saying that *I* would be stupid).
I can't see a tangible future for myself and I'm scared. I need to make a future for myself, but won't be able to if I'm so damned unstable all the freaking time. I wish I had some small robot or something who could follow me around 24/7 and made sure that I didn't hurt myself.
Maybe I need more things to look forward to. I often think that I'll kill myself this coming semester, but then I think that I can't because I've gotta meet some of you guys for the babble party. Then I'm worried that I won't have anything to look forward to after the party. I have to plan some things to look forward to. Yes, this is how pathetic my little life is...I've nothing to look forward to except a party with internet strangers.
I so don't understand how I got the way I am now. Nothing really bad happened to me. No abuse, deaths, divorce, or anything... How in the hell did I get so screwed up? Oh yeah, i forgot, I've always been screwed up. I'm starting to think I was born this way. Good golly I was a colicky baby.
Sorry 'bout my rant. Thanks for reading.
Deneb
poster:Deneb
thread:593665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051225/msgs/593665.html