Posted by spoc on May 30, 2004, at 22:39:08
In reply to Re: massive rant about being single » spoc, posted by tabitha on May 30, 2004, at 20:08:57
TOOOOOOOO funny, Tabitha! We do have to seriously wonder what our friends are thinking at those times. But as hard as it is to justify, I think it's all part of that drive that seems to exist in our paired-off friends to "share the joy." And maybe be able to bring us into the fold and double date with us too.
Once when a married friend was intent on fixing me up with someone, she almost had me convinced after weeks. And I had been introduced to the guy at a party and started talking to him on the phone. Then, in her neverending "fortification" of him, she happened to mention that she felt his addiction to strip clubs and prostitutes was only the result of loneliness, and probably being ready for a relationship! She actually said it as casually as that, not even as a warning.
I think it's also funny how impossible of a situation it turns into when single friends don't have chemistry with someone, but think they may be a good prospect for another of their friends. The possibility becomes moot on its face, with suspicions of "leftovers" and "not good enough for you, but good enough for me, huh?" A lot of good men probably get dispensed with that way.
Maybe many women friends share some basic preferences, but in later life (well, I'm 'only' 40ish), without making any resolutions at all, what attracts me to a man really changed. Prior to that, looks had been a pretty considerable part of it. So many of the guys I know my friends would eat alive, don't phase me one iota anymore (but the hand-off is ill fated beyond any legitimate reasons). That's why I say I wouldn't need to meet someone face to face right away (although I would want to see a few unobscured pictures!).
Going on years now, a guy can become wildly attractive to me based on character and personality traits, practically in themselves (how they interact with others is very important to me too). As a matter of fact, I have to admit that when the last boyfriend I had first asked me out, I remarked to a friend that I was a little disturbed that he thought I might be interested. But once I agreed in a bored moment to get together with him, and got to know his real personality, we ended up being together for two years and I loved him to death. Still miss him, though it was star crossed (he was one of those who needed more than I could give).
So! While I would and could never compromise on what attracts me to a man's personality, I guess all of the above bodes well for affording me many more choices than might otherwise be the case! It has been a pattern that when I start seeing someone, my friends might not always get it. But later after they spend some time around us and see how we interact and the kind of person he is, they are genuinely envious as all get out and start to see him as quite physically attractive too! In other words, to see what I see, and wish they could learn to spot the real gems this way too. ;- )
poster:spoc
thread:352101
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040525/msgs/352248.html