Posted by Ilene on May 28, 2004, at 10:56:06
In reply to Re: Dear diary May 27 » Ilene, posted by Angel Girl on May 27, 2004, at 21:56:14
> I want to be normal too. Right now I feel so depressed I don't see it ever happening. :(
> I hope it works for you someday. Then you can tell me what it feels like because I'm never going to be normal again.
> I miss my old life. What did I ever do to deserve this HELL!!! <cries>
> Angel Girl
I don't know what "normal" feels like, either. I know that part of it is thinking about what you are doing, and not about how you are feeling (e.g. depressed or anxious).
I'm feeling more optimistic these days because my meds are working better. I swing from thinking I can tweak them enough to enjoy life the majority of the time, to thinking they are going to poop out and I will be back to near-constant suicidal ideation.
I remember that there was a time when some of my issues didn't bother me as much. They tended to crop up when I was depressed. I was younger, so I didn't have the thoughts of growing old and having lived a void instead of a life.
No one did anything to deserve mental illness. In my case it runs in the family.
The only advice I can give you is to keep trying new meds.