Posted by Ilene on May 31, 2004, at 15:49:28
In reply to Dear diary May 29, posted by Ilene on May 29, 2004, at 22:30:13
Today is actually May 31, but I had kind of a physical melt-down yesterday and didn't have the energy to post. At least I got to bed at a reasonable time.
I figured my daughter wouldn't be very conscious in the morning, it being the morning after her senior prom, so my son and I snuck out to get her a birthday present (and graduation present, and father's day present). Our favorite place to get presents is the Daedalus Book Warehouse
http://www.daedalusbooks.com/Main/Help/WareHouseOutlet.asp
because we are book junkies.I don't give my son his entire allowance; it's the only way I can get him to not spend it all on junk food. This way he has enough to spend on special things for himself and presents for other people.
We took one of our neighbors with us. He doesn't have a lot of friends in the neighborhood because he's a little nutty--he went ballistic about barking dogs a couple of years ago, which alienated a lot of folks--and I suspect he's had some other public eccentricities that pre-date my arrival. But unlike some other people around here he's smart and has some interesting things to talk about. Anyway, he was curious about the place.
We got books for everyone, and I got a couple for myself. I started reading one called "Warrior Women", which is Archaeology Lite. A good thing it's not demanding, because I got very hungry in the store, and was overwhelmed with dizziness and exhaustion soon after we got home, which lasted the rest of the day. I tried to do some laundry but just wasn't up to it.
Feeling sick brought up all the distress and anxiety I have about my physical and emotional disabilities, but at least the book was a distraction, sort of--the author got her undergraduate degree at age 49 and then went on to become an archaeologist, which can be physically demanding. I've had a life-long interest in archaeology and even went to a field school when I was a teenager, but reading about the field conditions in central Asia made me feel my lack of strength and stamina all the more. I know on one level that my ailments are *not my fault* but I feel like I should be able to overcome them anyway. (This is why I hate "inspirational" stories.)
I feel like I've hit a wall, meds wise. I know I'm way improved over where I was a couple of months ago, but now the improvement is over, and I feel I'm backsliding. I'm getting frightened. Is this all there is?
poster:Ilene
thread:325511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040525/msgs/352431.html