Posted by Susan J on April 26, 2004, at 13:34:34
Hiya, everyone.
Was over my parents' briefly this weekend. I was eating an apple, and asked my mother if I was supposed to give the core of the apple to her dog, she said yes. (The dog was begging HUGE). I walked over to him and called out to my mother, "Does he get the whole core?" She said yes.
So I gave him the whole core. Well, that wasn't the right thing to do, Mom usually gives him the core cut up in pieces. I know my question wasn't clear enough. But she started yelling at me because the dog carried it over to the living room rug and proceeded to eat it, dropping bits of apple on the rug. This drove my mother nuts and she was yelling at me, saying I was stupid that I should have known to cut up the core. The dog is 110 pounds, I didn't think a whole apple core would hurt him. She was so upset, she was almost crying, wailing "Oh, SUSAN!"
Anyway, I told her I understood she was upset, that I was sorry, that I'd clean up any mess the dog left on the rug, and I asked her to please not yell at me. She went off on that, almost in a hysterical tone of voice, "I don't have the right to express frustration in MY OWN HOUSE?"
I told her she had every right to express frustration in her own house, that I understood *why* she was upset, but please don't yell at me. Then she said, which is was she ALWAYS says, that I'm just TOO SENSITIVE.
I KNOW I'm very sensitive, so I have doubts about whether it was OK to stand up for myself, which is how I saw it. And her yelling at me puts me in a bad mood for a few hours, at least, after she does it. And she got upset with me again for being in a lousy mood.
I've asked my therapist this same thing before. Does my mother have a right to yell AT me? I'm 37. Was I disrespecting her by asking her not to yell at me? She kept repeating that it was her house. To me, I was only trying to get minimal respect for myself, I wasn't trying to minimize how upset she was.
Am I too sensitive? Was it OK to ask her to not yell at me? There was no doubt she wasn't just mad at the situation, she was mad at *me.*
?
Thanks for any input you have.
Doubting, Low-Self-Esteem Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:340233
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040422/msgs/340233.html