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Re: My family is driving me crazy. » Racer

Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2004, at 22:00:41

In reply to Re: My family is driving me crazy., posted by Racer on March 8, 2004, at 21:18:59

Thanks everyone. Those are all excellent, reasonable suggestions. Unfortunately my father is not a reasonable man. It leads to some funny stories from childhood, but it makes for difficulties now.

Like, he went through cycles of saying he was never going to cook again, and got rid of all the food in the house, and we were going to only eat out. (My mother didn't cook much. I did a lot of it once I was old enough.) Then he'd decide that we were never going to eat out and stock up on tons of food. Or he'd decide he was going to eat nothing but canned peaches.

He doesn't like being dependent, he's ashamed of his wheelchair and doesn't like to have anyone over, and he detests strangers - especially in his house. He's got some reason for that because my mother has hoarding OCD, and he's ashamed. The people who knew him best, and who I could probably convince to drop by unexpectedly so that he would be unable to turn them away, are my bosses. And they're as busy as I am right now, and I don't think they can do it. I do think I'll give my cousin a call. My dad likes her and probably will let her in. He might let her take him out to dinner a few times or visit him. I'll stop by once a day, and maybe my family can take him out a few times.

And just possibly when my mother's gone he'll realize all she does for him and come to his senses about getting someone in to help. He swears up and down that all she does is lie in bed and does nothing to help him and that he'll be just as well off without her.

My mom's church offered to bring him food while she was in the hospital. I'm pretty sure mine would too. But his taste in food is so odd that my mother declined, and I think she's probably right. Sigh.

I'll make time to talk to him a few times on the phone each day. And the neighbors have offered to check in on him from time to time when they heard that my mother was going to be away. Which was awfully nice of them considering that my mother has a running feud going with most of them. Sigh.

And fortunately, he's not completely bound to the chair. He can stand, get in and out of it, and even walk with a walker for short stretches. In a lot of ways he does take care of himself now - cooks, is able to get dressed and go to the bathroom, and take baths - I think. (Hmmm.. I'll have to check on the bath part.)

I'm staying positive about the whole thing. Or as positive as I can be. These things sometimes work out better than I think. And if not, I'll deal with it then.

On the bright side, I'm dogsitting my mother's old sweetheart of a dog. I need to hunt her down from wherever she's hiding from mine. I'm going to let her sleep with Harry and me (and my husband of course) the way she used to years ago before I married.

 

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