Posted by geri122 on December 16, 2003, at 14:52:28
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on December 16, 2003, at 9:15:27
Winter beak is just around the corner, and i am afraid of it. I mean i don't want to be home all day, having to worry about things it will bring. I don't want to deal with my dadI will be honest with you sometimes i feel selfish. I don't have a father that beats me or anything like that,, but sometimes i wish that that would be the case. I mean i don't want to hate him, i don't want to not be able to talk to him, i don't want to be afraid but i am. There are people that are worse off then me, and i would trade in a heart beat, i want that reason to feel the way i do, sometimes that is the hardest to deal with.
I feel like he uses me as the scape goat, something goes wrong its my fault, even if its really not. He amkes me feel little, not important. Im better then that, i want to be better then that. What triggers it. Walking into the house after a long day and getting yelled out for nothing. I have a twin sister, and when does something wrong its not her fault but mine. I hate mydefl for hating him. I want to be that dady's girl but i know that i will never be. I want to know that he loves me, but sometimes i question. its a lot to deal with.. and on top of that i don't even really know who i am. Ever one needs something to control, thier life, anything, i feel like i have lost that. I feel like everything has taken over me. It is stronger then i can handle. I swear i could write a book and im only 16,. I knw i have my whole life to live... but sometimes its hard. how can ilive the future if i can't foegt the past. It weights be down, i can't forget
poster:geri122
thread:284151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/290616.html